Friday, July 27, 2007

Oi, you racist!

Actually, it's more like 'national-ist'. Spank you very much.

Differentiating McDonald's customers by their nationality.

Australians - Cheeseburgers, Big Macs, Quarters.. they are a red meat loving lot.

The Australian vegetarian - will order a Big Mac with no meat. And fries. And an apple pie.

Singaporeans - are the only customers who request for no tartare sauce on their Fillet burgers. Usually of the female gender. Coincidentally, their physiques usually resemble a really really thin rail.

Malaysians - usually request for ketchup instead once they find out that a sweet and sour sauce packet costs 50 cents.

Indians - "What item on your menu has no meat?" For some reason, also dislikes ice in their cokes. Only 1% uses their Ps and Qs when ordering. Will usually ignore when I say "Thank you, come again." Dudes, it's comedy gold!

The Japanese - Almost always order a "Mc-Ozzie". Will then get flustered when I say, "a McOz (pronounced Aus.) in a meal or by itself?"

Americans - only ever have their coffee black. Double quarter pounders and triple cheeseburgers sell really well with this crowd.

The English and the Irish- Regardless of what they order, are usually rather curt. Unless drunk.

Ze French- love their cafe lattes.

The Italians - will sip their machiattos while having a boisterous chat that will attract the attention of other customers.

The Chinese - will almost always require a translator or a Mandarin speaking server. Regardless of explanation or gesturing will usually end up choosing either the fish or chicken burger. Will go on to glare and give me the evil eye when I answer to being Chinese but not speaking Mandarin.

Friday, July 20, 2007

But before I go, let me get my pent up typing need out of the way..

In my previous Internet-less state, I typed out my thoughts and opinions on last season's US television series. Partly because I've been meaning to give my two cents on the shows that I watch and also because the need to type was driving me insane. Except I'm just too lazy to edit it. So it'll be posted someday later.

In the meanwhile, to soothe myself, here's one of those tag things I generously helped myself to from my brother's blog.

1. What were you doing at 5:00 this morning?

2. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
On the mobile with my brother.

3. Who was the last person who broke your heart?
No one. Maybe when I was 11 and Stephen Gately came out of the closet.

4. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"But if I have cereal for dinner then who's gonna eat the rice?"

5. How many different things did you drink today?
OMG. This cereal is awesome.

6. What was the last thing you bought?
For real. Forget the rice. I'm having another bowl of cereal.

7. Where do you live?
Hmmmm. Yummy cereal. What was the question?

8. How was your day yesterday?
Right. To recap, I drank water, Fanta and milk today. Bought moisturiser last. And am currently in an apartment in Melbourne. My yesterday was pretty alright, thanks for asking.

9. What is the last ice cream flavour you ate?

10. Are you an optimistic one?
I'm the "On the bright side.." girl in my group of friends.

11. Do you think your okay?
It's YOU'RE. Not your. And dude, I'm the be all and end all of fucking awesome people there ever was and that will come. I do have unusually high self-esteem and confidence, how did you guess?

12. Do you talk a lot?
As a general rule, no.

13. Are you happy with the love of your life right now? Why?
I am the love of my life. Hence, yes.

14. Do you skip meals?
I forget to eat.

15. Do you consider yourself smart?
Smarter than some, dumber than most.

16. Do you cook your own food?
Not well.

17. Reason for living?
Just because.

18. Are you typically a jolly person?
I'm all about death and destruction, Wiccan rituals and sacrificial offerings. I'm usually happy when I'm doing those.

19. Name one enemy of yours?
My genes.

20. Name one close friend.
I nearly spilled my cereal on my bed! Jeez, that was close. That would have been disastrous for the evening I had planned - lots of bumming with very little movement.

21. Who's first person in your phonebook?

22. Song playing at the moment
None. I didn't turn on my iTunes.

23. Do you believe in love at first sight?

24. Is there something you want to tell someone?
You mean apart from the other 23 answers I've just typed out to the 23 questions that were asked?

25. How many kids do you want to have?
I'm going to fail as a mom. I'll do the future generation a favour and have none.

26. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

27. Do you wanna change your name?
I used to. As documented before, I think my parents failed when it came to giving me a name that could be immediately shortened to a nickname.

28. What time did you wake up today?

29. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching Carnivale.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait to do?
Well, Harry Potter book #7 is being released tomorrow..

31. Last time you saw your father
On the 11th of July

32. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?
To unworthy ones too!

33. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
Me. My skin keeps fucking around with me.

34. Most visited webpage?
My Gmail account.

35. Coke or Pepsi?

36. Last person you added on MSN/YM.
What the hell is a YM? And what is this MSN that you speaketh of?

37. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past 2 weeks?
People will do anything at my expense.

38. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world?

39. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends?

40. What is your status?
'Too awesome to function'.

41. Do you cry most of the time you have problems?
No. Apparently now I cry at stupid movies.

42. Did you have a fight with someone today?
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

43. Who cheers you up the most in your life?
It's not really a question of who but what. To which the answer would be anything. That being said, when I'm not yelling at my brother to stop being a wuss, we get along like two straw villages on fire on a windy day.

44. Do you like to chat?

45. Do you like to laugh?
What the hell kind of question is this? Next you'll be asking me whether I like to breathe. Or whether I like hearing things. Dumbass.

46. Last text msg from?
It's just occurred to me that I have no explanation for why I seem to be conversing with the tag thing.

47. Last food?
Your mum.

48. What's your opinion about long distance relationship?
My opinion is of inconsequence.

49. Do you know someone engaged in a long distance relationship?

50. Have you ever taken a relationship with someone you didn't love?
Heh. "taken a relationship". Like I just picked up a relationship with someone I didn't love at the nearby Macca's drive in?

51. Have you ever hurt someone whom you love so much?
Once upon a time.

52. Do you have something you must do right now?
Consider whether I want a third bowl of cereal.

And so I'm off again.

Apparently my Internet connection isn't quite as stable as thought. I'll have to relive those dark days of not knowing the weather, tabloid news, world news, no surfing Flickr, no reading blogs and no email. If I was religious, I'd pray for strength.

A month ago I was taking time off from work and slacking off cause I was under the delusion that I had enough money in the bank to subsidise said slacking off. Yesterday I paid rent for the month of July and August as well as the bond. So now I'm broke again. It was fun times when working was optional. And in the month I don't have enough money even for a haircut that is desperately needed, my phone bill is three times what I normally pay. I'm dreading the day the money is taken out of my bank.

It's strange how I'm looking forward to school.

I need the structure muchly.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

There ain't no party like a douchebag parrrrtay!

Maximum douchabaggery
Damn straight!

I'm up and around. Fulfilling plans, making schedules and forgetting to eat. Which would be great for weight loss if it didn't end with me shovelling food down my belly at 9.24 in the night.

I've taken to exercising my inner Narcissus and have developed pictures that I've taken that I liked and hung up on the wall for decoration in my new apartment. It's such a wanker thing to do, but guess who's got two thumbs and is a wanker on most occasions? Yeap. Right here, bud!

Knowing that my brother is in the country but in a different state puts me in two state of minds. The first where I'm happy that he's here but not here HERE, the second where I find myself wishing that I came home to his inane jokes and lameness everyday. The both of us are douchebag magic together.

That being said, it will probably never fail to scar me a little every time someone confuses my brother and I for a pair of lovebirds. I know I'm 20 but fuck me. I'll be 50 and that kind of shit will still be wigging be out. It's just wrong people!

I went to a party the other day and a girl walked in wearing the exact same dress I was wearing. Now THAT was a real 'Oh, fuck me.' moment if there ever was one.

It only took me 20 years but I think I have finally matured emotionally enough to at least start crying in movies. I'm not telling which movie I recently teared up in because it is just too damn embarrassing. Nothing beats the sobfest that my viewing of Pan's Labyrinth degenerated into though.

Question of the moment
Would you rather sit through a Lord of the Rings or a Harry Potter movie marathon where you watch all chapters of the movie back to back? Actually the better question is, would you rather sit through ALL the extra features on the three chapters of LotR or wince your way through the first and second HP movie- the one where the kids kid act their way through the movie (although to be fair, Jake Llyod in Star Wars #1 took the prize for 'Best' Kid Acting award in the new millenium)?

Today I got licked on my face by a friend. Cootiesssss, ew!

And that folks, is my way of updating a month's worth of events.