Friday, May 05, 2006

That'll do, pig.

I swear, that has to be one of the best damn lines in film history. It's concise, straight to the point and easy to remember. And James Cromwell's delivery? Nothing short of brilliant. Sure, the story revolves around a pig that talks. Who suffers from one hell of a identity crisis. But hey, doesn't change nothing.

I'm currently watching Footloose on TV while waiting for "The Best of Borat" on YouTube to finish downloading and surfing random trivia on IMDb. To top it all off I am als
o currently eating my body weight in Homebrand (a generic Australian brand) chocolate covered scorched almonds. Yeap. Just another Friday night in the world of 'Wild Thang' Karen. Hey, boring as it may sound, I'm having a ball just watching Kevin Bacon dance himself into a wild frenzy between snippets of Sacha Baron Cohen pissing off the entire population of a country. Or maybe it's the chocolate lulling me into a sense of false amusement. Huh.

So, here's a couple of things on IMDb I thought interesting enough to share.

#1. Neil Flynn, who some of you might know as The Janitor in Scrubs, is 6'6''. After watching an episode where he mock-played Lurch from The Addams Family ("You rang?" hee.), I got curious about his height. And holy cow. He could afford to pass on 3 inches to me, and while I'll then stand at the general average of 5'4'', he'd still be taller than a lot of people in the world.

#2. And the original actor who played Lurch in The Addams Family? Now he's seven foot tall.

That is just... tall.

So on a whim, I've decided to create a top 10 list. Hence, here's -

10 Movies That Karen Was Nuts About When She Was A Kid (before
the age of thirteen)

1. Jumanji
I lost count after my eleventh viewing, so I don't exactly know the total times I've watched the movie. Thinking about it now, I can't exactly explain my infatuation with the movie. Hell, I remember loving the movie so much I watch three screenings of it in two days. Weird, huh? I suppose it was the action/adventure elements to it that had me ho
ok, line and sinker. I guess the thrill of believing that such a boardgame could exist in real life got my heart all a-flutter. Or blame it on repeated moments of lapsed sanity? Nyeh. My sister once told me that she saw a Jumanji boardgame selling at Jaya Jusco, and I just about went ape-shit crazy. Then I devoted an entire page in my then diary expressing my pain when I found out she was just lying. Think "I hate Gill" in big, block letters written repeatedly on a page.

2. Stephen Chow Sing Chi's movies
Dudes, he rocks. Flat out. While my sister was a fan of Andy Lau and my brother, Aaron Kwok, I was championing Stephen Chow. It was the slapstick, nonsensical, absurdist humour -

Oh god. I'm at the end of Footloose. Call me a dork, but how cool is that whole dance sequence?! I reckon teen flicks this era need to have less catty bitch
fights and more synchronised dancing. Sure they went out of style in the Eighties but if high-waisted jeans can make a comeback, I say anything's possible.

Right. So I thought Fight Back to School was beyond brilliant. I'm actually going through a phase now where I'm on the hunt for Stephen Chow movies. Although technically, I suppose it hasn't start yet. I need to be back in Malaysia to be able to hunt down right and proper Cantonese versions of the movie, not some Mandarin-dubbed piss poor excuse for the movie.

3. Street Fighter
Oh, come on. Like you secretly weren't. If you didn't grow up with Street Fighter on Sega, you are either a product of centuries of inbreeding or you were one depraved kid who is a direct product of parents who started out their relationship as 'kissing cousins'. Sure, maybe your love for the video game did not translate to the film, but watching Ryu being played out on TV was like kid-heaven for me. Years later I would re-watch the film again and feign ignorance at the memories of kid-Karen proclaiming this movie "was the best thing ever and will always be my favourite" when reminded. But the couple of times I caught it on TV when I was a kid was like pure b
liss. Well, you know how it goes. Ignorance and all that.

4. Tremors
If you never caught this, you need to drop everything that you're doing and watch it right now. No, really. It is surprisingly good. And by good, I mean I can watch this in the present day and not cringe and rethink my first impression of it. I remember watching this and thinking Kevin Bacon was 'cool stuff'. Of course, 'cool stuff' would later evolve to become 'hot stuff', but that's a story for another day hey. And besides, Kevin Bacon still remains pretty damn hot as it is. The story is an exercise in brilliant scriptwriting cloaked in a campy outfit that mixes good performances and tight directing. The premise is simple.
Giant worm-like things that feed on meat end up preying on the residents of a small just-north-of-nowhere town. The way the humans fight back is simpler. Dynamite. No wacky incantations or plot-scheming activity that will utterly fail in the end. It's like a giant DUH when you think about it. I can't remember if there was an explanation given behind their mutation but that's beyond the point. It's shlock campy and I use this term very loosely, 'horror', at it's best.

5. Ghostbusters 1
"Who you gonna callllllllllll?" I didn't know much about sarcasm then, but even I could tell Bill Murray was nothing short of gold.

6. Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Saw ruined Cary Elwes for me. Back then, he was the cute, charming Robin Hood who talked a mile a minute and hung out in the forest with a bunch of dodgy characters who among other things, did old school rap collectively. Now he's the old dude who took life for granted and had to face the choice between his ankle and his family, eventually losing in a lose-lose situation. :( Insipid smiley faces aside, this movie is awesome. It's so packed with gags and jokes that you can watch this movie repeatedly and still find new things to laugh at. I think the last time I saw it was a couple of years back. And boy did I chuckle when I finally clued in
on the "new Latin" the pastor was talking in.

*Spoiler alert*

It was Pig Latin. Simply ingenious.

7. Dracula: Dead and Loving It
If you haven't quite noticed already, me? A big fan of Mel Brooks. Back then, I didn't know nuts about the importance of a writer/director's role so I had yet to worship at the altar of Mel Brooks (or Joss Whedon, alternately). All I knew was this show w
as the hot-diggety bomb. It was lame, yes. And some parts were incredibly campy. But overall the show was boosted by the performance of Peter MacNicol as Renfield, butt-monkey to Dracula. Come hang with my brother and me and the mere mention of "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" has us pissing our pants.

8. Robocop
Yeah yeah... so cringe-inducing. But when you're young and you have it on VHS, you'll sure be spending lots of moments after school zoning out and watching it. Ditto Cinderella. I didn't particularly fancy them two, but we had it on tape and after re
peated viewings you tend to start taking a shine to it.

Erm.. I switched on my fan heater and there was a slight burst of flames. That's bad, right? Frick on a stick with a brick! Gill isn't going to be none too pleased about this turn of events.

9. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
I love this movie. Period. How redundant is it to go 'period' then have a period right about it? Anyhoo.. this movie to me is what all action flicks should aspire to be. It's actually got some plot to it! Sketchy, true. But there's some semblance of it. Nicely balanced with some very impressive effects, big explosions, and quotable quotes and there you go: t
he perfect recipe for a successful action movie. This scene always gets to me somehow.

John Connor: "We're not going to make it, are we? People I mean."
Terminator: "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves."
John Connor: "Yeah. Major drag, huh?"

And the whole "I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do" bit. Bring in the 'awwwwww' factor. See, it's not that girls are vehemently opposed to action movies. They just prefer action movies that aren't 33 minutes of explosions, 21 minutes of
a car chase, 15 minutes of scantily dressed girl throwing herself at hero and 8 minutes plot development -cough- MI3 -cough-.

10. The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty.
One, I always thought that Princess Aurora in SB was the prettiest Disney Princess ever. And the prince? The most handsome. Until Aladdin came along. But Aladdin had the world's stupidest cap/hat/headgear. It was beyond dorky. Two, I was so fascinated by TLM that in kindergarden I made my friends call me Ariel, and even crossed out my name on my exercise books to replace it with Ariel. Three, -blush-. Whatever.

11. The Neverending Story
I don't understand how this made so much sense before. In an attempt to rekindle my childhood memories, I borrowed the movie from the library with such glee. And the only obvious way I think the movie can make any remote sense is if you watched it while you were tripping on a hallucinogen drug and/or smoking incessant amounts of weed.

12. Gremlins

Gizmo = epitome of cute. See, I have a Mogwai of my own.


Know what else is awesome?

That Clerks II: The Passion of the Clerks is coming out this year. It is not a stretch to say that heads will be rolling if it doesn't open in Australian cinemas. My head, actually. While yelling an anguished, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" into the air. I think to make it just a wee bit more dramatic my hands will be raised to the sky, fists curled to project my infinite hurt. I actually checked out the trailer on YouTube and the trailer looks promising. Say what you will about Kevin Smith deciding to create a sequel to a sacred classic but I reckon he knows what he's doing. Afterall, master of weaving insanely entertaining dialogue about the most mundane event is he. Is Randall not the coolest thing next to Brodie or what?

Also, I finally took it upon myself to hunt down the X3 trailer. And nyehhh. I just can't garner any enthusiasm about it, unlike my reaction to number two. I guess all the hype's gone to Clerks II. Come on! Randall and Brodie sharing screen time. A girl can't deny the appeal of that.