Thursday, July 28, 2005

Rotten eggs. You don't wanna wake up that way.

Yesterday night I learned that eggs seriously can go bad. And when they do, the smell... a field of tulips it does not smell like. Call me ignorant but up until yesterday I had never gotten a whiff of rotten eggs. I mean, I just never had the opportunity and one doesn't exactly go around hunting for rotten eggs to smell, ya know? Somehow, although the expiry date on the eggs have passed, they're still okay and cook-able. Or at least the one in my afternoon egg sandwich was. Expiry date: 18 July 2005, mind you.

Cut to 11 o'clock at night and I was in the midst of making chocolate chip cookie dough. Not a very easy feat without the electronic mixer, but everything was going real good. Almost flawlessly in fact. Till it came to the part where the instructions say, "Crack 2 eggs into batter". Ewwww. Gross smell + icky visuals (the yolk was a nice shade of dark brown) = total lost of interest in baking. I had to throw the whole batter out cause I cracked the egg into it. What an absolute waste of 230 g of butter, 300 g of sugar, 380 g of flour and 1 tsp of vanilla essence. On the bright side, I didn't have to clean up the mixing bowl. When last questioned, Gill thoroughly regretted her decision to be washer (as opposed to baker).

I know I made an oath not to post lyrics here. But after much mulling over, I decided to make an exception for this one. It's not good or anything, but it cracked me up. Personally I haven't heard the song, so I can't comment. But seriously, the lyrics are pretty damn hilarious. The song is by The Ataris and it's called Ben Lee. Ben Lee is like this high profile Australian musician from New South Wales whose music reached the airwaves in America (hence, the extra popularity in Australia. They're super 'Australia boleh', by the way). His music is quite alt rock-pop. Easy listening stuff. Personally, I think he's claim to fame is his 6 or 7 year+ relationship with Claire Danes that ended after Danes dumped him for Billy Crudup, who was the lead actor in Almost Famous. Ben Lee has been in the music biz since 14, I think, and is widely regarded as one talented Aussie bloke. God, I sound like this gossip magazine.

Anyway, I'm deducing that The Ataris has got a huge crush on Claire Danes. Yes, I surf lyrics site. Yes, I'm a geek. Cause they have this song out called 'My So-Called Life', which was a TV series that Danes starred in (her claim to fame). Basically the song gushes on about the greatness that is Claire Danes. Right. Back to the original point. Here's the lyrics to 'Ben Lee'. Lol.

The Ataris - Ben Lee
I never met someone so jaded
Your music's really over rated
Nothing but a lot of pretentious noise
I know that Claire Danes is your chick
To me you're just some ugly prick
Who got lucky cause he knew the Beastie Boys
And I cant stand it

A lot goes on but nothing happens
But this time that's not true
I wrote this song for you
To tell you that your 15 minutes of fame are almost up
Yea one more thing, Ben Lee you suck

Bob Dylan must be kinda pissed
Cause you've been writing all his hits
Packaged and reprocessed for the world
I'd love to kick you in the face
Break your legs and throw you from a train
Cause you're such a fucking girl
And I cant stand it

I guess this song's come to an end
I'll say good bye until we meet again
You better stay out of my town
Cause if i had way
I'd call up Snoop, Ice Cube, and Dr. Dre
We'd come and beat you down

Ahahahhahaha. It must be so amusing being a popular rock band. You get to slag off people, make money and maintain your popularity all at the same time. I think the best part would be the "you're such a fucking girl" line. If you haven't seen a picture of Ben Lee, try to imagine this skinny guy, with curly hair, young-ish face, and quite effiminate features. I read somewhere before that he's really a cross between Screech, from Saved By The Bell, and Dewey, the kid in Malcolm in the Middle.

And that's really the most astute description of him, no? Lol.