Saturday, October 08, 2005

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies

Seven things you plan to do before you die:

1. Answer more life-affirming surveys like this.
2. Create life-affirming surveys like this.
3. Spread life-affriming surveys like this to friends.
4. See how many people will respond to the life-affirming survey I created.
5. Kill myself by listening to Simple Plan (on replay) if no one responds to the life-affirming survey I created.
6. Laugh at the control and power I have over people who have chosen to respond to the life-affirming survey I created.
7. Attempt to use the phrase 'life-affirming survey I created' in 4 sentences. *Oh joy!*

Seven things I could do:

1. I could choose to listen to Simple Plan, but then I would have to die a trillion fiery deaths first.
2. I could choose to advocate iPods, but then I would have to voluntarily submit myself to the electric chair first.
3. I could choose to eat bananas, but then I would have to bite my big toe off first.
4. I could choose to visit blogs of people I don't know, but then.. oh wait, I already do that.
5. I could choose to watch Serenity, but then.. oh wait, I already did that. And it's freaking awesome, kids! Go check it out at your local cinemas or at your friendly downloading software.
6. I could choose to pose nude at the local XXX club for cash, but then I would be the cause of a whole new wave of impotent men.
7. I chould choose to take this survey seriously, but then did you really think I would?

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
I, personally, would like to crush;

1. Simple Plan Member #1: The drummer. For not being original. Think up new beats man.
2. Simple Plan Member #2: The bassist. For being in an insufferable band.
3. Simple Plan Member #3: The first guitarist. For contributing lousy music to the universe's most insufferable band.
4. Simple Plan Member #4: The second guitarist. For having stupid skunk head hair. I don't care if that is not him. That fella should be slayed.
5. Simple Plan Member #5: The vocalist. For having atrocious vocals while wearing stupid 'role model' shirts and having stupid gelled hair, all the while contributing to the downfall of commercial music.
6. Simple Plan Manager: For making Simple Plan think that they're worth something.
7. Simple Plan Record Label: You guys can't possibly be so hard up for cash?! Where are the good ol' days where personal integrity and belief triumphed over profits?

Seven often repeated words:

1. You
2. never
3. said
4. anything
5. about
6. being
7. serious

Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:

1. No hairy moles ala Phua Chu Kang
2. No permed hair ala incriminating pictures of my dad in the 80s.
3. No overtly hairy body ala Robin Williams.
4. No fake blondes. If you're asian, blonde is not the way to go no matter what your hairdresser and friends say. They are lying.
5. The existence of male genitalia. Seriously. Lots of gender-challenged people out there. Don't want to find out two months into the relationship that I am dating a guy who was a female for 5 years, who previously was a gay transexual who worked in Phuket.
6. No monobrows. The whole Uncle Fester look was so 7 years ago.
7. No janggut/misai that can rival Pak Mat's kambing.
Everything else is fair game.

The musical, The Lion King... everything that they say about it is true. Of course, I fell asleep at some parts (stupid caffeine pill kicked in too late) but then again, where can I not fall asleep? Jaw-dropping musical extragavanza, an orgasmic blur of fantabulous costumes, mind-bending choreography and superb musical direction.. Take your pick. All the hype about The Lion King is true. And the opening sequence.. There isn't enough words in the english language to fully capture the sheer brilliance of it. Jesus Christ man. How do people think up stuff like this?!

Also, Mich. I need a posting address. Your birthday present? Mail me at please.