Friday, September 29, 2006

Why I hate birds, encore

Because besides the fact that they eye my food hungrily, savagely attack leftover food and fly into my head, they also have an uncanny way of aiming their droppings right at me. Some people go through life without a single bird dropping even within 5 kms of their aura let alone their physical being. As of now, 19 years and 9 months, I have had the good fortune of having bird droppings fall onto the back of my school uniform, the top of my head, my cheek, and as of today, my sweater. So when I tell you I'm afraid of birds, it's not just some attempt at quirky behaviour by way of Natalie Portman in Garden State. It's truly because I loathe them so and you know how it goes.. you hate the things you fear. Death to the obese chip-grabbing, shit-pooping seagulls and head-banging magpies of the world!

I suppose maybe the bird-dropping-on-my-sweater extragavanza was just another occasion in my run of bad luck today. I woke up late this morning, although that could be attributed to my laziness and inability to wake without snoozing the alarm. Also I lost my tram ticket at the Showgrounds. I thought I could test out the 'bird shit on you equals to good luck' theory and hop on the tram illegally to go home but when I turned the corner to the tram stop it became glaringly obvious that that theory was thought up by losers who have been shit on by birds their whole life (I'm about two droppings away from that prospect). What should I see but two tram ticket officers patiently waiting to pounce on the unaware passengers in the incoming tram. So this story ends with me walking 4 kms from the Showgrounds in Flemington to Grattan St, Carlton. It's not a particularly pleasing ending but it was that or a possible $150 fine, and I needed the exercise anyway.

Tomorrow I'm working 5.45am-12 pm at Macca's then 1-7pm at the Show again. I did that last Saturday and died many little deaths when my day was over. You just know I'm going to be a total work horse in the future.

Some things in this world that don't make sense: The success of Three and A Half Men. That show is as formulaic as bad sitcoms come. It's like CSI X a bajillion. See? It's that bad that the analogy needs to cross genres to get the point across.

Other things in this world that don't make sense: My Super Ex-Girlfriend scoring a 5.7 over Date Movie's 2.7 over at IMDb.

I am currently holding out for Incubus tickets. Who cares if they've only just released the US tourdates or that Light Grenades hasn't actually been released to the public yet? I am ready to spend whatever and beyond for their concert tickets, if and when they decide to do a world tour. Which they should logically, to support their new album. I think. Somehow in my mind this stream of logic makes complete and total sense. I have a feeling this is going to come back and mock me in my face. Like when they chose to perform in Malaysia WHEN I WASN'T THERE, and skipped out on Australia when I was here instead. Jesus 'can I get some action' Christ man.

Since Ad and I were talking the other day about how she regretted not going to see James Blunt in action when he was around and in light of a certain someone posting about the SD John Mayer concert, I've been inspired to write about bands/artistes that I really want to see. Like of the 'my life depends on watching them live' kind of desire. The usuals are a given.

- TV On the Radio
- Stereophonics
- Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
- The Futureheads
- The Go! Team
- Blink 182 (Obviously not happening anytime soon. Damn you Tom 'douchebag' DeLonge. Angels & Airwaves sucks massive ass.)

Yeap, that's about it. I feel like going for the John Mayer concert on Nov 1. But much like Dashboard Confessional, he's one of the artistes I end up laughing at after three songs. I don't doubt that they're good and rock the guitar like only a guitar god can. But the emoness of it all.. tee hee. Overly sincere songs absolute crack me up if you haven't noticed already.

Oh my god. I just found out the Borat movie is being released in Australia on the 23rd of November. You can bet your ass that you'll only see me in Malaysia on the 24th at the very earliest.


I just found out that Sin City 2 is opening on the the 30th of Nov. See you guys in December!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Let it be known that had I ever made a crack at the Internet in the past, I take it all back. I love the Internet. Hell, I love technology. If it were human, I'd hit that. If it were an animal, I'd do as the Egyptians did and worship it. If it were peanut butter, I would spread it all over myself and dance in the rain in reverence for it.

Why the sudden change in attitude? Well, I just watched the premiere episode for Veronica Mars season 3. You can bet your bottom dollar that even knee-deep in human faeces, I'd still be sporting a huge ass goofy grin, the likes which will blow Goofy way out of the water. Gagging, but still grinning. That made no sense but who's really paying attention when the real point of the story is VERONICA MARS SEASON 3, EPISODE 1. But more importantly, me watching said episode of season 3 Veronica Mars. Before it premiered in the US, if I might add.

Fuck cleanliness. Live streaming Internet is next to godliness. On the other side of sits a certain Chairman. She f-ing rules.

The end.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Let's kill your broadband speed!

This is my attempt at photoblogging. Considering that I've got a digital camera now and I've taken over 400 shots to date (over the span of 3 months +), I figured I might as well put some up. These are mostly random shots taken at Melbourne Central, and the Royal Melbourne Show. Also, as a treat, there are three shots of me here, just because I know everyone loves a little slice of me. Henceforth shall the pictures overload begin!

Camera love!

This is my new phone, the Sony Ericsson k610i. It pretentiously refers to itself as a "videophone". I decided to upgrade my phone, and so after a year and a six months of sticking with my crappy LG U8120 phone, the fact that the person on the other line can hear me clearly now hasn't failed to astonish yet. I was actually deciding between the hot pink Motorola Razr v3x and this, and online reviews pretty much scared me off the v3x. Arrogance aside, the SE k610i is a nifty little bugger.

I also decided to exercise a little bit of class and get the white instead of the red model. If you're wondering why I didn't choose a clamshell style phone, note that while Justin Timberlake may be bringing sexy back, I'm bringing candybar phones back. Word to y
o motha, dudes.

My new milk crate. Also useful as a stool, a bedside table, a ladder, a shelve and well, pretty much anything. Don't ask how I come across these things. They just end up in my path, honest.

Now all is right in the world again and I have two milk crates again. I think it's such a 'poor student' stocktype thing to own but as cliched as it may be, I sure as hell love mah milk crates.

Charmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Words cannot describe how truly jealous I am. Season 3 starts on Oct 3. Damn you people in the US with access to the CW!!! I have come to realize that maybe the reason why people are turned off the shows I like is because of my fervent fanatisicm. Hence, I figured I'll put up a post someday giving a right and proper synopsis and review of shows that I watch in the hopes that you'll give it a shot and grow to love it as well. That being said I have still to write up my post where I compare teen shows, Veronica Mars, One Tree Hill and The OC that are starting their new seasons soon in the US.

The rides at this year's Royal Melbourne Show are absolutely crazy. Partly because each of them costs 6 bucks a ride and also cause they all spin at crazy angles, twirl like it's the natural way for lifeforms to do, and move in speeds that shouldn't be allowed for rides that aren't roller coasters. This one was actually only little league compared to the others. Like the Sunway Lagoon ride you're strapped in and like a huge giant swing, you start swinging till you're hanging upside down. Funny that it's called 'Ali Baba' though. Can you imagine the amount of kids going, "Open sesame! Goddammit, I said open sesame! Let me the fuck off this ride!! Wahhhhhhh -wails cutoff by swooshing motion of the ride-!!!."

I actually thought, "Oh, the cleverness of me!" when I thought up this screencap within a screencap picture. Mostly I just wanted to show you guys my kickass wallpaper. The clouds just sell the whole idea so much better.

This ride, god, was vicious. This picture makes it look so innocent. Like a pretty flower or something to that effect.

This is a more accurate picture of what it's about. You're strapped in the ride, and it spins round and round. As if that's not bad enough, the whole ride twirls at various axis as well. I love roller coasters but rides that go upside down, then around, just don't quite hold the same appeal for me.

"Australia's fastest ride". I honestly do not doubt that for a second. You can't see it yet cause the shutter speed was set to fast.

With slower shutter speed the speed of the ride becomes more apparent. God, they're just one big blur. Why do people want to go round and round repeatedly at really fast speeds? I never quite understood how that selling point worked.

Yet another ride, the Mega Mix, that goes round and round. If you look closer, you'll note that the people strapped in are actually upside down. I swear, almost every ride at the Royal Melbourne Show had the same basic concept. Had quick spinning rides been outlawed, nothing would be left but the ferris wheel. Even so, the wheel was turning suspiciously fast at times. Huh.

Gael Garcia Bernal love! This guy is so hot he could make the act of churning butter seem sexy in ways that Justin Timberlake can't even begin to fathom. I want to watch The Science of Sleep so badly. Almost worse than my need to watch The Fountain.

The giant swing. At the left of the giant swing is the Ali Baba ride as stated above. On the right is the vicious pretty flower. This is something to go under the 'action shot' category.

The landscape of the park at night. It's actually quite pretty. But the crowd, hot damn. It was so dense in the morning that I had to literally push through a family of four to get to the face painting stall on time. At night isn't a whole lot better. I had to push through a crowd of teeny gothkid wannabes just to get to the exit.

I always liked the different geometric designs on the walls of the third level of Melbourne Central. It's a bit underexposed here, but I reckon the washed out yellow is nicer to look at then the white paint.

Should I ever find a permanent place to live in the future (that is not a house), let it be known that I want my apartments to have this Spanish-Miami-Beach looking design. It is so pretty. Taken at St Kilda.

People avoid alleyways because they're dodgy. Some of them are actually pretty damn interesting to look at.

There is something wrong with this picture no? It gives me a headache everytime I look at it.

Well, it's mostly because the above was flipped. This is one of the many many stalls available at the showgrounds. Unfortunately the big ass polar bears weren't quite as choice as the big ass My Little Pony soft toys. Big ass purple ponies are a dime a dozen at the Royal Melbourne Show.

Hands down, this is the coolest shot of me here. Personally, I think I look really cool here. And not the 'Karen-hamming-it-up-for-the-camera cool' either. Like scenekid levels of cool. Ah, the wonders of a shower.

While waiting for the pictures to load, this thought fleeted into the thresholds of my mind. I reckon the worst insult anyone could say barring all mother-related insults is this; "He/She is so unfortunate looking." How do you respond to that? "So's your face" remains the best reply to every single insult imaginable.

I absolutely love the lights at the third floor of Melbourne Central. Everytime I walk by there I always look above to look at them. Someday I'm going to find out who designed the architecture of the revamped Melbourne Central and write a fangirl note to him/her.

Caption #1: "Oh my god! Help! That big giant hand just grabbed my purse!!!"
Caption #2: "Talk to the hand dude. Just keep talking."

Personally I prefer number two but if you can come up with anything else, feel free to drop it in the comments page.

And finally, geek love! I've even got a bobby pin in my hair. Which is in braids. Too damn awesome.

Thanks for making it to this point. As your reward for sticking with me that long, let me direct you to everybody's favourite show's blooper reels. Here's some YouTube links for Friends blooper reel, in chronological order of my favourite characters.

In high school, Chandler Bing was my favourite friend. Then while rewatching past seasons in Trinity, I came to realise that Joey was pretty awesome as well. Finally in my first year of uni, I came to appreciate one of the biggest losers in TV history, Ross Gellar.

Matthew Perry is byfar the most talented comedian among the six. Enjoy.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Royal Melbourne Show '06

It's bigger, it's grander and it's back!

The Royal Melbourne Show Sept 21-Oct 1 '06

Most importantly, I'm there daily (almost), ever ready to paint your faces! I will bend over and risk backache just to get the perfect angle on your cheek, I will continuously push your head back to perfect the Spiderman face, I will.. what the hell am I saying? Three quarter of the people who read this blog aren't in Australia and the one quarter that do have left age three a millenium ago. Moving on then.

Best customer of the day: Liam, age 9 (+/- 1)
He could do a British accent, an Irish accent, an Australian accent, and an Elmo voice, hot damn! I wished my younger cousins were this cool.

In other pointless news, I have been fighting a sick sneaker fetish lately. Although I need these as much as Bill Gates needs an extra million, I can't stop but look, and look, and look, and stare, and drool. It's gotten to the point where I pass by shoe shops and have to take a look in the window display. So, for no apparent reason except to quell this burning desire, I would like to own a pair of Vans Slip Ons, a pair of Onitsuka Tigers, a red Converse classic, and a watermelon pink Converse classic. And in the same vein, I would also like to own a pair of black MaryJanes, ideally Camper. I told you it was sick.

Oh goddammit! I just found the Vans Custom Shoe Builder feature on their website. I knew I should have done something about my lack of a credit card sooner.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Classic Karen Moment no #149

I woke up late for work today and as a result left home in a blind hurry. Two steps out of my room and I turn right back in to grab my forgotten housekeys. After trashing my room the second time round and still failing to uncover the keys, I figured I'd take a chance and hope that someone would be home to let me in when I got back.

As luck would have it no one is home when I get back. What entails is a forty minute pizza-eating, newpaper-reading lunch at the stairwell hoping that one of two things come forth; that 1) one of my housemates wasn't actually out but asleep and 2) my previous attempt at picking at a locked door wasn't a fluke. After very bruised knuckles and finding two hairpins with bubble ends, it becames glaringly obvious that Lady Luck had declared a fatwa against me today, so I head to the library; figured I'd borrow a movie and watch it there to kill time. Midway into eXistenZe, right at the point where my headache has imploded into a migraine, I take a gulp of water from my bottle and when I move to put the bottle back into my bag, what should I find but those damn housekeys.

I'm one of a kind, and you know it.

Anyways, onto moments that do not include total and utter idiocy, here is what I imagine a geek's attempt at trash talking, as found on one of the eXistenZe threads, "Why dont' u just stick to the Matrix, or better yet Revenge of the Sith." Subject matter was defending the the movie and David Cronenberg. Too hilarious.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Stupid Apple.

And by that I don't mean the spawn of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. I'm actually talking about Steve Jobs' Apple. Not his Adam's Apple, but his other Apple. The company, Apple. Ya dig? Oh Karen, here's a dead horse. Flogging it much?

After my iTunes version 4 ceased to work anymore last week, I caved and downloaded the most recent version, #6. Then a couple of days ago, Steve Jobs unveiled version 7. So, while I had that one fleeting moment of being in touch with new-fangled software techonology, that pleasure has been viciously ripped away from me to be replaced with a "iTunes version 7.0 is now available. Would you like to download it?" or a similar-themed pop-up whenever I open my iTunes. Damn you bad timing + Steve Jobs.

Among other things introduced during the Apple press conference is the latest version of the iPod Shuffle. On a completely irrelevant tangent, I am suddenly reminded of Derek Zoolander's mobile phone.

I will stop posting links in a bit. It's just with the usual burden of writing up essays, comes the onslaught of fascinating webpages that have the habit of being found when time really need not be idled away.

(I know I'm really pushing it but..)

In other news, the MPAA has taken legal action against Chinese pirates. MPAA = Motion Picture Association of America, to the clueless. Talk about losing a war before the fight even begun. Frank Rittman, an MPAA lawyer says

"buying pirated movies hurts the industry and makes it difficult for movie makers to make new films."
So many flaws with that statement, oh, where to begin.
1) The amount of hurt piracy does to the industry is miniscule when advertising and licensing for a film is taken into consideration. Plus everyone knows the money comes in through merchandising anyway, re: Star Wars.

2) Budget is just one small problem film makers have to face. The biggest being getting the attention of the movie executives to begin with.

3) Movie execs enjoy banking on the familiarity of old school movie makers that have helmed production in the past. Inexperience equals no go in Hollywood, which is totally unfair because people like Brett Ratner undeservedly gets the spotlight where else the Matthew Vaughns and Rian Johnsons of the world lurk in the background.

4) If by 'new films' you mean remakes and sequels.. then say it with me folks, viva la piracy!


To end, I would like to say Ad, I've seen the trailer for The Departed three times, and maybe it's the essay galore I'm in the midst of right now, but I don't get it. Like somewhere, somehow it should make sense, but it doesn't. I think my brain is physically incapable of seeing someone else in Tony Leung's role. I did notice the gratuitious sex scene though.. good on ya, Scorsese, cause everyone knows that sex plays such a vital role in the plot of the movie!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Lest you hear it elsewhere

Oxymoron of the 21st Century: Silent ringtones.

Honest to God, I'll stop blogging about stupid things people come up with when stupid people stop coming up with things.

This just made my month.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Riddle me this, Riddle me that

When did photoshopped pictures become the only type of pictures available for public posting on a blog/site? I understand that everybody wants to project a certain degree of flawlessness, whether subject to the Magic Wand of the Twentieh Century(tm)- the Airbrush, but when exactly did it reach this height of madness?

As a person who has had ezcema her whole life, I will admit to wanting to alter pictures of me on occasion. As if sores and blotchy skin weren't bad enough, having ezcema doesn't give you an out from the occasional breakout, and what with the penchant for zits appearing in the middle of my forehead, I should realistically be a hardcore Photoshop advocate. But I'm not mostly because I lack any forseeable Photoshop-ing skills, but that's besides the point honestly.

The point is that in less than three weeks I've been lambasted twice for supposedly putting up less than flattering pictures of friends, and I'm starting to wonder if there's a trend here. The pictures I chose weren't retarded, or shot at a bad angle, or badly litted, or badly framed or overexposed or underexposed or etc. In fact, they were just plain un-Photoshopped pictures of two of my best mates. Which begs the question: would I have had a different reaction had I airbrush/Photoshop them to oblivion?

Maybe it's because there has never been a more celebrity-obsessed era than now in the era of the New Millenium. We objectify celebrities who are portrayed as flawless goddesses on magazine covers and websites and strive to achieve that level of perfection. Together with the fact that access to technology has never been more democratic, the means to alter our digital image has never been easier. Maybe that explains the Photoshop craze that has befallen the public blog sphere.

Or maybe, just maybe, over the years people have lost the ability to love themselves. Everybody wants to be glamourous and perfect to the point where pictures lack any semblance of humanity. Replace the gorgeous Photoshopped people with mannequins and the content remains the same. And while I might be overstating the significance of pictures in the grand scheme of life, to me they represent a snapshot of you at a certain point in your life. Whether that is the gawky years of puberty or the acne-infested years of teenage life, the picture is proof that you existed there and then- sort of the metamorphorsis you went through before you ended up where you are now. And if every single one of the picture was Photoshopped to cover your flaws, then it isn't quite a celebration of your life's journey, is it?

I have too much assignments and not enough time to go further in detail. Suffice to say that I caved again and took down the picture as per my friend's request. I'm not entirely happy with my final decision but I figured to be fair I'll wipe the slate clean and remove all previous pictures that contained any friends in them. The backlash is just. too. effing. annoying.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

To The 'Meroxing' Chit

I know I'm about 48 hours late but hell, I figured even when you're 20 years and 2 days old it's still an occasion to celebrate the day of your birth.

And no, that is not a lame excuse for me not posting this up earlier.

Besides, if the postal service worked the way it should, you should have received the real thing by Wednesday at least.

In the words of Jack Twist, "I wish I knew how to quit.. ribbing you all the damn time". You are the last of a dying breed, a breed that still reacts to my inane actions and words. Live. Live on, my fairweathered friend. Should you die, be like the phoenix and rise again to glorious life.

Was that laying it on too thick? I think at some point even that analogy ran away from me. Oh hell. HaPpY tWeNTiEtH BuRfdAyYyYy (LiKe oH mY gOsHnEsSsSsS).

Seriously. How annoying is it when people type like that?

Friday, September 01, 2006

The Infomation Super Highway.

If you are in a country where Snakes on a Plane hasn't opened yet, or if like me, you want to watch it yet don't want to fork out money to watch them motherfucking snakes on a motherfucking plane, read this unabridged review/cheat-sheet here. I think the transcribed experience will far outrank any number of viewings in a cinema.

For the pop-culture enthusiast, Fametracker is the site for you. Created by one of the writers of Television w/o Pity, the site is a pop culture geek's wetdream with the added bonus of snark, snark and more snark. Unfamiliar with the concept of snark? Read the Keanu Reeves fame audit and henceforth may your world be more enlightened and snark-ful.

I don't make it a habit to read blogs of celebrities cause on the off-chance that there is an update at all, 95 percent of the content is plugs for their current product/venture. That being said, I will admit to frequenting Zach Braff's site cause plugs aside, he is actually funny on occasion. Either he's hamming up the goofy J.D persona on Scrubs or somewhere, somehow the line between reality and fiction blurred and coagulated around Braff's real-life character.

Also, not that this is particularly relevant right now, but Phil Keoghan's blog (host of) that correlated with the most recent season of Amazing Race makes for a really good read, if only because you find out how the intricacies of the show. For example, although we don't see it on the show contestants actually have to buy four tickets when flying, the extra two for the camera crew that is. A whole new insight (and appreciation) to be gained after reading Phil two cents' worth into the production aspect of The Amazing Race, plus the truth behind BJ and Tyler's orange pants.

One pitfall of celebrity sites: while I may love Travis Barker, the drummer, I absolutely loathe Travis Barker, the blogger. His writing style.. urghh. Bane of my existence, I tell ya. He might as well tYpe LiKe ThIs!!!#!!!

And for chuckles, here's something else for the attention span-challenged people. Created by Amir Blumenfeld, one of the writers for CollegeHumor, it's a whole bunch of video away messages that AOL users can use in place of plain text away messages. I get that we in Asia/Oceania don't use AOL but it is definitely funny to see these shorts regardless of. Plus, should MSN ever evolve to include video away messages, this would be an inspiration for something a little less dull than a a video of us holding up a hand-written 'brb' sign.

Finally, to see why should I ever have a middle name it would be 'shameless', click Spag's "The Krispy Kreme Adventure" post. Donuts, warm weather and good company.. I AM GOD.


From Clerks 2,
"Is that the fucking bible?"
"Hey, hey. The holy fucking bible, son."

God, I love that movie. It doesn't quite compare to the first installment, I'll admit. And while the pacing was quite erratic and the character of Elias alternating between geek and pitiful-wretched-being annoying, for 97 minutes the general audience, plus me, had a really good time. There were claps, "hell yeahs" and cries of "What the fuck?" followed by huge laughter throughout the film. I noted that the crowd was basically made up of college-slacker-kids and yuppie-type-professionals and whether they were there because they were fans of number one (looks to be it) or because Miami Vice was sold out (highly unlikely X 1000000000), they certainly added to my viewing pleasure.

The movie was one big cinematic lovefest; from Kevin Smith's promise to Jason Mewes that if he got off drugs successfully the role of Jay would be revived one more time, to the 100000 Myspace friends that were credited at the end of the movie to the use of Harley Quinn Smith (best celeb kid's name ever), Kevin's kid and his wife, to the cameos by Jason Lee and Ben Affleck, past players in the ViewAskew universe.. It is one giant "up yours" to bland comedies with Owen Wilson playing lovable rascals, to movie executives who refuse to cast a role, let alone a lead one, to an unknown actor, to shitty scripts who attempt at realism but come off fake, to drugs, to living the rat race, to corporations, to yuppies and especially, Hollywood. Most of all, this is love between Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith and the Weinstein Company, to geek culture, to Star Wars, and most definitely, Kevin Smith's wit and his love for words.

Hell, should I ever be on the verge of suicide, remind me to watch Randal's interpretation of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and all will be good again. Brilliance on the cusp of true genius.