So long, and thanks for all the fish (no, really)

The general maxim is to go out on a high and quit when you're ahead. Since now I'm a millionaire, I assume there's never been a better time to bid you adieu.

In case the glaring lack of updates wasn't indication enough, the need to write or rant about things going on in my personal life has came and passed like the Angel of Death during Passover. I continue to talk about my other views on life in my other blogs, but it's safe to say that on the topic of 'me', the case is closed shut. This well has dried up and there's no sign of rainclouds in the sky anytime or anywhere soon.

So, thank you for taking the time to read my rants and incomprehensible infatuation with all things shiny. I would tell you to 'live long and prosper', but I've always been all about the Wars. So, may the force be with you, young padawans.

Until next time.

The lottery ticket: so random

The lottery ticket: so random
Originally uploaded by nerak.a

In a bid to prove to my family that inflicting meaning into random numbers in order to rationalize buying a lottery ticket is utterly ridiculous and senseless, my brother and I did this thing where we pulled out random cards out of a deck of cards.

The first number is a product of our truly random selection (we just moved the cards around and pulled out two cards each - me first followed by him). The second number is a combination of the days we were born.

In the paper the next day, 3648 came out as a consolation prize number.

There is a lesson to be learned here, me thinks while gloating in a corner.

One, lottery numbers really are random. And two, next time I'm pulling out three cards instead of just two. So there!

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #3 of 3

The Important
aka the one where I'll accept with much gratitude and no fuss.

1. Gift certificates for Topshop
I would point out certain things I want from Topshop itself but the list is ever changing and I am a pretty fickle shopper, so a gift certificate, as lame and grandma as it might seem, is actually perfect.

2. Notebooks (of the paper variety) Thanks Small Ad!
They don't even have to be pretty or with fancy coloured paper or smell like grapes. Moleskines would be ideal, but really, any hard covered notebook (so things don't get squished) with not-too-thin paper gets a thumbs up from me. If we're talking spiral notebooks, the shorthand 210 X 127mm would be preferable. If you want to get me a notebook of the portable laptop variety, don't let me stop you there and for your information, red is my favourite colour and those Sony Vaio are looking pretty sweet.

3. Subscription to magazines
- Vanity Fair (USA)
- Interview (USA)
- InStyle (USA)
- Empire (Aus)
- Frankie (Aus)
- The Big Issue (Aus)

4. Vanity Fair: The Portraits: A Century of Iconic Images photobook You're way too nice, Nick.
Why, hello there Amazon!.

5. That Extra Half an Inch by Victoria Beckham Seriously, Nick.
I C U @ Amazon.
For reals? Oh yeah.

6. Episodes of TV series I want to watch but have yet to download
- Ugly Betty S3 I love you Penang, home of the cheap RM4 DVDs for which I'm RM 200 less now.
- Brothers and Sisters S3
- Friday Night Lights S3 I <3>The Big Bang Theory S1 Thanks, Nick!
- Breaking Bad I'll have your baby, torrents!
- My Name is Earl S2 and S3 See Penang.
- Full series of Malcolm in the Middle
- any other tv series you think I might enjoy, I'm open to all kinds of suggestions
These don't even have to come in the form of a proper series. So long as you've got them, I'll come running with blank CDs or DVDs or hell, my external just to get it off you.

7. Sign up to be an organ donor
If you're Malaysian and in Malaysia, I'll even give you the official form and get it processed for you. If you're Malaysian and not in Malaysia, that's cool too. Just head on over to the official website, print out the form and snail mail the donor form to the address. Whatever citizen of whichever country you are, please consider signing up to be an organ donor. People like to ponder and ruminate about life after death, and being no god (at least not a real one) or goddess, I can't predict what will happen. This much I know is true though, if you are an organ donor, you can rest assured that in your dying moments you can look forward to someone's life carrying on after your death. I don't know about you, but for me, that at least delivers some kind of concrete answer about the afterlife. Plus hey, if you feel like you've been a loser your whole life, at least you know that you did something selfless and great after your death which nullifies the whole loserhood thing, and thus you come out a champion. Awesomesauce, right?

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #2 of 3

The Implausible
Cause let's face it. Even if anyone got me anything from this list, I'd have to return it on account of it's just way too much. But this doesn't stop me from putting this up just to show how materialistic and greedy I am.

1. Nikkor R2D2 Home Entertainment System

"It can project images up to 80in wide in 800x600 pixel resolution. It has an in-built DVD/CD/MP3 player, FM radio, speakers, outputs for hooking up to surround sound systems, a USB slot, memory card reader and – if that’s not enough – a pop-out iPod dock." ...Gizmodo

So what if I don't have an iPod. I'd at least like the option to put it in, you know?


2. i-Roomba

It's a vacuum cleaner that is programmed to find dirt and suck it by its own. That means, no more lugging out big ass vacuum and stashing it away later. Also, hello, Arrested Development much?


3. A Segway
If you haven't guess by the iRoomba want, I am very very lazy. So a Segway to transport me from my house to my car or my kitchen to my living room would on the sweet side of awesome and then some.


4. Pentax 10-17mm Fish Eye lens

This is the sex.


5. Full set of Battle Royale manga

It annoys me that I still haven't finish this. So a full set would be superbly awesome.


6. Sony Ericsson Xperia X1

unfunfunf


7. Canon Selphy ES1

It makes printing pictures a breeze. Just stick your SD card in, select and print. I totally want one of course.



8. Suzuki Vitara (discontinued model)

I've been in love with this car since way back I was in high school. They don't make this model anymore so if there ever was a perfect time to buy one for me, it'd be now. I'd drive it, squeal, and then return it to you.


9. Watchmen: The Graphic Novel I love you, Chaz.

Or any other graphic novels by Alan Moore would be good too.


10. The boys of Friday Night Lights

Zach Gilford, Taylor Kitsch and Kyle Chandler. Please and thank you. (No guarantee that they will be returned in the same form they were first received in)



10. Bodhi Safety Pin Bag

Retail price: US$ 748


11. Icon Watch

Retail price: US$ 82


12. Issey Miyake for Seiko

Retail price: US$ ???


13. Frank Gehry Postive/Negative Watch for Fossil

Unfortunately this watch was from 2 years ago. You can't find it on anywhere but eBay anymore, much to my chagrin. And even then they always go for so damn much!


14. Miu Miu Nappa Bag

Retail price: US$ 1385


15. Proenza Schouler PS1 Bag Retail price: Over US$4000



16.Triple Backseam Charnos tights

Discontinued. Much to my displeasure.



17. These posters

The photoshopped Arrested Development/Star Wars poster. I find it absolutely hilarious, and hey, check out that segway in the bottom right corner!


This isn't even a poster. I have it labelled as a 'poster card'. Whatever that means. This one poster card makes up for the shitty "yippies!" we all had to sit through with Jake Lloyd.



Oh, Gary Oldman. Perhaps revealing the true extent of my fondness for Harry Potter, I really do want this poster. If not cause it stems from my favourite book in the series, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, is because I may or may not have come up with the most brilliant viral marketing plan for one of my products at work. Whatever the reason you choose to believe, I want it.


I care a bit too much movie poster designs more so than the average pop culture enthusiast, I think. This is one I want to own and pet.


I am a big fan of Polish movie posters. What are they? In a bid to prevent America culture from spilling into their streets in the 1980s, the communist government made it a rule that movies from America had to have a Polish-made poster. Hence, Polish movie posters. This one is for Star Wars. It was made by Michal Ksiazek.

/true movie geekiness.


This is the Polish poster for The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. 'Ptaki' translates to 'death'. Created by Bronislaw Zelek.


Polish poster for To Sir, With Love. Created by Maria Ihnatowicz.


Oh, come on. I even went to watch that stupid ass X-Files 2! I at least deserve a poster for sitting through that steaming pile of shit.

And for you, dear reader, I want Blogger to create a Livejournal type LJ-cut feature so that posts like this that you could care less about you can be scrolled over easier. Don't say I never think about you. I'm nice that way.

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #1 of 3

The Impossible

1. World peace
No, but really.

2. For people in power to stop dicking around the people without power
I was just kidding about Impossible Want #1, but this I'm totally serious about. I think the tiny idealist in me, and we're talking like really tiny - a googleplex even, refuses to give up to reality and can't help being a hippie bohemian. I really do think that the world would be a better place if everyone was just nicer to each other, or even by paying a good deed forward (the schmaltz though, is really unnecessary). It starts with a bully choosing to give up his tormenting ways, to a kid who's got a new reign on life after realizing the torment ends, and so on and so forth. I don't have to paint you a picture, baby Haley Joel Osment and his baby blues have done a good enough job.

Why it is imposible: Because when you're on top, very few will care to look down, let alone care for the route up there.

3. For people all over the world to be self-confident and self-assured
Insecurity is a terrible thing. It causes people to think that being thin is worth puking away their boobs or that eating a bullet is better than living. Again with the hippie bohemian act thing but self-confidence is sorely lacking in today's population, and if people would just start believing in themselves I think real change can happen. Hell, there doesn't even need to be a drastic world-altering change. I'll settle for people finally being happy. Sincerely and truly.

Why it is impossible: People are too easily influenced and persuaded. A fact advertisers and marketing folks use to make a buck out of.

4. For all my loved one to be in the same country for a recurring extended time
Preferably, forever would be better. But I'm trying to be as realistic as I can about this list and so this is my compromise. I want to be able to gather up everyone I love and meet them every two months for a length no shorter than 4 days. Even then, this is impossible. I hate isolated nation states.

Why it is impossible: Because the logistics of it are beyond mind-boggling.

5. Perfect healthy skin
I was angry for such a long time at the injustice of being saddled with shitty skin. And in a deluded attempt to help cheer me up, people always tell me, "Why it's not so bad. At least you don't have psoriasis." Please by all means, discount and make light of my eczema while I scratch and draw blood. Sure, physically eczema sufferers may be faring better, but mate, the psychological damage is already done. Wearing a baju kurung in blazing hot sun during school would not have been my attire of choice if I didn't have anything to hide, ya dig? Anyway, fast forward and I'm a lot less bitter. Most months I actually get along quite well without even sparing a thought about the condition of my skin. But next to that hidden idealistic hippie bohemian lies one very bitter girl. She doesn't rear her head much around these parts but everytime I see the first star or catch a fallen eyelash, she's the one making this wish.

Why it is impossible: Because try as you might, you can change your boobs, your hair, your butt, but you cannot fuck around with genes.

6. For Katy Perry to die in a fire
If you're going to be hogging up all the space on radio airwaves, at least have a smidgen of talent. By Katy Perry, I'm actually referring to people who can't sing a note to save their lives being forced on me. So to borrow and alter a quote from Mean Girls, "Music honchos, stop trying to make Katy Perry/Simple Plan/Avril Lavigne/The Simpson sister/Family Guy happen!"

Why it is impossible: Because the media is high selective and if you come in an easily marketable packaged, you're the one they're going to go with. I mean, Britney isn't exactly Aretha Franklin material, capische?

7. For 'random' and 'emo' to die out from people's daily vernacular
What the hell is 'emo' anyway? People have use it to describe a dog, a state of mind, an expression, a music type, how they feel about their homework and yet it remains this stupid piece of meaningless fluff that doesn't have any real meaning to it. Here's a tip: sad, depressed, unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, morose, bitter - these are the words you probably refer to whenever you use 'emo'. Oh good lord, if you dare say or think "What is she getting all emo about", I will cut a bitch and reign terror down on you six ways from Sunday and then perhaps you will really know what 'emo' is. Ditto random. I will accept the bastardization of the English language in text or Internet speak, but I draw the line when one pathetic word is used to describe a myriad of emotions.

Why it is impossible: Because there will always be 16 year old kids in this world.

8. For the Malaysian film censorship board to get real
The reality being that people have sex, kiss, curse, are gay, are racists, die (some more gruesomely than others), and wear provocative things. You can try to hide it by cutting out or forbidding such scenes, but your archaic way of thinking and acting isn't doing anything to prevent it from actually happening. What you're just doing is annoying the shit out of paying audiences who are severely chagrined by your already shitty film quality to begin with as well as proving your utter fuckwit-ness.

Why it is impossible: There is no freedom of speech here, so how can there be freedom in celluloid entertainment?

9. For no more money politics in our government
I wish the fall of Badawi, our current Prime Minister who was once ironically dubbed 'Mr. Clean' at the start of his tenure for weeding out corruption, would be indicative of changing times, but as long as we continue to have such little transparency within our local politics, the buying of votes for favours is simply impossible to stop. It is so incredibly pathetic and shameful that every Malaysian citizen knows about the rife corruption going on here. It starts from paying out cops to avoid getting a ticket and snowballs to ministers exchanging projects or favours for cash. I don't even have to name names. I'm sure at the point at least three instances have already popped into your head. How utterly depressing is that?

Why it is impossible: See Impossible Want #2. Also, very few people actually like change. It's the Malaysian way to complain the shit out of something and not actually be proactive and make change happen.

10. For contests to stop resorting to 10 words or less slogans as a judging method
I'll make it clear to you: 'This is incredibly annoying, asshole.'

Why it is impossible: Because making you work for free gifts seems like a better yardstick for judging contests when really, everybody knows pulling a name out of the hat is much easier and less aggravating on contestants.

Help, please?

So I really want to watch Twilight. Because hell, if I had to read those 4 series, I better have man-candy to perve on, you know? And what better form do they come in than Robert Pattinson and Jackson Rathborne?

The thing is, my want for watching that movie does not surpass my want for not wanting to pay to watch the movie. Are you still with me? Good. So I attempted to be all sneaky and win tickets thinking if I do win merchandise, all those suckers will fall prey to my eBay exclusive sale of the century. But naturally, since Stephanie Meyer is a cockblocking piece of work, the contest has to be her brand of fail too.



I simply cannot find it within myself to come up with a good enough lie about how I love Twilight in 20 words or less. Twilight, is essentially Twatlight to me. And really, the only answer my brain can come up with is this:

Fine. I'll pay my way there, fuck you very much.

This is why, this is why I'm hot

The other day I got reprimanded by my parents for using a vulgar word. I was like, "Nuh-uh. I didn't say 'cunt'. Did I?" Even my sister was confused, on my side agreeing that I said no such vulgarity.

As it turns out, my parents are that old-fashioned that they still consider 'asshole' a vulgarity. And I apparently use the word so much so that it's now entered my daily vernacular. This I'm not so much worried about. What I am slightly worried about is this:

"Suck my non-existent massive hairy balls".

Frankly, I find it really funny since you know, girl here, hello. But I keep saying it unconsciously as a retort, and people's WTF-boggled-eye look, is making me wonder if perhaps I should do something and try to curb my language. I also say, "kiss my black ass" constantly, although that's more of a tribute to my favourite cartoon character, not that my ass is black in anyway (I don't think). I feel like I should do something about this cussing issue, but I couldn't be fucked really.

A retiree, no more.

As luck would have it, I currently no longer qualify as a 21 year old retiree. In what has been a really bizarre month, I found myself going from bumming slacker to applying for internships on a whim, going to Turkey for a holiday, coming back to agree to a same-day interview (when I'm icky and probably infested with international air bugs!), scrambling for certificates and laughing at how all the stupid random shit I did in my life actually amounted to legit qualifications, getting hired on the spot, going to Singapore, coming back to start at the company, and fast forward everything it's now 2.18 am and I still have a proposal to finish up and 39 scripts to write. On top of that, I have a lot of mail to reply (it's coming!), friends coming next month (not like that's a minus), sewing projects to start on, a Turkey post to write, a scrapbook to do and my family just introduced a new member to the household. As much as I dislike little yappy dogs, I got to admit that this little poodle, possibly Maltese mix, is probably churned from the factories of Hallmark. It's so cute and sweet you can't hate on it. You think you've had enough of it, but damn, you just keep coming back for more. Him, I mean. Little yappy things are generally it to me.

Here's a few things in point form because I'm too damn lazy and don't have the time to write things in a paragraph since apparently I do not understand the concept of brevity:

1. I don't take to naming things that I own. So I haven't had much practice in giving things name. I'm tempted to pull a Holly Golightly and just name that poodle, Dog, but it's technically not mine to name, so I'm leaving it up to the rest of the household instead. If I had my way I'd probably name it something extravagantly stupid like Mr. Periwinkles or something. I'm pushing for a cat now since I love my felines. But as it is, my dad thinks cats are too snobbish and therefore not worthy of his time.

2. Working in a team consisting of all guys is no problem to me, but Mr. Boss seems to think that since I'm the token girl he should go easy on me. As a feminist who believes in equality among genders, I cannot agree with his sentiments. I know I should be reveling in the easier ride, but I like to earn my keep, be it a stupid lowly-paid, like we're talking sad sad pittance, mission or not.

3. Putting the toilet seat down got tired by mid-day on my first day but I can't moan about since I generally play by majority rules. And in this case, I'm really, really a minority here.

4. I feel a bit cheated working now since my work experience is nothing like what I observed on The Office. Where's our Dwight and Kelly Kapoor?! In fact our office is nothing like what I thought it would be. Everyday while we work, Bruce Lee, Limp Bizkit, System of A Down and Korn supervises from their positions on the walls.

5. My Fujitsu is not back yet and I'm missing it greatly. Watch me make out with it when it returns. I swear to Allah I really will.

6. While prepping for my interview, I went through past certificates to suss out the usable ones. My old report cards were kept in the same file I keep all my certs in. Going through the report cards, I realize that my success rate in school is totally inverse to the years I'm actually at school. I started out a grade A kid in Standard 1, jumped a grade and fell slightly to a A- in Standard 5, pulled a B average when I was in Form 2/3 and then deteriorated to a B-/C+/AddMaths+BM=fail student by the time I was in Form 5. I never really understood how I scraped through the final assessment in the last year of high school (and not fail anything!) considering I never finished a single Malay essay, never even read the Malay literature we were examined upon, failed Chemistry, Add Maths,and BM during the mid-year exams, and only handed in my homework on alternate weeks. I call it insanely good luck I didn't flunk out mid-way let alone pass my exam and not garner a single C. Who knows, maybe out there there's another Karen W. whose still moaning about her bad luck during SPM '03.

A Quick Recap of the the Life of a 21 year old Retiree

- Such is my life now that I can name you the value of every single letter according to Scrabble rules. Is are probably my least favourite vowel ever. Out of the 9 Is that can be found in a full set, I usually get at least 4 of them while playing. Argh. Hate Is.

- I actually won a match of Scrabble the other night. Since I lack a single competitive bone in my body, I usually couldn't be arsed as to how I finish. But man, Scrabble mojo was in the air and I was the pwnxorrs. Lady Luck was on my side and the tiles I pulled were absolutely beautiful. I finished just shy off 200 points. I'm thinking now would be a good time to retire the game since I doubt I'll be able to eclipse that performance in the future.

- Since I don't have any income to spend, I've been holding back on any kind of clothes shopping. Instead I've taken to pilfering my parent's wardrobe and working on altering their clothes to something I would wear. Assuming my sewing skills don't fail me now, there should be a smorgasboard of new clothes to wear in the future. I really want to break out my mum's sewing machine, but bearing in mind my disastrous experience with her kitchen mixers (3 dead and buried), I'm very wary. As is she understandably.

- I've sent my laptop in for much needed service finally. Friends will know that the ADSL port and internal speakers have been busted for close to two years now. Take relief in knowing that my poor laptop is finally getting some TLC downtime, guys.

- I guess I don't have the best track record when it comes to taking care of my electronics. Every mobile I've owned has always needed the assistance of a rubberband to be held together eventually. My SE k610i is going slightly schizoid on me now and switching off without warning. My laptop, of course, is currently enjoying what I imagine to be a relaxing spa holiday at the moment. And currently tape is the only thing that's keeping my Pentax from falling apart. For some inexplicable reasons, all the screws that held my camera together have fallen and disappeared in the 3 years I've owned it. I swear to Yahweh that I don't do anything out of the ordinary to ruin my things! It's not my fault they can't stand the heat. I refuse too baby my belongings and keep them in socks and pouches and the like.

- I suppose that's part of the reason why I covet the Suzuki Vitara JLX so badly. It's a pretty old ass model that even the manufacturer has retired, but my research tells me that it can hold it's own and withstand rough handling, scratches and the like.

- I've just received my tax returns and I'm deciding how I should use it:
a) Put it in my fixed deposit account (*yawn*)
b) Go on a holiday (Bali, maybe?)
c) Buy a new digital camera (*pants*)
I've sussed out the cameras I'm interested in purchasing and I've realized taking into consideration my very specific requirements, the options I have are severely limited. It all comes down to cameras made in 2004 that aren't exactly fresh on the market. I'm thinking perhaps the (hopefully) cheaper cost might outweigh the older technology? Or I could loosen up a little and cave on certain requirements. We'll see.

- 'Asshole' is the word of the moment; and out of respect to my religious friends, and newly religious brother, 'Ya Allah', the phrase. I don't understand how saying what is basically 'oh my God' in Malay acceptable and non-blasphemous if I'm still using God's name in vain anyway. But I guess that's just another little inconsistency in the logic of religion. Yeah, I saw the oxymoron there.

- A plane flight to Turkey awaits and I'll be off till the 9th of October. I hope to eat much Turkish food and soak up more history. Since it's Hari Raya all over, I'm banking on some marvelous sights indeed.

- Since I chose to my time updating this blog instead of replying to emails, I'm just going to use this as a platform to send messages to people who I owe emails to:

Nick: Greatness happened in Istanbul in 2005 and I get to go there and you don't. Nye-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. I can't say much for Fernando Torres, but I'm pretty goddamn awesome. :D Also, your room is bitch ass. I approve!

Ad: Sew more, woman! You've got some mad skills. You can be like little J in Gossip Girl, with the sewing and the DIY-ing.

Charm: Woman, three words: ESSAYS. NOW. GO. True Blood is so lulzy and I really dislike Anna Paquin as Sookie. But Daniel Craig is awesome! He's like a man's man. Not pretty like Chace Crawford or precious like Lee Pace. Manly man, man! Rawr.

Jon: I'll be sure to eat enough pita bread and hummus for you, kid. Have fun on your school break! Text us and tell us how you're doing and in turn I'll rub it in your face all that you're missing out on.

Jim: Dude, quit stalking me! Internet dating was made for people like you, so get on that!

Chrissy: I demand you set up a blog and write about your experiences while in UK. Or email us more often. Is it everything that you thought it would be? Were all your fears completely unfounded?

Sam: (I don't actually know if the Snakes reads this, but let's assume that she does) My glibness probably ruined my chances for this job I really want which I applied for. I couldn't help it. It was 6 in the am and I was running on zero sleep, you know how I get. How long do you reckon I should wait for a reply before getting the hint and pissing off?

All right then. Autobots, roll out.

Wait, what? Oh! You just got pwned.

Scrabblenanigans

Please believe me when I say I have the worst luck when it comes to Scrabble. Pictures cause it ALWAYS happens. More epic fail at my Flickr page.

Sigh.

The difference between

Moving back to a place I merely formally consider 'home' has been a very strange process. In the five years I've lived away, I have grown both mentally and physically and it feels like there exists this unbridgeable chasm between the mature adult and the teenager that remembers life differently (simpler). I will be Malaysia-based until further notice and I am gradually acclimatizing to the different living/social conditions here. While that's working out, I can't help but point out some traits that I find uniquely Malaysian:

1. Restaurants pile on the ice before pouring in the drink which leads to a cup of very diluted Coke after two minutes. Perhaps it's got to do with the warmer weather here, but man, 3/4 cup full of ice seems a tad extreme to me.

2. Of all the places I've traveled to, only in Malaysia do official forms require you to state your race. Given Malaysia's history, the topic of race is undoubtedly highly contentious. I have to wonder if there are ulterior motives for making the public divulge this little tidbit of information apart from census reasons. Which brings me to my next point.

3. It's a well-known fact that corruption is rife among our local government here. The fact that that is an undeniable fact, and not mere speculation or conspiracy theory trips me out muchly. People here are very passionate about bitching about the state of things.

4. I completely forgot how Malaysians mix other languages nonchalantly in their everyday conversation. Honest to blog, I don't know how that little Malaysian quirk slipped my mind considering it's so prevalent. It's rather amusing to have a conversation where one party is speaking in Cantonese while the other is answering in English.

5. In unrelated news, I actually detest the term 'honest to blog' which if you can't remember originates from Diablo Cody's Juno. I like the show well enough but I have to admit that the first 15 minutes annoyed me greatly with it's new-fangled hip lingo (observe: "That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet." ????!!!!?!?!?!?) and twee Moldy Peaches soundtrack to the so-cute-I'm-a-diabetic-now credits. Eeek.

6. Moving back on topic, the speech patterns and local slang here are definitely one-in-a-kind. I get called out for acting pretentious when I speak English, when really the only difference is I accentuate different parts of a word. I've never really used the 'localized' English commonly known as Manglish (Malaysian English) much, and I don't fancy being called a snob just because I refuse to ruin the English language in order to fit in. As if I don't get enough flack when speaking English, I also get called a banana when attempting to speak Cantonese/Mandarin and a poser when whipping out Bahasa Melayu. Sometimes I just can't win.

7. Malaysians like their brands very much - clothes, bags, cars. Is it a curious fact that snatch theives and robbers operate highly efficiently here?

8. I also forgot just how passionate Malaysians are about their food. We will drive to the other side of town for good satay or risk contracting food poisoning for the best seafood that is located at the dingiest ports. Hell, they'd probably drive all the way to Melaka to talk politics over a plate of chicken rice.

9. I suppose the last thing that stumps me about Malaysia is the fact that the international movies screened at local cinemas follow no certain order here. Australia follows the US quite closely in terms of new releases and being aware of the seasonal movie offerings in the States you learn to expect certain things. Like summer season in the States (June/July/August) means fun, frivolous movies for the fun seeking people on holiday. That means lots of comedies, kid-friendly flicks and mindless fluff, eg Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, Mamma Mia etc. while fall might mean more serious flicks, Oscar contenders and the like. The system in Malaysia seems not to acknowledge any of this. Wall-E and The Mummy 3 is out but so is Deception and Penelope, the former which bombed in Australia and the latter which doesn't even have a release date yet. I am so confused. This messes up everything.

10. And I'm not even going to start on movie censorship in Malaysia. All I will say is there is no point rating your movies if you're going to cut out all the cuss words/sex scenes/violent bits regardless of classification anyway.

Questions and answers

I want to know why reading eBooks, that is books in electronic form (.pdf/.lit/.word), is considered nerdier that just reading plain physical books. Given the time and age where 'e' is the prefix of choice for many activities, why is it that I get looks of "okayyyyyyyy" when I tell people that I'm reading electronically?

They're much easier to transport around, take up very little space (depending on your reading medium), are technically better for the environment - no pages = no tree massacres = no landfill and well, if you know where to look, they're free. So why the discrimination?

Perhaps a better question.

Why do I get embarrassed telling people that I read eBooks?

I scoffed so hard when the Kindle was released. And now I'm reaping the benefits that a laptop and torrents can bring. I don't like being wrong in my assessment of things, but I'll always own up to my mistakes.

Only in dreams

I sleep a lot, hence I dream a lot. But that is not true. For me, it's always been more the case of I dream a lot, hence I sleep a lot. I never daydream while awake, but when asleep, man, my brain thinks up the wildest scenarios. And I have to admit that I really like these dreams. Which is why, I think I like sleeping so much.

The very first dream I remember having happened when I was six. I dreamt that I was somehow transported to the Land of Oz and all the major players were there - Tin Man, The Cowardly Lion, hell, even the Flying Monkeys. I suppose, it wouldn't be wrong to say that in that dream, I was playing the character of Dorothy. I don't remember how it ended. But I remember waking up feeling very unsatisfied, wanting to finish out the magical dream. No matter how I tried to reproduce the situations leading up to sleep time (not showering, sleeping at the same time, in the same position) I never revisited that dream, much to my disappointment.

Ever since then, I've had a variety of dreams, the majority which have been weirdly enough reality-based. By that I mean most dreams have been lacking such fantastical elements. Well, except zombies. But they're the undead. And fun. And possibly very real if you believe Cracked. Anyway, these dreams usually involve real people and real places, people I know and places I've been to. If you're my friend, I've definitely dreamt about you before. Not long ago a classmate from primary school who I haven't talked to in 14 years showed up in my dreams. It was very bizarre but nonetheless a nice surprise from this blast from the past.

Some of my dream highlights are:-

- dreaming every single one of my family, bar my sister, died (in separate sleeps). These three dreams remain the only ones I've woken up in tears. I don't know why Gill is the exception to the rule.
- Hanson appearing in my dreams (I was 11)
- dreaming I was a cop
- dreaming I was a track athlete
- dreaming I was an evil demon hunter ala Buffy or the Winchester boys from Supernatural
- lucid dreaming while sleeping in exams. During Form 5, whenever I would fall asleep during exams, I would always end up lucid dreaming. I would always be dreaming but I knew I was dreaming, so the dreams would be me trying to wake myself but no matter what I did I couldn't wake myself up. Those were fun times.
- a recurring nightmare that I used to have, that thankfully hasn't appeared in the past 2 years, so maybe I should say 'a nightmare I use to have' instead of recurring.
- running. I have run more in my dreams than I have in real life.
- adventure quests! These ones are very fun and I usually try to go back to sleep if awaken prematurely.

Recently, first of many previously undreamed dreams happened.

1) I dreamt in a whole different language. Needless to say, English is my main language, even in my dreams. But the other night, I ended up conversing in Bahasa Melayu for the first time. That was pretty funny. The next night, Cantonese was prevalent in my dream. Yet even though I barely speak or understand it, I understood everything.

2) For the first time ever, I appeared naked in my dream! I hear that it is a common dream and up until last week, it's never happened to me so I was very excited when I woke up to realize that I was naked in my dream. In that dream, I was at the beach and sun-tanning naked. Somehow I was caught on camera and that film was broadcast on mainstream TV at a diner where I was eating. I don't pretend to know what all this means. I just find it amusing that my dreams are so rich.

3) Since last month, I have been dreaming more frequently about taking pictures in my dream. I will usually be wielding my Pentax (I can't even dream up a DSLR, goddamn) and snapping away at everything. It's like I'm observing my dreamscapes and trying to take pictures to remember it all.

Last night I had another dream about taking photographs. For some inexplicable reason I was put in charge of a photoshoot, and when I tried wielding my digital camera, it literally fell apart in my hands. So I broke out my film camera and go to work, but I couldn't get the shot I wanted no matter what I did.

I don't think that all dreams necessarily have meaning. I certainly don't think that my dreams are anything more than random synapses in the brain. Most of them at least. I just thought I'd record this down for posterity.

If someone were to ask me if I am a dreamer, I would take a moments pause to deliberate on the implications of that question. I do not daydream, and I certainly don't have big aspirations or goals in life. But I am guilty of spending time in the unconscious realm and loving it. In every sleep, I hope to dream and when I don't, I feel strangely unsatisfied. In that sense, I suppose, I can answer an unabashed yes.

This post is dedicated to the Prepster

In honour of your 21st, this pic spam is dedicated to you. I'm sorry your birthday was so shitty, mostly cause I wasn't there to add the dazzle component in your day. And technically, this pic spam is two days late. But my Internet was being a shitty little cockblocking bitch, so let's just pretend it's the 6th of July all over again okay?

This strangely disturbing picture of Voldy, Bellatrix, Dumblydore and Pottah welcomes you to the mother of all picspams.

Smile like you mean it!
[add on]: Obviously this post is coming out much later than "two days late". But well, let's say delays were necessary due to a grueling schedule and important GChats, okay? Right on.

Warning: This picspam is severely limited because a) my heterosexuality means I have more pictures of guys in my folder and b) you have pretty shitty taste in female celebrities. Oh gosh, maybe I should lay off the mocking since this post is meant to be a gift (of some sort). Anyhow, I have searched through all my picture folders and I think you'll be sufficiently happy with the pictures I have compiled. Or maybe not. The purpose of picspams is to perve, and I'm an equal opportunity perve. I have endeavoured to add some pictures of Miss-Acts-With-Her-Eyebrows but I don't think you'll like the context they're in.

Onwards with the picspam!


We begin with some old school Harrison Ford. I know you love the Indiana Jones trilogy (we do not speak of the fourth) and as I've mentioned before, I'm rather fond of Han Solo so it's like a win-win situation.

You were the only person I knew who didn't think Casino Royale would bomb with Daniel Craig at the helm, and obviously we're having the last laughs now. Well, technically the movie studios are. But po-tay-to, po-tah-to. To thank you for your support, here is a picture of the lovely Eva Green.


Okay, so you didn't actually care one bit about the casting in the movie. But you let me rant about it and pretended to be interested, as you do whenever I get on a pop-culture related tangent, so I'm grateful for that.

Gratuitous pictures of Scarlett Johansson, because everybody should appreciate how hot she is;



At least we're in agreement with when it comes to the status of her gorgeousness.

But proving that brunettes are inherently hotter, here is Eliza Dushku.

She remains my favourite Slayer till this day.
Oh, you don't believe my theory about brunettes doing it better? Well, observe:


Kristen Kreuk: The best thing to come from Smallville apart from Michael Rosenbaum

Zooey Deschanel: breaking hearts with her baby blues since she was two (okay, I just wanted to rhyme)

Audrey Tautou: showing the world how to be truly fierce. Tyra, take note

Natalie Portman: My orignal girl crush.

Keira Knightley: My second girl crush.

Gael Garcia Bernal: Y HELLO THAR. What a pleasant surprise. What choo doing here?


Alexis Bledel: All the roses in the world can't buy her acting chops, but gosh, aren't those eyes something else?


Liv Tyler: I can't think of anything to say cause all I can focus on are LEGS.
Jim Sturgess: Making Nick squeal since he first saw a face in Across The Universe

If you're still not convinced that theory has any grounds, I present to you three pictures I would casually call my 'trump cards';

It's common law by now that you can't put Gael up without including Diego Luna

Oh, wait for it;

da-yummmm!

Do you believe now?!?

Alright, so it's been established then. Going by hair colour, brunettes tend to be hotter than blondes. It's just a fact. Learn it, love it, spread it.

More pictures of ScarJo for your time;

And here's one random Elisha I found in my files.

I still don't get her appeal.

Now, as I'm sure you know, Nick, a Nick picspam would not be complete without one certain actress from a very popular Young Adult movie/book franchise.


This is not it.

Deadric Diggory is unimpressed with your tomfoolery

For the random reader at home, here's a chance for you to play along. Guess which pretty princess from the Harry Potter franchise, Nick is completely enamoured with?

Right off the bat, I can tell you that Ronald Weasley is not in the running.

Sucks to be me

Actually Nick isn't a big fan of the Wealeys at all, so Ginny is out:


as are Ginger Twins,


and my favourite stoner hobo, RPattz.

Remember. Early on, I gave you a very big clue about Nick's preference in actresses (read: pretty shitty). That should be a dead giveaway right there. So unfortunately, Katie Leung/Cho Chang is not the one.


although I don't understand why, cause home girl cleans up great.


And by that extension, neither is Clemence Poesy/Fleur Delacouer.

There's something about French women

Yes, unbelievably and rather anti-climatically, it is none other than Eyebrows herself, Emma Watson/Hermione.

Classy broad

I guess she's attractive enough, but honestly. With so many other pretty actors in the mix, she really doesn't stand out all that much. But I suppose it's one of your little quirks, Nick - picking the most random people to fanboy about.

Here's a bunch of pictures of her looking relatively cute.

Guess whose hand is she holding?

Why it's none other than Pottah himself!


Stab, stab, stab. I like inflicting pain and chagrin where possible


Booyakasha!

I think her cuteness quotient gets higher around Mr Pottah himself. Well, obviously he rubs off on her. Perhaps in more ways than one. Oh, that's right. I so went there.

Some visual with your chagrin, sir?

Tee hee!


I mock because I love. I'm sure you know how this works by now. That being said, I am sincerely sorry your 21st was terrible. At least you've managed to find little things that have made the day better (card/phone calls/this - because we're still making like this was posted on your actual birthday, you see). I know that next year's birthday is going to be fantastic and you know how I know that? Cause my friends and I are going to cut whatever bitch that stands in the way of your day.

Me and mah friends just hanging at a nearby street

I don't even know where to start in thanking you for everything. To compress our relationship and inside jokes into two trite lines seems like a terrible crime. I suppose I could try, but I've never been as eloquent as you and fuck me, putting this together has been a HTML nightmare, so I'm pretty much brain dead at this point.. Instead, I'll end this post with something the both of us can appreciate; macros. This is a personal favourite,

I'm sure you can understand why. Happy 21st, Prepster! Belated. Or whatever.