Thursday, January 29, 2009

The lottery ticket: so random

In a bid to prove to my family that inflicting meaning into random numbers in order to rationalize buying a lottery ticket is utterly ridiculous and senseless, my brother and I did this thing where we pulled out random cards out of a deck of cards.

The first number is a product of our truly random selection (we just moved the cards around and pulled out two cards each - me first followed by him). The second number is a combination of the days we were born.

In the paper the next day, 3648 came out as a consolation prize number.

There is a lesson to be learned here, me thinks while gloating in a corner.

One, lottery numbers really are random. And two, next time I'm pulling out three cards instead of just two. So there!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #3 of 3

The Important
aka the one where I'll accept with much gratitude and no fuss.

1. Gift certificates for Topshop
I would point out certain things I want from Topshop itself but the list is ever changing and I am a pretty fickle shopper, so a gift certificate, as lame and grandma as it might seem, is actually perfect.

2. Notebooks (of the paper variety) Thanks Small Ad!
They don't even have to be pretty or with fancy coloured paper or smell like grapes. Moleskines would be ideal, but really, any hard covered notebook (so things don't get squished) with not-too-thin paper gets a thumbs up from me. If we're talking spiral notebooks, the shorthand 210 X 127mm would be preferable. If you want to get me a notebook of the portable laptop variety, don't let me stop you there and for your information, red is my favourite colour and those Sony Vaio are looking pretty sweet.

3. Subscription to magazines
- Vanity Fair (USA)
- Interview (USA)
- InStyle (USA)
- Empire (Aus)
- Frankie (Aus)
- The Big Issue (Aus)

4. Vanity Fair: The Portraits: A Century of Iconic Images photobook You're way too nice, Nick.
Why, hello there Amazon!.

5. That Extra Half an Inch by Victoria Beckham Seriously, Nick.
I C U @ Amazon.
For reals? Oh yeah.

6. Episodes of TV series I want to watch but have yet to download
- Ugly Betty S3 I love you Penang, home of the cheap RM4 DVDs for which I'm RM 200 less now.
- Brothers and Sisters S3
- Friday Night Lights S3 I <3>The Big Bang Theory S1 Thanks, Nick!
- Breaking Bad I'll have your baby, torrents!
- My Name is Earl S2 and S3 See Penang.
- Full series of Malcolm in the Middle
- any other tv series you think I might enjoy, I'm open to all kinds of suggestions
These don't even have to come in the form of a proper series. So long as you've got them, I'll come running with blank CDs or DVDs or hell, my external just to get it off you.

7. Sign up to be an organ donor
If you're Malaysian and in Malaysia, I'll even give you the official form and get it processed for you. If you're Malaysian and not in Malaysia, that's cool too. Just head on over to the official website, print out the form and snail mail the donor form to the address. Whatever citizen of whichever country you are, please consider signing up to be an organ donor. People like to ponder and ruminate about life after death, and being no god (at least not a real one) or goddess, I can't predict what will happen. This much I know is true though, if you are an organ donor, you can rest assured that in your dying moments you can look forward to someone's life carrying on after your death. I don't know about you, but for me, that at least delivers some kind of concrete answer about the afterlife. Plus hey, if you feel like you've been a loser your whole life, at least you know that you did something selfless and great after your death which nullifies the whole loserhood thing, and thus you come out a champion. Awesomesauce, right?

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #2 of 3

The Implausible
Cause let's face it. Even if anyone got me anything from this list, I'd have to return it on account of it's just way too much. But this doesn't stop me from putting this up just to show how materialistic and greedy I am.

1. Nikkor R2D2 Home Entertainment System

"It can project images up to 80in wide in 800x600 pixel resolution. It has an in-built DVD/CD/MP3 player, FM radio, speakers, outputs for hooking up to surround sound systems, a USB slot, memory card reader and – if that’s not enough – a pop-out iPod dock." ...Gizmodo

So what if I don't have an iPod. I'd at least like the option to put it in, you know?

2. i-Roomba

It's a vacuum cleaner that is programmed to find dirt and suck it by its own. That means, no more lugging out big ass vacuum and stashing it away later. Also, hello, Arrested Development much?

3. A Segway
If you haven't guess by the iRoomba want, I am very very lazy. So a Segway to transport me from my house to my car or my kitchen to my living room would on the sweet side of awesome and then some.

4. Pentax 10-17mm Fish Eye lens

This is the sex.

5. Full set of Battle Royale manga

It annoys me that I still haven't finish this. So a full set would be superbly awesome.

6. Sony Ericsson Xperia X1


7. Canon Selphy ES1

It makes printing pictures a breeze. Just stick your SD card in, select and print. I totally want one of course.

8. Suzuki Vitara (discontinued model)

I've been in love with this car since way back I was in high school. They don't make this model anymore so if there ever was a perfect time to buy one for me, it'd be now. I'd drive it, squeal, and then return it to you.

9. Watchmen: The Graphic Novel I love you, Chaz.

Or any other graphic novels by Alan Moore would be good too.

10. The boys of Friday Night Lights

Zach Gilford, Taylor Kitsch and Kyle Chandler. Please and thank you. (No guarantee that they will be returned in the same form they were first received in)

10. Bodhi Safety Pin Bag

Retail price: US$ 748

11. Icon Watch

Retail price: US$ 82

12. Issey Miyake for Seiko

Retail price: US$ ???

13. Frank Gehry Postive/Negative Watch for Fossil

Unfortunately this watch was from 2 years ago. You can't find it on anywhere but eBay anymore, much to my chagrin. And even then they always go for so damn much!

14. Miu Miu Nappa Bag

Retail price: US$ 1385

15. Proenza Schouler PS1 Bag Retail price: Over US$4000

16.Triple Backseam Charnos tights

Discontinued. Much to my displeasure.

17. These posters

The photoshopped Arrested Development/Star Wars poster. I find it absolutely hilarious, and hey, check out that segway in the bottom right corner!

This isn't even a poster. I have it labelled as a 'poster card'. Whatever that means. This one poster card makes up for the shitty "yippies!" we all had to sit through with Jake Lloyd.

Oh, Gary Oldman. Perhaps revealing the true extent of my fondness for Harry Potter, I really do want this poster. If not cause it stems from my favourite book in the series, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, is because I may or may not have come up with the most brilliant viral marketing plan for one of my products at work. Whatever the reason you choose to believe, I want it.

I care a bit too much movie poster designs more so than the average pop culture enthusiast, I think. This is one I want to own and pet.

I am a big fan of Polish movie posters. What are they? In a bid to prevent America culture from spilling into their streets in the 1980s, the communist government made it a rule that movies from America had to have a Polish-made poster. Hence, Polish movie posters. This one is for Star Wars. It was made by Michal Ksiazek.

/true movie geekiness.

This is the Polish poster for The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. 'Ptaki' translates to 'death'. Created by Bronislaw Zelek.

Polish poster for To Sir, With Love. Created by Maria Ihnatowicz.

Oh, come on. I even went to watch that stupid ass X-Files 2! I at least deserve a poster for sitting through that steaming pile of shit.

And for you, dear reader, I want Blogger to create a Livejournal type LJ-cut feature so that posts like this that you could care less about you can be scrolled over easier. Don't say I never think about you. I'm nice that way.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #1 of 3

The Impossible

1. World peace
No, but really.

2. For people in power to stop dicking around the people without power
I was just kidding about Impossible Want #1, but this I'm totally serious about. I think the tiny idealist in me, and we're talking like really tiny - a googleplex even, refuses to give up to reality and can't help being a hippie bohemian. I really do think that the world would be a better place if everyone was just nicer to each other, or even by paying a good deed forward (the schmaltz though, is really unnecessary). It starts with a bully choosing to give up his tormenting ways, to a kid who's got a new reign on life after realizing the torment ends, and so on and so forth. I don't have to paint you a picture, baby Haley Joel Osment and his baby blues have done a good enough job.

Why it is imposible: Because when you're on top, very few will care to look down, let alone care for the route up there.

3. For people all over the world to be self-confident and self-assured
Insecurity is a terrible thing. It causes people to think
that being thin is worth puking away their boobs or that eating a bullet is better than living. Again with the hippie bohemian act thing but self-confidence is sorely lacking in today's population, and if people would just start believing in themselves I think real change can happen. Hell, there doesn't even need to be a drastic world-altering change. I'll settle for people finally being happy. Sincerely and truly.

Why it is impossible: People are too easily influenced and persuaded. A fact advertisers and marketing folks use to make a buck out of.

4. For all my loved one to be in the same country for a recurring extended time
Preferably, forever would be better. But I'm trying to be as realistic as I can about this list and so this is my compromise. I want to be able to gather up everyone I love and meet them every two months for a length no shorter than 4 days. Even then, this is impossible. I hate isolated nation states.

Why it is impossible: Because the logistics of it are beyond mind-boggling.

5. Perfect healthy skin
I was angry for such a long time at the injustice of being saddled with shitty skin. And in a deluded attempt to help cheer me up, people always tell me, "Why it's not so bad. At least you don't have psoriasis." Please by all means, discount and make light of my eczema while I scratch and draw blood. Sure, physically eczema sufferers may be faring better, but mate, the psychological damage is already done. Wearing a baju kurung in blazing hot sun during school would not have been my attire of choice if I didn't have anything to hide, ya dig? Anyway, fast forward and I'm a lot less bitter. Most months I actually get along quite well without even sparing a thought about the condition of my skin. But next to that hidden idealistic hippie bohemian lies one very bitter girl. She doesn't rear her head much around these parts but everytime I see the first star or catch a fallen eyelash, she's the one making this wish.

Why it is impossible: Because try as you might, you can change your boobs, your hair, your butt, but you cannot fuck around with genes.

6. For Katy Perry to die in a fire
If you're going to be hogging up all the space on radio airwaves, at least have a smidgen of talent. By Katy Perry, I'm actually referring to people who can't sing a note to save their lives being forced on me. So to borrow and alter a quote from Mean Girls, "Music honchos, stop trying to make Katy Perry/Simple Plan/Avril Lavigne/The Simpson sister/Family Guy happen!"

Why it is impossible: Because the media is high selective and if you come in an easily marketable packaged, you're the one they're going to go with. I mean, Britney isn't exactly Aretha Franklin material, capische?

7. For 'random' and 'emo' to die out from people's daily vernacular
What the hell is 'emo' anyway? People have use it to describe a dog, a state of mind, an expression, a music type, how they feel about their homework and yet it remains this stupid piece of meaningless fluff that doesn't have any real meaning to it. Here's a tip: sad, depressed, unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, morose, bitter - these are the words you probably refer to whenever you use 'emo'. Oh good lord, if you dare say or think "What is she getting all emo about", I will cut a bitch and reign terror down on you six ways from Sunday and then perhaps you will really know what 'emo' is. Ditto random. I will accept the bastardization of the English language in text or Internet speak, but I draw the line when one pathetic word is used to describe a myriad of emotions.

Why it is impossible: Because there will always be 16 year old kids in this world.

8. For the Malaysian film censorship board to get real
The reality being that people have sex, kiss, curse, are gay, are racists, die (some more gruesomely than others), and wear provocative things. You can try to hide it by cutting out or forbidding such scenes, but your archaic way of thinking and acting isn't doing anything to prevent it from actually happening. What you're just doing is annoying the shit out of paying audiences who are severely chagrined by your already shitty film quality to begin with as well as proving your utter fuckwit-ness.

Why it is impossible: There is no freedom of speech here, so how can there be freedom in celluloid entertainment?

9. For no more money politics in our government
I wish the fall of Badawi, our current Prime Minister who was once ironically dubbed 'Mr. Clean' at the start of his tenure for weeding out corruption, would be indicative of changing times, but as long as we continue to have such little transparency within our local politics, the buying of votes for favours is simply impossible to stop. It is so incredibly pathetic and shameful that every Malaysian citizen knows about the rife corruption going on here. It starts from paying out cops to avoid getting a ticket and snowballs to ministers exchanging projects or favours for cash. I don't even have to name names. I'm sure at the point at least three instances have already popped into your head. How utterly depressing is that?

Why it is impossible: See Impossible Want #2. Also, very few people actually like change. It's the Malaysian way to complain the shit out of something and not actually be proactive and make change happen.

10. For contests to stop resorting to 10 words or less slogans as a judging method
I'll make it clear to you: 'This is incredibly annoying, asshole.'

Why it is impossible: Because making you work for free gifts seems like a better yardstick for judging contests when really, everybody knows pulling a name out of the hat is much easier and less aggravating on contestants.