Oi, you racist!

Actually, it's more like 'national-ist'. Spank you very much.

Differentiating McDonald's customers by their nationality.

Australians - Cheeseburgers, Big Macs, Quarters.. they are a red meat loving lot.

The Australian vegetarian - will order a Big Mac with no meat. And fries. And an apple pie.

Singaporeans - are the only customers who request for no tartare sauce on their Fillet burgers. Usually of the female gender. Coincidentally, their physiques usually resemble a really really thin rail.

Malaysians - usually request for ketchup instead once they find out that a sweet and sour sauce packet costs 50 cents.

Indians - "What item on your menu has no meat?" For some reason, also dislikes ice in their cokes. Only 1% uses their Ps and Qs when ordering. Will usually ignore when I say "Thank you, come again." Dudes, it's comedy gold!

The Japanese - Almost always order a "Mc-Ozzie". Will then get flustered when I say, "a McOz (pronounced Aus.) in a meal or by itself?"

Americans - only ever have their coffee black. Double quarter pounders and triple cheeseburgers sell really well with this crowd.

The English and the Irish- Regardless of what they order, are usually rather curt. Unless drunk.

Ze French- love their cafe lattes.

The Italians - will sip their machiattos while having a boisterous chat that will attract the attention of other customers.

The Chinese - will almost always require a translator or a Mandarin speaking server. Regardless of explanation or gesturing will usually end up choosing either the fish or chicken burger. Will go on to glare and give me the evil eye when I answer to being Chinese but not speaking Mandarin.

But before I go, let me get my pent up typing need out of the way..

In my previous Internet-less state, I typed out my thoughts and opinions on last season's US television series. Partly because I've been meaning to give my two cents on the shows that I watch and also because the need to type was driving me insane. Except I'm just too lazy to edit it. So it'll be posted someday later.

In the meanwhile, to soothe myself, here's one of those tag things I generously helped myself to from my brother's blog.

1. What were you doing at 5:00 this morning?
Zzzzz-ing.

2. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
On the mobile with my brother.

3. Who was the last person who broke your heart?
No one. Maybe when I was 11 and Stephen Gately came out of the closet.

4. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"But if I have cereal for dinner then who's gonna eat the rice?"

5. How many different things did you drink today?
OMG. This cereal is awesome.

6. What was the last thing you bought?
For real. Forget the rice. I'm having another bowl of cereal.

7. Where do you live?
Hmmmm. Yummy cereal. What was the question?

8. How was your day yesterday?
Right. To recap, I drank water, Fanta and milk today. Bought moisturiser last. And am currently in an apartment in Melbourne. My yesterday was pretty alright, thanks for asking.

9. What is the last ice cream flavour you ate?

Vanilla.

10. Are you an optimistic one?
I'm the "On the bright side.." girl in my group of friends.

11. Do you think your okay?
It's YOU'RE. Not your. And dude, I'm the be all and end all of fucking awesome people there ever was and that will come. I do have unusually high self-esteem and confidence, how did you guess?

12. Do you talk a lot?
As a general rule, no.

13. Are you happy with the love of your life right now? Why?
I am the love of my life. Hence, yes.

14. Do you skip meals?
I forget to eat.

15. Do you consider yourself smart?
Smarter than some, dumber than most.

16. Do you cook your own food?
Not well.

17. Reason for living?
Just because.

18. Are you typically a jolly person?
I'm all about death and destruction, Wiccan rituals and sacrificial offerings. I'm usually happy when I'm doing those.

19. Name one enemy of yours?
My genes.

20. Name one close friend.
I nearly spilled my cereal on my bed! Jeez, that was close. That would have been disastrous for the evening I had planned - lots of bumming with very little movement.

21. Who's first person in your phonebook?
Aaron.

22. Song playing at the moment
None. I didn't turn on my iTunes.

23. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No.

24. Is there something you want to tell someone?
You mean apart from the other 23 answers I've just typed out to the 23 questions that were asked?

25. How many kids do you want to have?
I'm going to fail as a mom. I'll do the future generation a favour and have none.

26. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yes.

27. Do you wanna change your name?
I used to. As documented before, I think my parents failed when it came to giving me a name that could be immediately shortened to a nickname.

28. What time did you wake up today?
10-ish.

29. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Watching Carnivale.

30. Name something you CANNOT wait to do?
Well, Harry Potter book #7 is being released tomorrow..

31. Last time you saw your father
On the 11th of July

32. Have you ever donated money to a good cause?
To unworthy ones too!

33. Who's getting on your nerves right now?
Me. My skin keeps fucking around with me.

34. Most visited webpage?
My Gmail account.

35. Coke or Pepsi?
Coke.

36. Last person you added on MSN/YM.
What the hell is a YM? And what is this MSN that you speaketh of?

37. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past 2 weeks?
People will do anything at my expense.

38. Do you disagree with a lot of things going on in the world?
Yes.

39. Do you enjoy your friendship with your friends?
Immensely.

40. What is your status?
'Too awesome to function'.

41. Do you cry most of the time you have problems?
No. Apparently now I cry at stupid movies.

42. Did you have a fight with someone today?
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

43. Who cheers you up the most in your life?
It's not really a question of who but what. To which the answer would be anything. That being said, when I'm not yelling at my brother to stop being a wuss, we get along like two straw villages on fire on a windy day.

44. Do you like to chat?

No.

45. Do you like to laugh?
What the hell kind of question is this? Next you'll be asking me whether I like to breathe. Or whether I like hearing things. Dumbass.

46. Last text msg from?
It's just occurred to me that I have no explanation for why I seem to be conversing with the tag thing.

47. Last food?
Your mum.

48. What's your opinion about long distance relationship?
My opinion is of inconsequence.

49. Do you know someone engaged in a long distance relationship?
Yes.

50. Have you ever taken a relationship with someone you didn't love?
Heh. "taken a relationship". Like I just picked up a relationship with someone I didn't love at the nearby Macca's drive in?

51. Have you ever hurt someone whom you love so much?
Once upon a time.

52. Do you have something you must do right now?
Consider whether I want a third bowl of cereal.

And so I'm off again.

Apparently my Internet connection isn't quite as stable as thought. I'll have to relive those dark days of not knowing the weather, tabloid news, world news, no surfing Flickr, no reading blogs and no email. If I was religious, I'd pray for strength.

A month ago I was taking time off from work and slacking off cause I was under the delusion that I had enough money in the bank to subsidise said slacking off. Yesterday I paid rent for the month of July and August as well as the bond. So now I'm broke again. It was fun times when working was optional. And in the month I don't have enough money even for a haircut that is desperately needed, my phone bill is three times what I normally pay. I'm dreading the day the money is taken out of my bank.

It's strange how I'm looking forward to school.

I need the structure muchly.

There ain't no party like a douchebag parrrrtay!

Damn straight!

I'm up and around. Fulfilling plans, making schedules and forgetting to eat. Which would be great for weight loss if it didn't end with me shovelling food down my belly at 9.24 in the night.

I've taken to exercising my inner Narcissus and have developed pictures that I've taken that I liked and hung up on the wall for decoration in my new apartment. It's such a wanker thing to do, but guess who's got two thumbs and is a wanker on most occasions? Yeap. Right here, bud!

Knowing that my brother is in the country but in a different state puts me in two state of minds. The first where I'm happy that he's here but not here HERE, the second where I find myself wishing that I came home to his inane jokes and lameness everyday. The both of us are douchebag magic together.

That being said, it will probably never fail to scar me a little every time someone confuses my brother and I for a pair of lovebirds. I know I'm 20 but fuck me. I'll be 50 and that kind of shit will still be wigging be out. It's just wrong people!

I went to a party the other day and a girl walked in wearing the exact same dress I was wearing. Now THAT was a real 'Oh, fuck me.' moment if there ever was one.

It only took me 20 years but I think I have finally matured emotionally enough to at least start crying in movies. I'm not telling which movie I recently teared up in because it is just too damn embarrassing. Nothing beats the sobfest that my viewing of Pan's Labyrinth degenerated into though.

Question of the moment
Would you rather sit through a Lord of the Rings or a Harry Potter movie marathon where you watch all chapters of the movie back to back? Actually the better question is, would you rather sit through ALL the extra features on the three chapters of LotR or wince your way through the first and second HP movie- the one where the kids kid act their way through the movie (although to be fair, Jake Llyod in Star Wars #1 took the prize for 'Best' Kid Acting award in the new millenium)?

Today I got licked on my face by a friend. Cootiesssss, ew!

And that folks, is my way of updating a month's worth of events.

Procrastination

I never learn.

I had time to go watch Knocked Up.
Had time to sell stuff on eBay.
Had time to go to the Sneakers Exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria.
Had time to hang out.
Had time to work.
Had time to go watch Transformers.
Had time to google Megan Fox and wonder why she looks so plastic when she's only a year older than me. I mean, seriously. Lindsay Lohan looks trashed and aged but not plastic. What is the deal with Fox?
Had time to watch Big Brother.
Had time to plan for yum cha tomorrow morning.


And yet all my belongings in the world are still in their respective places and not bundled up in boxes and trash bags. I've had to turn down a friend's 21st party, granted it was 2 hours outside of Melbourne, and had to turn down the offer of being on a guest list. Admittedly I'm not exactly too busted up about missing out on the club. I love my friends but I don't love R'n'B. Hip hop and rap I can do. Put on Rihanna and Fiddy Cent and I'm gone. Anyway, I'm moving again. What's new in your world?

There's this girl at work who I'm so thankful for. She teaches me about the intricacies of The White Stripes and Tool and I tell her about Arctic Monkeys and The Shins. Thank goodness for someone who understands my dislike for R'n'B and trance music.

And now I'm writing about the time I've wasted and chicks with awesome music taste, ironically wasting time that should be spent on packing. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Sausagefest + some truths

In my 20 years of living, I've watched many films. Been to a couple of movie premieres even. But never in my life have I attended a movie on its premiere night and have to queue up to get into the cinema. Even though the seats were assigned. Basically 95% of the audience were 20+ year olds males who were reliving their childhood with the action bonanza that was Transformers and no doubt wetting themselves as said action extravaganza unfolded. How many ways can you say SAUSAGEFEST? I won't lie. I enjoyed myself. The script exceeded my expectations and the action.. dare I say Michael Bay outdid his previous fares? Not an easy feat since we're talking about Michael freakin' Bay, who practically created the art of synchronized destruction in films down to a T. Of course I spent half the time giggling with my other female friend at the boys reactions. A quarter way into the movie the film blanked out - a room full of angry, anxious fanboys? A total LOL-lapalooza. And near the end? My friend was on the edge of his seat. The concentration on his face was priceless. Especially when you think about the fact that we're watching FX robots fighting each other. Being exposed to such massive levels of testosterone will probably make hair start spouting from my chest. Awesome.

And OMG, Charm! Tom Lenk, Andrew from Buffy, is in it! He's got a teeny tiny role but I squealed when I saw him.

And on to some truths:

1. I'm not going to lie. If the Spice Girls do go through with their world tour, I'll probably show up to the concert with total enthusiasm and all the pep I can muster in my body. Say what you will but 1997 was all about the Girls in my world.

2. If Weezer do indeed go through making their 6th album, I'll buy the cd. Partly out of loyalty and because I can't fight the hope that 'Make Believe' was a one time shit-tastic deal. Everytime I've convinced myself their crap, I listen to The Blue Album and it's love all again.

3. I'm pretty excited about Harry Potter. More excited than I'm willing to let on honestly. I don't consider myself a fan of the series but I'm looking forward to film #5 because Daniel Radcliffe in no. 4 blew me away and I want to see if that was just a fluke. Also looking forward to book #7 because I just want to know how it ends so I can finally close the book on the series.

4. Series 3 of Doctor Who just started on the ABC today and Torchwood premiered 2 weeks ago. Between the two I'm getting my weekly requirement of sci-fi. And just so you know, in case anyone asks, yes, Russell T. Davies is a god.

5. Yeah, I'll wait in line for tickets to the Dead Like Me movie if it goes through. The series had so much potential but floundered it all without direction which makes me kinda mad. But whatever. I'm still there.

6. I get overtly preoccupied with Big Brother. We're talking 'discussing the show on online forums' levels of preoccupied. The show is horrible and whatever but hey, if you're going to watch reality shows, might as well watch the mack daddy of them all, right?

7. Reading about Chris Benoit of the WWE makes me a little sad. Having been obsessed with the show back when it was still called the WWF, it's sad to think that one of the guys I used to root for went mental and (apparently) did a murder-murder-suicide gig on his family. Actually wait. On another note, I'm still totally freaked out finding out about how XPac, my favourite wrestler ever, got it on with Chyna and made a sex tape out of it. Everytime I try to visualise the two being within 2 feet of each other my mind implodes. Too much grossness.

Snakes is in town!

And then, all was right with the world again.

My Favourite Bookmarks

I admit, I'm a regular 'bookmark' hoarder. I bookmark pages I like, pages I think are interesting, or pages that I want to read in the future on a regular basis. My bookmark list used to scroll right off the screen. After organizing it, it's hardly any cleaner, but there certainly are more categories now. Sheesh. Anyway, these are a few of my favourite bookmarks.


Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo

This video above is, dare I say it, the best video out there in the world wide web. Much like OK Go's 'Here We Go Again', this video combines creativity and choreography with the added bonus of the charm that can only come from an infectious group energy and spontaneity. Give it a watch and I promise you will never listen to that song again in the same light!

- 40 Greatest Internet Superstars as compiled by VH1.
Honestly, I have yet to watch Internet superstar number #1 in action. Anyone care to verify that it's greatness far outweighs Tila Tequila's infamy?

- After re-evaluating Episode 4-6 in light of Episode 3, are R2D2 and Chewbacca the true heroes behind the Star Wars saga?

If we accept all the Star Wars films as the same canon, then a lot that happens in the original films has to be reinterpreted in the light of the prequels. As we now know, the rebel Alliance was founded by Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Bail Organa. What can readily be deduced is that their first recruit, who soon became their top field agent, was R2-D2.

And with regards to dear ol' Chewie:

20 years earlier, Chewbacca was second in command of the defence of his planet. He's there in the tactical conferences and there on the front lines and is a personal friend of Yoda's. When he needed reliable people to join the embryonic Alliance, who else would Yoda turn to but his old friend from Kashykk? Given his background, there is no way that Chewie would spend the crucial years of the rebellion as the second-in-command to (sorry Han) a low-level smuggler. Unless it's his cover. In fact, Chewie is a top-line spy and flies what is in many ways the Rebellion's best ship.

Personally, I'm not fully convinced that R2D2 is all that the article makes it out to be. The article does make me rethink Chewie's importance in the saga.

- Marketing in terms of gaming consoles: A look at Marketing-Push (Sony and Microsoft) vs Evangelism-Pull (Nintendo and Apple).

Nintendo and Apple products are being effectively pushed by evangelists. Sure, slick advertising augments these more organic efforts, but make no mistake: in general, people that own Apple products love them and talk about them. Frequently. The same with Nintendo and the Wii. I just can't get people to shut up about these products. But I can't say the same for Microsoft and Sony, notwithstanding how cool or slick their graphics are or how many features and functions their consoles have.
- by Roger Ehrenberg @ Information Arbitrage

In terms of gaming consoles, I'm certainly more intrigued by the Nintendo Wii. I've played games on my friend's XBox, and whether it's because I'm not a hardcore gamer or otherwise, I found the many buttons to be very distracting. Of course, no need to go into the Apple fanatics. No other company can come close to catching up with the success Apple has have with the digital music revolution. With the iPhone releasing soon in the US, that group of the population is surely pissing themselves with excitement.

- 100 words every high school graduate should know.
I fail at life. There are at least 10 words I've never even heard of and a quarter that I don't know the meaning of. FAIL!

Today is...

...one of those days where I feel like I've achieved heaps and crossed many things off my list. But because most of these stuff were delayed due to the exams, after factoring in the new stuff my to-do list is back to square one.

Here is the very impressive list of things I did today:

- got Ad's 'farewell gift' although she has actually deserted me to gallivant around Europe.
- called up Nick to wish him a safe flight only to realise that he's already left.
- googled 'The World Clock' while on the train to Caulfield. Oh.
- became Ad's personal slave for the early part of the day.
- got my new jeans hemmed. One of two things that suck with being vertically-challenged.
- got my brother's graduation/birthday present.
- figured out what to get everyone, except male friends, for their birthday. Every damn year..
- made this necklace. I'm super psyched that it came out exactly like I imagined hence the selfwankerism.

- bought groceries.
- bought fasteners for black dress.
- opened my sewing kit to find out that it came with fasteners.
- altered black dress with fasteners successfully on first try!
- entertain thoughts of having actual sewing skills and getting a sewing machine so that I can hem my own jeans.
- remember that my foray with knitting ended as soon as it started.
- emails, emails, emails.

Strange this sense of accomplishment that strikes after finishing these inconsequential errands.

Oh boy. I either need to upgrade my Flickr account or stop posting pictures.

Tidbits

Here's something to chew on while you wait for the next Judd Apatow movie to roll into cinemas near you.

When employed correctly, improvisation can be a glorious thing, but I feel like it's increasingly used as a crutch for lazy filmmakers. Ideally, filmmakers start with a strong script and improve it through improvisation. But more often, it feels like the studio starts off with a really weak script that they figure an Owen Wilson or Will Ferrell can single-handedly save via improvisation. The result is an endless parade of half-assed, kinda-okay movies with a smattering of good ideas and funny scenes that would benefit greatly from a few more drafts and a lot more discipline.
- excerpt from Is Improvisation Ruining Film Comedy at The A.V. Club.

While I didn't think The 40 Year Old Virgin was all that it cracked up to be, I cannot get over Anchorman. I am super psyched for Knocked Up (5 July) and Superbad (20 Sept). Also am itching to get a copy of Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie.

ZoinksOMG!

I conquered my XML retardedness!

Reality and sleep

Today for the first time ever I woke up and didn't know what was real. I dream a lot during sleep, even have lots of those 'false awakening' dreams (where you think you've woken but are still asleep), but I've never woken up and felt completely disassociated from reality before. I checked the time, brushed my teeth and took a shower but when all that was done I still wasn't sure if I was awake. Now it's 8.36 at night and I'm still very jittery and thoroughly unnerved. Everything feels unreal. I hate the feeling.

All I hear in my head is Air's 'Playground Love'. I can't decide if my sensory abilities feels like it's cheating or being cheated. I've slapped myself a couple times now but then I've slapped myself in dreams before. This would make a good entry in my dream journal if I actually kept one.

Ruminations: Part III

- I was trawling through my archives and I thought it necessary to point out a particularly odd event that happened in May of '06. The oddity is that history has repeated itself and because I noted it down on the blog, I can marvel at the strange way the same thing happened again in the same month it happened before in the present day of May of '07. Which is really just the most long-winded way I could think of parleying the information that my fan heater has died. Again. Like it did before. Yes, that really is all.

- With a lot of the US TV series winding down now, I desperately want to type up a post comparing, contrasting and reviewing the shows I've been diligently following since last fall. When they premiered I wrote up a post about shows that I were looking forward to. I would very much like to revisit that and see if my predictions or assumptions were in any way true. Except that I don't have the time. So I'll probably do this in the week after next. Which annoys me because I'm afraid I'll lack the drive to do it later. I should probably just do it now and not waste the time on debating the merits of doing it now or later. But where's the uselessness in that? Which actually brings me to my next point.

- I've been toying with the idea of either converting this blog to a purely pop culture concentrated one or starting up a new one to vent my pop culture obsessions. After going through the archives I realize that since a significantly large portion of posts tend to be about movies/music/allthatrot, it's not exactly fair to subject friends who come here to live vicariously (cough) through my personal posts. I feel quite guilty force feeding people my fanwanks and rants about stuff they don't care about. Except right now I can't quite decide which route to take. Do I take out all the personal stuff out of Sporadic Word Vomit or transport all my pop culture posts to a new plate? Or continue to do my pop-cultural version of religious bible-thumping as per usual?

- I wish I could stop eating KFC. When I'm stripping the meat off the grotesquely small bird I keep imagining a mutated bird running around the KFC product farm without beaks, or a tail and three eyes. Or whatever abomination the conspiracy theorists are yelling from their soapbox. But damn that original recipe, 12 secret herb and spices crap. Like a fly to the electric-fly-killer-box, I'm drawn right back into the greasy stores of Kentucky Effin' Chicken whenever I pass by and catch a whiff of the steroid chickens. Damn it.

- I cannot wait for winter break to start. For starters there's the China exhibition at the Melbourne Museum I must go to before it's over (insane wildness). There's also the sneakers exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria that if I miss will lead to massive stomping of my Chucks-covered feet (the party train just does not stop). After that I need to go visit the Human Bodyworks exhibition when it hits Docklands. Seriously guys, I put Courtney Love to shame.

- And before I forget, Wicked is coming to town! As in Wicked, of the Wizard of The Oz Broadway production! Well, technically they're coming in '08, but I've got my party poppers out and ready to go. The theatre scene is really shaping up with The Phantom of the Opera opening in July, SPAMALOT (dies of glee) in December and Wicked in 2008. Between this and all the exhibitions I intend to go to, I've just got about my local coke dealer primed for business. Lindsay Lohan, your hard-parrrrtying ass is beat.

- My mobile is now web-accessible and that pleases and frightens me at the same time. Great because I can now check my email any time but scary because I have to contend with the 24/7 knowledge that I'm simply that big a loser and short of wildly imaginative offers about enlarging a dick I don't have, I get no good emails ever.

- Also interesting to note that my stance on the Equality-Now!-No-Ma-Pa-Day-Celebration-Till-Kids-Get-Their-Recognition-Day that I spouted last year in May turned out to be nothing but a novel idea. This year I went traditional and made my mum a card. A pop up card, thankyouverymuch. All I got in return was a text message saying "I will cherish it, my dear". Yes, cherish it in monetary sum, mum. Or care packages! That would be of the awesomeness, ma.

- I don't know why I continue to write all this quips to my mum. She knows about the blog but to my knowledge, doesn't visit it. I think since she's just only conquered Yahoo Mail the idea of keeping a journal in a public virtual space where denizens of the intrawebs have access to them is just a tad too new-fangled. At the rate she's experiencing technology and all it's offshoots, she'll only appreciate the brilliance of Sporadic Word Vomit in 2016. That is if her eyesight hasn't failed her completely yet. Oh mum, surely I kid. It's like planting seeds; only after a while will you reap what you sow. And trust me when I say this forward planning is totally worth in getting a rise out of my mother.

- In all actuality, rereading the archives and finding lame attempts at bagging my mum like such makes me laugh. I alternately marvel at my childishness and snicker at my (self-deluded) witticisms. It takes very little to amuse me but even I am aware just how pathetic that admission was. Okay, humiliation stopping now.

More stories from the foxhole!

I've been away from the fluorescent life-sucking glare of Maccas for 6 months now. My reprieve from the thankless chore that is customer service ended on Tuesday. I think the fact that I swung back like clockwork to the job says a lot about how mindless it is. Right down to the minute details like knowing where the Big Mac sauces are kept. I refuse to believe that this natural knowledge is due to my birthright at holding down a McJob for life. I cannot be a lifer. Regardless of what they say about Art students, no no no no no no no. At the very least can't I be a Big Issue vendor?

Panic aside, I decided to celebrate my first day back by breaking the most crucial rule in the employee handbook. I was a one-woman free upgrade-a-palooza. It was free sauces and free coffee upgrades all around. So I guess technically, I actually got a lot of thanks in my three hour shift. It would have been terribly ironic if I had gotten caught out and fired on my first day back in retrospect.

Here's a couple of things about 'the McDonald's experience' I forgot over time:

1. The amount of time spent on a shift always feels twice longer than it actually is.
2. Why do people insist on replying, "Oh, I'm sweet enough" when asked if they want sugar in their coffee? Is there a newsletter going around on how to be lame, unfunny and corny in one fell swoop?
3. By the way, strange how the amount of customers who give corny replies has increased exponentially in my absence.
4. How cute most of the backpackers are who go into the store. Thank goodness we're smack right in the middle of backpackers central.
5. How incredibly quirky some customers are. This bunch of skater kids came in all shifty-eyed and guilty looking. They ordered a coke and a cheeseburger. After they got their order, they hightailed it out of the store doing a quick ollie down our steps. Bless their little diehard skater mentality. Would have been better if they had fallen.
6. How high the crew turnover is. I don't know three quarters of the current crew there.
7. How bitchy the people who work there are. It's all 'who's sleeping with who', 'who sucks', 'who's secretly gay' gossip. I don't indulge but I can't help if my ear perks up occasionally! First day back and I already know who's doing who. Oh, the workplace drama!

So expect more stories of the freaks, the saints and the crazy in the future. As seen from both sides of the counter.

Conversations With Dead People.

There is this quote in Season 7 of Buffy in the episode 'Conversations With Dead People' which best states everything that I feel about high school. Or at least the high school experience that I remember looking back at it now that I'm four years out of it.

I really miss [high school]. Time goes by, and everything drops away. All the cruelty, all the pain, all that humiliation. It all washes away. I miss my friends. I miss my enemies. I miss the people I talked to every day. I miss the people who never knew I existed. I miss 'em all. I want to talk to them, you know. I want to find out how they're doing. I want to know what's going on in their lives.

-Jonathan

Okay, so I don't exactly identify with the cruelty, pain and humiliation that Jonathan (the ubernerd) experienced. But the rest of it, about missing everyone is really what I think about in the quiet moments when my mind is not preoccupied with the hustle and bustle of life and all its multiple tangents.

I miss all the random people and groups who made up the student body of SMKDU Class of 2003. I miss the Art class guys who, it's a safe bet, never knew I existed. I miss the 'hello and goodbye' people I said hello and goodbye to. I miss the people I knew in my class. I miss the people whom I didn't know in my class. I miss the people I had inside jokes with. I miss the Blue house members I'd muck around with on Sports Day. I miss the people I played tennis with. I miss the people I lost contact with, especially the ones who I had a real connection with. I miss the people I would go out of my way to avoid. Alright, maybe 'miss' is a stretch, but I'd like to know how they're doing. Did the two siblings who made up the weirdo factor in our class ever grow out of their awkwardness? Who is engaged? Married? Pregnant? A parent?

Who turned their lives around? Did the band who won Battle of the Bands every year ever go on to get a record deal? Are the stoners still stoning? Do the people who smoked in high school still smoke now? I'd just really like to seat everyone down and get them to tell their post-high school story. I want to hear about their lives when I ask, "How's it going?". I will be all ears.

But I was a no one in the grand scheme of high school hierarchy. I wasn't overtly athletic, popular or a teacher's pet. I wasn't part of the 'pretty people' or hard-working enough to excel academically. I hardly ever volunteered for anything and on the days when I wasn't cutting class, I was sleeping in class. I kept a low profile amongst the student body and within the clubs and organizations that I was involved with.

So I guess in reality, the idea of meeting and catching up with ex-school mates won't be quite so romantic on account of people going, "And you are?" Even if they remembered who I was there's no guarantee that I would have remembered them. And in real life people will answer "I've been good" regardless of actual state of goodness in their lives when questioned.

I don't know. Maybe it's because I didn't attend the school prom so I never really got proper closure. Friends told me it was overrated anyway but maybe had I attended the event and seen everyone together for the last time I wouldn't be thinking like this. Who knows? So I suppose I'll just hold on to that idea of a perfect meeting wherein I spend a perfect day just catching up with all those people I miss sans weirdness, defensiveness and any lull in the conversation.

Besides, Friendster-stalking requires less communication and nullifies all odds of awkwardness anyway.

Superhero gabbery

Spiderman 3
So if you've been following the comments in the previous post you would have gotten the general feel of my friends and my opinion regarding Spiderman 3. If you haven't, here's what you need to know:

As much as it pains me to admit this, Spiderman 3 spread itself too thin in a way bloated running time, delivering an 'okay' film where it had the makings of a masterpiece. It doesn't quite classify as an atrocity, but given the previous two instalments that successfully balanced the pressures of financial success and comic book-realm geekery, the third film surely left a bitter taste in what could have been an epic trilogy. If this is indeed the last film for the franchise (although I doubt it because IMDb has Spiderman 4 down for a 2009 release), it is surely a lousy way to bow out of the scene.

Where did it go wrong?
i. The introduction of additional villians at the cost of their character development.
According to the articles I've been reading, the producers, in so many words, forced Sam Raimi to implement the character of Venom. The excuse given was that "the fans wanted it". While I do think the idea of Eddie Brock/Venom makes a great foil to Peter Parker, he had to contend with Goblin Jr. and Sandman for screen time. Not forgetting the whole relationship aspect of Peter Parker and MJ Watson that the film went into great detail too. This meant that what we saw of Brock was really quite one-dimensional. Had he been taken out of the equation and perhaps introduced in film no. 4 or had his character been laid the groundwork in Spiderman 3 and expanded in no. 4, maybe the franchise would have done him justice.

ii. Gwen Stacy
As above, only applied to the romantic part of the movie.

iii. Excessiveness
There were a lot of scenes that could have been cut short - including the action scenes, the romantic scenes and the comedy scenes. They might have been intended to add to the momentum of the story but in the long run it added to the excessively long running time. Not even halfway into the movie, I started checking the time. And that NEVER happens. If this is the standard for the summer movies to come, the kids of America are going to go back to school in the Fall pasty and overweight.

iv. Pacing and tone of the film
Part of the problem was the pacing of the film. While before it blended comedy and action seamlessly, in Spiderman 3 the erratic tone of the movie that swung from bizarre to hilarious in nanoseconds had me quite unsettled. Were we supposed to take Peter Parker seriously after he did what he did down the street? I want to attribute this problem to the script, but I suspect editing had a play in it as well.

v. Deux ex machina
For the most part I find the use of deux ex machina to be the most lazy way of ending a story or a plot point. It's heavy handed, unsubtle and frankly, insulting to the movie-going public who has coughed up fifteen bucks to watch a film. I'm trying to keep this review spoiler-free so I won't mention anything further except for this, you'll know it when you've seen it. Then you'll want to throw rocks at Sam Raimi, his brother and the other dude who are the writers of the film.

vi. My dad
My dad's quip ruined many scenes for me. I think a couple other people probably felt the same way as my dad because people started laughing inappropriately in certain scenes. Tsk. I knew I shouldn't have asked him what he thought of it.

That being said, there are of course good points to the film. The action scenes were jaw-droppingly fantastic and the comedy scenes (or at least the scenes I find comedic) definitely brought out the chuckles as well. For the most part, the cast did what they could do with the material and delivered. J.K. Simmons, who plays Jonah Jameson, is a stand out, brilliant as per usual. Is the film worth watching? Well, given the subject material (comic book adaptation) I don't see how it's worse than other fare. But if you want to keep only good memories of the film franchise? Mull on it for a little while.

Fantastic Four: The Unnecessary Sequel
The four main cast members of the movie came down to Melbourne for the movie premiere. Having nothing to do on a Friday night, Ad and I decided to go for it. Also, we had never been to the Southland shopping mall where the premiere was held and figured we'd kill two birds with one stone in that trip. Bear in mind that neither of us are particularly huge fans of the film or the cast. We were hoping that Doug Jones, who is one of the most prolific 'movement actors' (he plays the Silver Surfer in FanFourTwo, was Hellboy in Hellboy, the faun in Pan's Labyrinth) in the industry, would show up for a surprise visit but he didn't. Nonetheless, we stuck around for funsies.


Someone's got to do the dirty job.

Ad and I set up camp at around 5 right up front at the barricades. We thought we were bring slightly freaky but the crowd had already started to swell by the time we got there. We were also slightly mortified to discover that the average age of the crowd was 15. Luckily opposite us and by our right were adults. They were slated to arrive at 6.30 pm. After much fake cries and false alarms, they showed up at 6.45 pm. The crowd that was largely there for Jessica Alba went ape-shit crazy.


First out: Michael Chiklis.

Ad and I decided that since everyone was cheering for Alba, we would cheer for Michael Chiklis. It's a process of elimination really. Alba = too many fanboys/girls, Chris Evans = ditto, Ioan Gruffudd = we didn't know how to pronounce his name.


School girl on my right: "Oh my god!!! I'm going to cry!!!!!!!!"

I didn't really understand her logic but it certainly made me laugh at a time when my ribs were pressed up to the barricades and I was being pushed from everywhere by autograph hounds. Jessica Alba is really quite pretty. And she asked the crowd to give space to a little kid who was being crushed by the crowd.


He is really as pretty as Jessica Alba.

Ad and I agreed that he wasn't as tall as we expected. I guess it's no secret that IMDb lies about height. Which makes me wonder.. Just how tall exactly is Seth Green?


Gratuitous shot of celebrity and me.

He is so nice! He and Michael Chiklis were the only ones who really obliged to the crowd request. He was the last one in and although his minders were telling him to get a move on, he still said okay when I requested a picture with him. He was the only one Ad and I requested a picture with and he obliged on both accounts. What a legend. This makes me wish I was a fan.


Spoils of the night.

I can't say I was terribly star struck. I think I was left truly gap-mouthed when I met Danny Boyle earlier this year at the early premiere of Sunshine. I was actually embarrassingly enough tongue-tied!

Question: Would I be terribly awful if for all my male friend's 21st this year I blow up all the pictures I took of Jessica Alba and give it to them as a present?

My dad is awesome

When asked about how Spiderman 3 was, this is what my dad had to say:

"I don't know why he cried so much. Should have been called 'The Crying Spiderman'."

Sigh.

Today I...

...got a text message from my mum that said verbatim, "Jon, dad n I will be going 4 spiderman 3 show 2night." I already knew from my brother's blog that he was going for the early premiere. He failed to mention that my parents would be going along too.

I have a feeling I'm being incredibly petty, but the fact that my parents are watching Spiderman 3, probably the most bomb-diggity sequel (triquel?) of the year, is bugging me heaps. It doesn't help that Channel 10 runs the damn trailer every damn ad break during Big Brother. Yeah, so I'm obviously jealous but what bugs me the most is how my dad will not appreciate the immense event that is Spidey 3. Fanboys/girls, comic book geeks and nerds alike know what I'm talking about. My dad is the same dude who only goes to the cinemas to watch Jackie Chan movies and Bond movies. I mean, he watched Lord of the Rings: Part 3 without watching the first two and made me sit next to him to explain everything that was going on! His thoughts after the movie? "Why are those two hobbits (Sam and Frodo) like the homosexuals, Karen?" Sheesh.

Anyway I'm going to avoid my brother's blog until I watch the movie because although I tell him not to post any spoilers I just know that that little shit will with much glee to boot. Fuck, I probably would. Technically everyone knows how it's going to end - Spidey will emerge victorious, Mary Jane will live regardless of mortal peril, and the bad guys will get taken down. But I'll be damned if I find out HOW he gets there. So, dong ma Jonny? I'll visit your blog again after May 3rd, you sneaky little kid.

---

... also found this site online that creates a word cloud of common words that appear on your blog. Insert your blog URL and let the little robots work their magic! Below is my word cloud.
Very amusing how the numbers one, two and three appear so often but four doesn't even rate a mention. I don't even remember using them much. I am pretty amazed that 'awesome' came up so little seeing as to how I abuse it so much in my vernacular. Go get one of your own and see what words you've been abusing!

add-on: Oh! I get it! One, two, three. Season one/two/three! Shows I watch hardly ever reach season four. I am the best damn blogger (three other majorly used words) ever!

My Kind of Romantic Films

In my deluded attempt at 'working out' yesterday I now have burning biceps. Biceps.. what a word. I have a sneaky suspicion that any muscle I ever had in my body has de-evolved into fat due to my long inactivity, even if that goes against any existing scientific theory. It started with an (abysmal) run and degenerated into me playing at the horizontal bars. I'm quite proud that I can still do the same tricks I learned in primary school. Not like that's going to earn me any points in any fitness books but still -pats self on head-, it's good to know.

I watched Paris Je'Taime yesterday. I had a lot of fun trying to match the segments with the directors. Out of eighteen, I got one right. Christopher Doyle's was pretty much a given though. And I was so sure Wes Craven had directed the story involving Elijah Wood too! If you watched the movie you might be apt to think so too. Anyway, the movie really made me think about the best romantic movies I've seen. Yep, you guessed it. Here's yet another movie list by me! With commentary, as per usual.

My Most Favourite Romantic Movies As Of 2007

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Joel (narration as Clementine acknowledges him by raising her coffee mug): Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

I got so spooked out when I first heard that line and briefly wondered if Charlie Kaufman was looking into my life cause it needs to be said that that one line is in essence, my love life. Replace the woman with a man and that is just me all over. Sucks to be me. Personally I think Jim Carrey is one of the most versatile working actors in the industry. I always tell the disagreeing majority to watch this film. What usually follows is, "What the hell is a eternal sunshine of the what what?" Tsk. Lousy inbreds.

2. Casablanca
Rick: Here's looking at you, kid.

Actually that's not my favourite line in what is probably the most quotable movie in the world. But it carries the most emotional weight. This movie is probably one of the best romantic movies because both males who are vying for the attentions of Ingrid Bergman's character are real great guys. Unlike say, Reality Bites, where Ethan Hawke is a schlub next to Ben Stiller's nice guy and then Winona Ryder ends up choosing the douche anyway. Christ, I hate that overrated wallowing-in-faux-90s-pretentiousness movie. So as I was saying, you find yourself rooting for both of them alternatively because both of them need Ilsa in completely different ways. And both of them have their redeeming qualities so in the end when she goes off with ____ the grace with which the other guy handles the situation just adds the needed gravity and beauty to the love triangle.

3. Amelie
This movie is quite literally the celluloid encapsulation of the phrase joie de vivre. It isn't just about finding romantic or platonic love, it's about being in love with life and all its minute pleasures. How to fault it on any level?

4. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

Mr. Darcy: Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you... I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.

Best wedding proposal ever. That's how real men propose -thumps chest-. Heh. For real though, the final scene between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth in the marsh in the early light of dawn is an absolute killer. And Darcy's second proposal is much improved of course.

5. The Village
I think I know why it did so badly in the movies. M. Night Shyamalan because of his past fare has built himself a certain reputation and unfortunately at the same time painted himself into a corner. Because of The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, everyone expects a twist to happen and when it does and doesn't deliver they hate it on the film and go onto IMDb and rant. The Village suffered because the trailers painted it as a horror film. Everyone watched it expecting one. When it turned out to be about a character study in love and grief, they went ape shit.

I never saw The Village as a horror film. I went into the movie expecting a twist, sure, I mean I read the internet forums, but once the film started I was sucked into the love story between Joaquin Phoenix and Bryce Dallas Howard. To me the film was all about their relationship. Because I am quite a tactile person by nature, the incredible cinematography (it helps that the lead character is blind) with scenes like this:


had me enraptured.

6. Lost in Translation
Key scene: the karaoke scene with Scarlett Johansson singing 'Brass in Pocket'. In one fell swoop a million men lost their hearts when ScarJo sang the 'I'm special' line in the song.

Later when the credits are rolling and you're mulling about all the missed connections in your love life you'll understand why this movie is so damn good. The endless possibilities and 'what ifs' presented throughout the film, especially the final scene between ScarJo and Bill Murray will haunt you in your loneliest hour and you'll wish you had a Charlotte to your Bob.

7. City of Glass
The story of soulmates and undying love. It's a bit like The Notebook without the excessive schmaltz and dementia tangent. Off topic but this was the very first movie I saw Daniel Wu in. Even with the horrible Cantonese and floppy hair, it was celluloid love at first sight.

8. Peter Pan (2004)
I am endlessly fascinated by the concept of first love. Parents scoff and demean the idea by labelling it 'puppy love' but I am a strong believer that love can exist within children. It's the most pure kind of love for it is untainted by the baggage that comes with adult romances. Which is why I rank this film in my top 10 romantic films. The film might not have mean to come off that way and I might actually just be projecting my own issues, but the subtext between Wendy and Peter I found to be very bitter sweet.

9. Brokeback Mountain
Fave scene:


I am so tired of explaining to my mum how this is so much more than 'that gay movie' so I don't want to go into it again. Suffice to say that I always end up sniffing back tears at the end of the movie every damn time. For the last time, it's about love between two individuals who happen to be men not homosexual love, mum!

10. Moulin Rouge + Romeo and Juliet (both directed by Baz Luhrman)
I put them both together because they're quite similar for fairly obvious reasons. On a sidenote, how awesome is John Leguizamo in both of them? I actually didn't realize he was the midget in Moulin Rouge till much later on in the movie. I'm too lazy to find a screencap of my favourite scene of R+J, which is when Romeo first meets Juliet at the fish tank. The obvious but playful attraction that happen between the two are crucial in sealing the chemistry for the rest of the movie. Apart from this movie, Claire Danes will prove that her decision to leave My So-Called Life for a movie career was an unwise one due to her incredible sucktitude.

11. A Very Long Engagement
While I found the movie to be overly convulated at some parts and brain numbingly slow in others, when laid down to its bare essential- the relationship between Mathilde and Manech, it is very successful in creating a love story of hope and endless faith. It also helps that the two leads Miss Amelie Poutain herself, Audrey Tautou and Gaspard Ulliel, are incredibly pretty. In fact, lately the pretty stakes have been on the side of Ulliel. Google Image him, the boy is hot. A Very Long Engagement is another film that leaves me sniffing back tears at the end of it. You'd have to have a heart of ice not to.

12. The Princess Bride
Let's take a moment to remember the incredible hotness of Cary Elwes before the harsh years of thirtysomething life hit him. [beat] Right then. I think the great thing about the film is its fairy tale-like quality. Not unlike Peter Pan that has quite fantastical elements, it never gets bogged down by the larger than life premise or characters.

That just about ends the list. Can you believe not one Sandra Bullock or Hugh Grant film made the list? Crikey. I barely can. How will that validate their career that is afterall made up of romantic comedy schlock?

For good measure (and cause I'm on a roll), here are some scenes that I like in films that I didn't like enough to make the cut.

- the "Can I keep you?" scene in Casper. It's just absolutely gold considering it's a CGI ghost talking.

- the Keira Knightley segment in Love Actually. As a whole the movie doesn't do it for me with it's unrelenting schmaltziness but the unrequited love segment with Keira Knightley and dude-with-the-placards is quite sweet in it's inevitable hopelessness.

- alright here's one for Miss Bullock. I thought her character in While You Were Sleeping was adorable. I haven't watched the film in a long time after my mum confessed to thinking Bill Pullman was hot (ruined Independence Day for me too). I've never been able to look at him in a proper light after that life scarring confession. Thanks, mum.

I end with this quote by Ryan Gosling in an interview he did with OK! Magazine recently.

Interviewer: Many guys say they cry when they watch The Notebook.

Ryan Gosling: [Smiles] Sissies. What's the matter with them?

Heh.

And one more for the LOL road.


Got to give mad props to this guy for trying.

Words from my notebook

I was going through Notebook #2 the other day making sure I had fulfilled everything on my to-do list when I came across this list I made at the beginning of the year, just before my birthday.

Three Birthday Gifts That I Want But Will Likely Never Come To Be In My Possession Anytime Soon

1. The iRobot Roomba vacuum cleaner



2. A Segway
3. The R2D2 Projector


Oh well. Maybe next year.

It has also just recently come to my attention that I am no longer a teenager. Hence the delayed "Oh. So for the next 10 years whenever I write my age down it will begin with a 2?" reaction. Expect the dreaded 'final year freak-out' to happen only after I graduate.