Monday, January 05, 2009

Things I Want or "Hello, 2009, look what you can give me since my birthday is in about a month"; Part #1 of 3

The Impossible

1. World peace
No, but really.

2. For people in power to stop dicking around the people without power
I was just kidding about Impossible Want #1, but this I'm totally serious about. I think the tiny idealist in me, and we're talking like really tiny - a googleplex even, refuses to give up to reality and can't help being a hippie bohemian. I really do think that the world would be a better place if everyone was just nicer to each other, or even by paying a good deed forward (the schmaltz though, is really unnecessary). It starts with a bully choosing to give up his tormenting ways, to a kid who's got a new reign on life after realizing the torment ends, and so on and so forth. I don't have to paint you a picture, baby Haley Joel Osment and his baby blues have done a good enough job.

Why it is imposible: Because when you're on top, very few will care to look down, let alone care for the route up there.

3. For people all over the world to be self-confident and self-assured
Insecurity is a terrible thing. It causes people to think
that being thin is worth puking away their boobs or that eating a bullet is better than living. Again with the hippie bohemian act thing but self-confidence is sorely lacking in today's population, and if people would just start believing in themselves I think real change can happen. Hell, there doesn't even need to be a drastic world-altering change. I'll settle for people finally being happy. Sincerely and truly.

Why it is impossible: People are too easily influenced and persuaded. A fact advertisers and marketing folks use to make a buck out of.

4. For all my loved one to be in the same country for a recurring extended time
Preferably, forever would be better. But I'm trying to be as realistic as I can about this list and so this is my compromise. I want to be able to gather up everyone I love and meet them every two months for a length no shorter than 4 days. Even then, this is impossible. I hate isolated nation states.

Why it is impossible: Because the logistics of it are beyond mind-boggling.

5. Perfect healthy skin
I was angry for such a long time at the injustice of being saddled with shitty skin. And in a deluded attempt to help cheer me up, people always tell me, "Why it's not so bad. At least you don't have psoriasis." Please by all means, discount and make light of my eczema while I scratch and draw blood. Sure, physically eczema sufferers may be faring better, but mate, the psychological damage is already done. Wearing a baju kurung in blazing hot sun during school would not have been my attire of choice if I didn't have anything to hide, ya dig? Anyway, fast forward and I'm a lot less bitter. Most months I actually get along quite well without even sparing a thought about the condition of my skin. But next to that hidden idealistic hippie bohemian lies one very bitter girl. She doesn't rear her head much around these parts but everytime I see the first star or catch a fallen eyelash, she's the one making this wish.

Why it is impossible: Because try as you might, you can change your boobs, your hair, your butt, but you cannot fuck around with genes.

6. For Katy Perry to die in a fire
If you're going to be hogging up all the space on radio airwaves, at least have a smidgen of talent. By Katy Perry, I'm actually referring to people who can't sing a note to save their lives being forced on me. So to borrow and alter a quote from Mean Girls, "Music honchos, stop trying to make Katy Perry/Simple Plan/Avril Lavigne/The Simpson sister/Family Guy happen!"

Why it is impossible: Because the media is high selective and if you come in an easily marketable packaged, you're the one they're going to go with. I mean, Britney isn't exactly Aretha Franklin material, capische?

7. For 'random' and 'emo' to die out from people's daily vernacular
What the hell is 'emo' anyway? People have use it to describe a dog, a state of mind, an expression, a music type, how they feel about their homework and yet it remains this stupid piece of meaningless fluff that doesn't have any real meaning to it. Here's a tip: sad, depressed, unhappy, sorrowful, dejected, morose, bitter - these are the words you probably refer to whenever you use 'emo'. Oh good lord, if you dare say or think "What is she getting all emo about", I will cut a bitch and reign terror down on you six ways from Sunday and then perhaps you will really know what 'emo' is. Ditto random. I will accept the bastardization of the English language in text or Internet speak, but I draw the line when one pathetic word is used to describe a myriad of emotions.

Why it is impossible: Because there will always be 16 year old kids in this world.

8. For the Malaysian film censorship board to get real
The reality being that people have sex, kiss, curse, are gay, are racists, die (some more gruesomely than others), and wear provocative things. You can try to hide it by cutting out or forbidding such scenes, but your archaic way of thinking and acting isn't doing anything to prevent it from actually happening. What you're just doing is annoying the shit out of paying audiences who are severely chagrined by your already shitty film quality to begin with as well as proving your utter fuckwit-ness.

Why it is impossible: There is no freedom of speech here, so how can there be freedom in celluloid entertainment?

9. For no more money politics in our government
I wish the fall of Badawi, our current Prime Minister who was once ironically dubbed 'Mr. Clean' at the start of his tenure for weeding out corruption, would be indicative of changing times, but as long as we continue to have such little transparency within our local politics, the buying of votes for favours is simply impossible to stop. It is so incredibly pathetic and shameful that every Malaysian citizen knows about the rife corruption going on here. It starts from paying out cops to avoid getting a ticket and snowballs to ministers exchanging projects or favours for cash. I don't even have to name names. I'm sure at the point at least three instances have already popped into your head. How utterly depressing is that?

Why it is impossible: See Impossible Want #2. Also, very few people actually like change. It's the Malaysian way to complain the shit out of something and not actually be proactive and make change happen.

10. For contests to stop resorting to 10 words or less slogans as a judging method
I'll make it clear to you: 'This is incredibly annoying, asshole.'

Why it is impossible: Because making you work for free gifts seems like a better yardstick for judging contests when really, everybody knows pulling a name out of the hat is much easier and less aggravating on contestants.