Dial-up users beware.

Like there's anyone left. I know. I have become one of those snobby broadband owner who thinks they're the end all of Internet speeds. Man, it feels gooooooooooood!

As mentioned on my tagboard, I will be posting some pictures as relief for the weary eyes. I really need to work out the text/picture balance.

Here's a few I like.

















Movie poster for Brick. The movie poster ties in really well with the movie.


I will stop talking about it once the awe wears off, I promise (while totally keeping my fingers crossed).


















He grew up well. Anyone who watched 3rd Rock from the Sun and is female will agree to that. Must control fangirl tendencies. Squee.

He is too cute. He looks scarily like Heath Ledger though. Of course brunettes come out tops when push comes to shove, as they should and always will. Unless brunette in question is Orlando Bloom. I will have to reconsider my stance should he come into the firing line.


















"I think Keanu Reeves said it best when he said.. Whoa"


Seventeen years, three installations of Matrix and a much parodied kung-fu move later, Keanu Reeves remain the idol of wannabe-dopeheads of our generation. No? Wyld Stallyns, baby! Anyone else would be criminal, of course. Sean Penn in Fast Times ain't got nothing on the man. On a side note, what the hell ever happened to Alex Winters, the Bill to Keanu's Ted?















"Oh, we fear Keane alright. Look at us shake in our wee little booties."

Like I stated before, I think the video for 'Talk' is just simply too cool. It's pretty hokey and not completely relevant to the song, unless them being robot food is supposed to signify the importance of communication especially in the vacuum of space? Who cares. It's got a robot. It's got Coldplay. I'm sold.













Screencap for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I know that the background is the product of skilled FX technicians, but it's just darn pretty. Maybe this is what a Siberia-like planet somewhere out there in the galaxy looks like when one of their many suns set. Yes Karen, and manic-depressive robots really exist too.

And just so that you don't scream bloody murder, this is me.
















Well, mostly.

So it wasn't much of a cam-whoring session. But then I don't really do camwhore. It's moviewhore-dom for me all the way, and you know it. Also, my uniform is currently wet. Maybe next time, eh YM?

*none of the pictures here belong to me. All credit given to random sites off the internet and the Chairman.

'Thick as what all.

I think I surprised even myself when I decided to get dressed and catch the 9.40 screening of Brick. The clincher was the fact that I had ran out of toilet paper. And since the supermarket and the cinema is in the same building, I decided to make it a two-for-one run.

Holy ba-jesus. It was everything I thought the movie would be, with the added bonus of really tight editing and effective visuals. For those of you to lazy to download or even click the IMDb link below, here's my attempt at a brief summary and review.

The movie follows Brendan (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a scruffy-looking, bespectacled, highschool loner through, what can only be described as the most hell-ish week of his life. It starts with a phone call from his ex-girlfriend, Emily, who he has severed all contact with after their break-up three months ago. Played by Emilie de Ravin of Lost fame, she is hysterical and non-sensical on the phone, spouting code words that escape the vocabulary of Brendan. After two days of trying to track her down, he finds her dead under a tunnel with no explicit reasons. Unsettled by her sudden demise, Brendan sets out on a no-holds-barred quest to find the a reason, any reason, behind Emily's death. Relying on his accomplice, The Brain, he spins a web of half-truths, false-bluffs and witty quips to discover the truth, but finds that all is not clear in these murky waters.

Made with a budget of US$500,000, first time writer/director Rian Johnson, certainly put every single cent into good use as established in the tight frames and the even tighter editing. The cinematography plays up the suburban-esque qualities of Southern California with a twist: where the sun don't shine, the gritty surrealism lies. Brick is created within the neo-noir genre and the gutsy scenes and Shakespearan-like quality to the script is a true testament to that. Of coruse, having said that, I should probably add that the only noir-related anything I have to base this on is Veronica Mars and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Does Dick Tracy and Roger Rabbit count?

I cannot rave enough about this movie. I have waited a while for it to screen on cinemas in Australia, and it has delivered on all fronts matching my extremely high expectations for it. The casting is perfect. Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the only 'big name' in the film proves that he is one of the few mid-twenties actors of today who is willing to look past 'ball&tits-type-PG13 Hollywood movies' that plague too many screens across the world and pursue meatier roles. To be fair, maybe he lacks the all-American jock look. Or maybe he just exercises a little wisdom in choosing roles. The others in the film are relatively unheard of, but they deliver solid nuanced performances that add to the overall viewing pleasure of the film.

Top marks. I'm going to watch it again next Monday for the cheaper ticket prices as the dialogue was a bit thick to swallow in some parts. Anyone who dislikes watching movies alone is more than welcomed to come.

After watching the show, I had twenty minutes to do my grocery shopping. I came out with snacks and serviettes (cause they're cheaper than actual tissue paper. I'm a cheapskate. Go figure) and naturally, I forgot the toilet paper. Serviettes may be effective for not breaking when blowing my nose but they're surely damn rough on the ass. (Fourth time? I AM GOD.)

Yet another.

Things I have done in the past week:

-Watched the complete second season of Arrested Development. So. Worth. Every. Painful. Cackle.

-Watched a shitload of South Park. I made my sister watch the 'Scott Tenorman Must Die' episode and she says I speak like Cartman. That means I either sound like a fat, manipulative eight year old or the bastard child of a hermaphrodite. Pardon the lack of ecstasy on my part, Gill.

-Accidentally stumble upon a porno that was deceptively labled 'Cartman's Club'. Oh god, my virgin eyes. I can't help but feel that I wouldn't be so scarred if I knew ahead that the video was a porno. It's like horror movies, they don't bother me much cause I've already psyched myself out and I know that the Big Bad is coming. Had I known that the big penis was going to be penetrating two women in different orifices, I probably would be like, "Oh. That's what you call big? Puh-lease boy." And now I have managed to scar you, the reader. It's like The Ring. Pass it on.

-Had chicken soup and a mixed veg dish from Adeline Lee. I love that the SkinnyMonkey is here. Karen thanks you!

-Watched The Weather Man, Elizabethtown, and Lord of War. I shall gripe about these later so that I can have the satisfaction of ranting about it without making y'all skim through it. I'm nice that way.

-If you can't tell already, my last week has largely been confined to my bed, hence the past two days has been spent on regaining the ability to use my two feet again. It's been tough going, but folks, I think I'm going to be alright.


Things I need to do now:

-Catch up on a shitload of reading for my classes. The downside of taking a break is the work you got to pick up when you get back to the rat race.

-Buy more toilet paper. Re: below.

-Buy more tissue paper. I'm at the flu part of my cold, where I gain the use of my voicebox again but have constant mucus clogging up the airways. I wish I knew how to spit. I have a feeling if I spat out the phlegm instead, there would be less mucus regurgigating in my system and thus less to blow out. And now I have scarred you twice. Booya! Y'all know I'm back.

-Stop drowning my rice in light soy sauce. Being at the stage where I'm all clogged up, my tastebuds have gone all screwy as well. My kidneys will probably pay for this someday.

A big THANK YOU! to everyone who wished me well, be it through the tagboard, email or SMS. Let me know if you'd like a keepsake of this event. I'll send over a used tissue. Don't worry, I've got more than enough to go around so no petty squabbling kids. (Third time anyone? Who's your daddy!)

In other news, Brick has finally opened here. To see what IMDb has to say about it, click here. Hmmm. There's one at 9.40pm later tonight. Oh, the temptation. And then there's Confetti. I guess the question is, how lazy am I really? Oh, if only the answer isn't immediately transparent.

Right. Onward to the reviews. These three movies have been relatively high on my 'Must Watch List' since I missed out on them at the cinemas. Neither one of the three have similar themes, and each had completely different directors with differing visual flair, although coincidentally enough all three had narrations throughout the film. But what I really want to rant about is Elizabethtown. I was hoping it would be one of those movies where the critics ravage but I like. But oh, Cameron Crowe.. how you have failed me.

Karen's List of Things That Went Wrong in Elizabethtown:
1. The minute the movie started you had the protagonist's voice over. While I'm usually pretty wary of films that kick off this way (could they not think of a better opening scene?), I don't mind if it is short, snappy and if it serves to reel in the audience's attention as opposed to a long drawn out back story to serve the plot. Compare this:

Lord of War's opening lines: "There are 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11? [snappy, and simply too cool]

and this:

Elizabethtown's opening lines: "Yadda yadda yadda. Spasmodica." [I swear, even if I paid myself to remember it, I couldn't.]

Point being is that opening voice overs, if required at all in the film, needs to be at least sort of memorable or attention-grabbing. Etown did not have that. You had Bloomboy walking around muttering "I'm fine" to anyone who caught his eye while serving his inner voice over the speakers. I reckon the "I'm fine"s was enough for an opening scene. We get that things are NOT fine without the constant v/o.

2. The voice overs that ran through out the movie was acceptable. What was not acceptable was Bloomboy's need to enunciate every. single. gorram. word. What should be a nice accompaniment to the plot became a grating experience that made me put my player on fast forward. Thank goodness I was watching the DVD.

3. Bloomboy's hokey American accent I could take. Props to anyone of a different nationality trying to do a different accent for a movie that ran for over 2 hours. For anyone griping over his accent, listen harder to Kirsten Dunst's midwest/southern accent. It was playing peek-a-boo with the audience throughout the movie. There in one scene, gone in the next two.

4. I understand that Cameron Crowe has a particular affinity towards inserting quality music into his films. Thanks to him, a bus ride is almost incomplete without a mass karaoke session of Elton John's 'Tiny Dancer' today. But Etown was like a two hour music video. You could have cut out half the music and that'd still be too many songs in a movie.

5. The neverending sequences where the characters do something charming and the music swells. Just too damn many. The longest phone call ever made in the history of cinema, almost surpassing Cellular (and mobiles were actually crucial in that film). Cheesy family sequences were a dime a dozen.

6. The romantic chemistry in the movie was actually believable and almost likable. Unfortunately for every two seconds that Bloomboy and Kirsten Dunst were on the screen together, there were eight minutes of other 'quirky' family member-typre characters. Bad Cameron Crowe, bad! Which leads me to my next point.

7. So far as I understood, this show was supposed to be one of those 'the journey of a man who on the verge of the biggest crisis of his life, gains a new perspective and finds a new girl to boot'. A personal roadtrip movie, if you will. Garden State with less charismatic leads. What I found confusing in this movie then, is the fact that the only thing he gets from all that is the girl. Any new perspective that he might have gained was from his interactions with KDunst. Hell, the whole thing with the family was absolved by someone else. So why not cut out three quarters of the family crap and stick in more romantic moments? Pa-sheesh. Misdirection on CCrowe's part or just complete confusion on mine?

8. Has Bloomboy ever heard of emoting? I don't think so cause his eyes had only one expression througout the entire film. Boy, your brows may furrow till the Kingdom come, but you're not fooling anyone. Them eyes absolutely need to transmit some kind of emotion, especially if you want to stay in this line of work.

I guess I really should have taken Michelle's advice. You know something is really bad when a fan of Bloomboy can't even stomach the show. Till next time Cameron Crowe. I'll keep watching Almost Famous and think of better days to come.

I is sick, emm kay?

I is sick. I is having cold. I is having no voice + cough + runny nose. I is hoping that I would have something very lethal, almost biohazard-like, but the doctor is scoffs at me and say I is having common cold. It damn. I is say nothing worse than having ill and having run-of-the-mill the sniffles.

Doctor say inability to no type right is not correlated with cold. He say I will always silly regardless of health. I say, "You is probably right. Can I have my MC now?" He say, "Yes. Also avoid eating foods that contain dairy as it will not help with your phlegm." I is think, "Ohhh."

Dinner I had with my sister for birthday it was hers on 06 Aug. I tell her, "croak croak cough wheeze snort croak." Translation: "Don't call me unless it's important for it hurts to talk." Stupid idiot calls me later in the day, not once nor twice but five times. When I is don't pick up, she is texting message, "Call me when you get this mess. I am very worried." I is thinking, "#$@&#!!!11!!!!!" When she is calling again, I say, "croak cough cough wheezing croak effing idiot?!" Meaning of course, "Did you not understand what I told you, you effing idiot?! Sister is older, yes, but still stupid as ever.

I is quite grumpy, in case you no notice. I want watch Arrested Development, but laughter equals pain. Ditto South Park and Monty Python. So how is I supposed to feel better? I watched The Weather Man, and that only made me depressed. I is thinking I might as well watch Closer and Requiem for A Dream to complete cycle of depression. But I no have the DVDs with me now. Sigh. Somedays you cannot just win.

I is came across preview for Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Throat hurt very much now. I is might as well go watch South Park episodes now.

I mangle English language enough for today. 'Til next time.

"But memmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."

1. While at the ATM machine, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the balance in my account was remarkably larger than what it was two days ago. Neat-o! When I came home from uni that day I had mail from the people at the Australian Tax Office. Turns out my tax returns have been, well, returned. Combine that with my weekly paycheck, it makes for a really lovely sum. Most excellent!

2. I started training crew this week. For three hours for three consecutive nights, I teach them the fundamental things for front counter; serving, dealing with customers, communication with the back crew, dining etc. Ex-trainers and managers tell me I have to pull out my inner bitch and make sure I drive them hard to ensure they get it all. The first night, I'm friendly. The second, I'm professional and by the third night, I'm a slave driver. It's shockingly draining to explain every. single. damn. thing. to a trainee. The simple things I'm a regular pro at now, I have to break down to minute details and force feed them the information, with the hopes they get at least 75% of it all. It's no wonder I'm absolutely burnt tonight.

3. Should the trainees mess up in the future, the heat is on me. Stupid new responsibilities.

4. The Arctic Monkeys gig was tonight. I had two offers for tickets but I had to turn them down because of the damn training. I want to be pissed, but I'm really just too tired to raise a ruckus about it. I know I'll be feeling the pain in days to come. Just as a safety net, I'm going to avoid reading the newspaper tomorrow. The reviews are probably going to be raving about them.

5. One of the managers that I like is leaving. She was strict, yes, but very very competent. Hell, she probably created a whole new meaning to the word 'slave driver'. Aggresiveness be damned though, she was a superb manager. The crew that worked past their initial intimidation of her will miss her no-bullshit, work-hard-before-you-play-harder perspective.

6. My sister texts me with a message that ends with "DON'T BOTHER CALLING ME CAUSE I'M TOO ANGRY TO TALK TO YOU!!". I reply, "wtv. l8rs." If you know me, you'll know that my text messages are never filled with abbreviations of any kind. I like my 'you's with the y and o, and my 'are's with the vowels in them. What can I say? A ridiculous statement breeds an equally ridiculous reply. I swear, the new folks that she hangs out with have such high-school mentality. I warned her about it, but oh hell.. guess it's rubbing off in the end.

7. I am going to take a hot shower and watch South Park till my eyeballs bleed or I fall asleep. Whichever happens first, I'm game.

Oh goddammit gorrammit. I just realize that it's 12.18am. So much for calling Ad at the stroke of midnight.

Happy 20th Spags. I'll dedicate a post to you later when I'm not feeling like the mildew that collects on wet shower curtains. Like your present, it will most probably be late. Sorry, mate.

Word Vomit Episode 2: The Return of the Verbal Shits.

And thus, continues the word vomit that spews from the unstoppable one, formerly known as Karen/Kaz/Kay, and currently answering to no other name but God. How the sudden upgrade in status? Well.. let me take you back to the early morning of Tuesday morning, 25/07/06 where among other things, I came to be.. God (much to Mich's annoyance, I probably should add).

'Twas one early weekday morning when I logged onto MSN and found, besides that fact that my Junk Mail had 22 new additions to it, SCB #3 Christine Chia. Her first words: omg x3. I was first overwhelmed by her previously unknown reverence for moi but I took it all in stride, affirmed my superior position to her and replied: "How's it going, lowly peon?"

1. And that is how I came to be God.

I did not understand her plebian phrases like, "syiok sendiri", and the sudden realization that my gargantuan and superior levels of knowledge would always be my burden to bear sure was the end of all re-affirming moments in my life. I am blessed.. and cursed. Ron Howard says: "It was sad". We shall not dwell on the perils of being God so the story simply must go on.

Michelle was then added to the conversation and although she was only occasionally present in the conversation, I, as the understanding God that I am, recognized the fact that she had other -ahem- sordid affairs to attend to. But that is not the reason why a fresh paragraph was started. The point is how Mich came to be known as Shrimp/Lamb depending whose perspective you're looking at. Christine attempted to spread the Lamb nickname but as I am God, I have decreed that Mich shall be Shrimp. How did this name-calling began? Chrissy attempted to play god and hand out names to people. But her efforts, though charming, were merely an exercise in futility for I of course had the last say.

2. And that is how Michelle came to be Shrimp.

Now while Chrissy's emoticon collection was determined to be much larger than mine, Yoong Mei came into the action. She was sleepy and tired and nursing her ill health (God bless, child) but she shouldered through the night to discuss what nick she would like. While Cow and Ayam Betina was deemed unacceptable on too many levels, she finally agreed to Young Mare.

3. And that is how YM came to be Young Mare.

At this point, Christine had adamantly rejected her C3 nickname, cheesycrazychrissy, for the umpteenth time so we collectively agreed that it was not to be, on the grounds that cheese is merely an animal by-product and God, aka I, forbids that her self-esteem plummets further down from where it already stands (lowly peon-type level). Rather coincidentally, Christine asked this question: "are there adult lambs?" Full credit has to be given to the Young Mare for correctly stating the obvious; adult lambs = sheep. Thanks to the Mensa-like comment from Christine herself, it came to pass that she shall be henceforth known as Adult Lamb, or more correctly, Sheep.

4. And that is how Chrissy came to be known as Sheep. Or Sheep in the Big City (cause she's in KL) if you want to be get into the technical stuff.

Spags, if you're wondering what your animal kingdom nickname is, well, you are and will always be Skinny Monkey to us. No contest.

/end.

Ten points if you read the whole glorified MSN conversation.

Twenty points if you did not skim over a single self-glorifying remark.

In other non-hyperbole-ing-MSN-conversations issues, I, for the first time in my nineteen years lodged my first tax returns. Ron Howard goes: "It was scary". Right off the bat, I had to insert my occupation and seeing as to how there was no 'fast food worker/server', 'food server' or anything of the like, I was in a pickle. There was a 'powder monkey', whatever the hell that is, but nothing I could use. Finally I settled on 'occupation unlisted'. Nyeh.. Couldn't be arsed going through a verrrrryy detailed list. Otherwise, the discovery of the 'powder monkey' occupation (someone who powders show monkeys?), the whole experience was pretty dull. Lots of reading, clicking yes/no buttons, warnings about how a penalty will be issued if you're caught lying about any information.. It got boring after the 41st question.

Anyway, that's my encounter with one of two things in life that will forever hold true. 'Til later, death.

[/add-on]

Yes, I finally remembered what I originally wanted to type about.

When my housemates say that our broadband has unlimited access, I hope they mean that in every kind of way. I shouldn't knock them cause for people from mainland China they speak pretty decent English (but WTF kinda Mandarin.. xiang jiao!(which hopefully means banana when pronounced right, if not damn my incompetent memory!)) but I really hope their definition of 'unlimited' equates to "download any shit you want, then download some more," or something to a similar degree.

Wait, no. That was not it.

Yes.

I think the anniversary for this blog passed a couple of days ago. One year. Never thought I'd last that long in the blogging world, or even still be remotely interested in the whole medium 12 months later. Maybe it's 14 months that might take the cake, huh? Just something I thought I'd point out.

Back to the downloads.. Chairman, glad to say Reefer Madness was done in that amount of minutes -snap-, but sad to say I haven't gotten around to watching it. I'm riding a Trey Parker/Matt Stone high now. Viva la South Park!

Onto cartoons. There is a general belief that there are three basic divisions. You've got your Simpsons fanatics, South Park geeks and the 'Family Guy ROXXX!!!11oneoneone' camp. Occasionally there is the odd King of the Hill supporter but there is large concensus among the adult cartoon community that American Dad is utter purile crap, equivalent to yet another season of Australian Idol or CSI:SameShit,DifferentCity. Having only watched some episodes from some seasons of the three main cartoons, I don't have a wealth of knowledge to go by. But, yeah, like that's ever stopped me (re: video clips, reviews, any list I've ever created).

If I had to choose a favourite, it'd be South Park. I think the 'Cartoon Wars Part 1&2' says it all. Simpsons remain the benchmark of the three, and without Matt Groening, odds are the other cartoons wouldn't have catapulted to such heights of success. Ditto Malcolm in the Middle. Having run for 13 seasons (as of 2006), The Simpsons remains a classic and I frequently use Homer's "Mmmm... donuuuuuuuuut" tone most frequently. They've managed to remain largely relevant throughout it all, but I get the feeling that it's all slowly becoming a novelty. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just that in this current age where people's attention span can be likened to a the life of a gnat (Short. So I suck at analogies. Eat. My. Shorts), the hardcore Simpsonw fan, will most usually be someone who has stuck with the show for a while. The kids these days tend to go for Family Guy, which is generally believed to be more 'out there'.

Family Guy isn't a horrible show by any stretch. It has its funny moments and I don't for a second buy into the argument that the show is a caricature of the Simpsons; Peter=non-yellow Homer with hair, Meg=Lisa etc. The problem lies in the fact that a lot of the humour relies on cutaway scenes and gags on pop culture. Sheesh.. now I'm just repeating the content of 'Cartoon Wars'. While shows like Scrubs, Everybody Hates Chris, and My Name is Earl relies quite a fair bit on cutaway or fantasy scenes as well, the difference, to me at least, is that these shows have the advantage of not being a cartoon. Meaning that the humour can lie in the line delivery, or a facial expression, which in a cartoon is near impossible to achieve. Plus, with the exception of maybe Scrubs, these cutaway scenes are generally relevant to the plot. I guess, Family Guy just seems to try too hard with the random. But I guess when you've got a winning formula that's even managed to make the Fox studio execs revive said show from cancellation, you stick with it, eh?

I guess if you wanted to be nit-picky, you could say South Park has inferior graphics and indescribably crude toilet humour, so why the hell would it be better than any of the two? Mainly because the humour, while undoubtedly crass, goes places where no other contemporary cartoon has. They diss Jews on a regular basis, take the piss out of red-neck towns, cussing, God, Satan, Republicans, Democrats.. you name it they've probably done it. Christ, Cartman kills Scott Tenorman's parents, ground them up into Chilli and feed it to him just cause he got ripped off (Must watch 'Scott Tenorman Must Die' ep)! I think I read on IMDb that it takes five days for one episode of South Park as compared to nine months for Simpsons and Family Guy, hence the remote possibility that they're in their tenth season now. Has the novelty worn off yet? Judging by the Scientology episode scandal, no. And an admirable point to South Park, there exists only two writers throughout the entire run while the others have interchangable boatloads of them.

So, yeah. I'm a South Park kinda girl. Hell, if I ever saw Trey Parker and Matt Stone anywhere I'd ask them out for a round at the pub. I hate beer but I'd drink it if it meant hanging out with them.

/end.

Thirty points if you read every single word in the add-on.

If there's anyone out there who scored sixty points, leave me a comment. As God, I shall certify your 'legend' status.

Anyone out there with less than twenty points, -tsk- pissant loser.

Christ.. I must get my word vomit under control, hey?

"You've got to fight, for your right, to PARTAYYYYYYYYY."

"The world to her,
was but a tragic play.
She came saw, dislik'd,
And passed away."

While in Malaysia, I 're-discovered' a bunch of stuff I forgot about my house. Among them is a Post-It note stuck on my wall with the above verse written in blue ink. It's going to sound mighty try-hard but I have Post-Its stuck on the wall above my study table, filled with mostly quotes from books, philosophers and the Internet. The lot of them wouldn't quite fall under the category of 'Inspirational', just lines from here and there that I liked. God. I just remembered that my previous room had Post-Its as well, the bulk from my Politics textbook. Nyehhh.. nerd much?

Anyway, I can't find any information on the 'Net regarding that verse, oh Google.. how you have failed me. Why did I bring that up? No reason.. Mainly cause I just thought about it. I found it off the 'Net while I was searching for Ghost World forums, that was after my third viewing on HBO. If you've ever read the comics or watched the movie, I think nothing else has to be said. If you haven't done either, then let's just admire the simplicity and severity of the verse, no?

And another thing I 'rediscovered': there is not a hanging clock to be found in my house. We've got table alarm clocks, multitude of watches/jam tangans between the 5 of us, one big grandfather's clock and clocks leaning on tables and couches but none actually hung up on the wall, as it should be. Don't ask why. It just is.

Today marks the second semester of my second year into my Arts degree. And you'd think that after a year and a half some basic truths would be ingrained into my system. But then that'd be expecting too much of me.

Things I Should Know By Now

1. By now, I should know that Melbourne's weather is as funny as my "What smells funny?" joke (ie. very hy-larious). From my window, I see clear skies and sunshine, so I dress as I see fit: t-shirt layered over long-sleeved top with jeans. For 'extra precaution', I bring a scarve. I step out after my first lecture and thought, "Oh. Idddddddiooooooottttttttttttttttttttt."

2. By now, I should have realized that thirty minutes is insufficient for my 'snoozing sleep minutes'. I actually key into account the amount of time I will spend pressing the second best invention in the whole damn galaxy, the snooze button, into my sleeping time. Ad Spags knows what I'm talking about. Which leads me to my third "thing I should know by now."

3. It's never a good idea to arrive late at the first lecture of the semester. Most lecturers choose the first seven minutes to distribute reading guides/subject info stuff which although aren't quite crucial in the long run, are helpful in informing you how much time you have to slack off before your assignments are due. Of course this stuff can be found online in PDF format ready for printing, but if you're a cheapskate like me and/or don't own a printer, those first seven minutes are really, one of three lifelines. What happens when you arrive ten minutes late is that the lecturer proceeds to give an overview of the subject making generous refences to the aforementioned papers and you sit quietly, pondering to yourself if it's really worth walking down those steep stairs and risk a more-than-highly-possible-if-you're-Karen stumble that will then highlight to those cute politic guys of your sheer ineptitude, thus making you a social leper for the rest of the semester. Of course you make the obvious choice and by the end of the lecture, you've got a page full of doodle to show for your presence.

4. By now, I should also know that regardless of the weather outside, the lecture halls in Melbourne Uni are always of sub-zero temperatures. The worst ones are at the Maths, Richard Berry, and Science building, which coincidentally enough I have two of my lectures at. And of course, the lecture hall beneath ERC library. Christ, a girl in my tute once admitted to skipping lectures held there cause "it was just too cold".

So, naturally I celebrated my first day back at uni by hitting up ERC library. I don't care that there's currently some sort of mutiny going on within my DVD collection cause the originals are pulling rank and soffing at the new Malaysian pirated ones. Kiasu is as kiasu does, and I refuse to allow others borrow DVDs that I possibly might want to consider watching. Heh. So I return with Elephant, Amelie, American Psycho and South Park Vol. 9. Who cares if I've already watched two of them? Would I possibly want to sit through yet another long shot in Van Sant's Elephant and another viewing of Amelie? I'll find out.

I've kinda been on this hugh downloading binge since I got back. I swear, the first thing I did after I dropped my bags and jacket was fire up LimeWire. Next thing I did was to save some movies to blank CD-Rs to make more space. It's gotten to the point where I was on PCWorld and Download.com looking up stuff that'd make my computer fancier, downloading them, installing, then deleting them. I really wish I made time to buy and install a DVD burning device on my laptop when I was in Malaysia. Then I wouldn't think twice about backing up my Veronica Mars Season 2 downloads. -sob- "But they take up so much blank CD-Rs!"

Heh. I think I've got what they call 'word vomit'. I can't seem to get myself to quit typing.

Recently Stylus issued their Top 100 Music Video Clips of All Time list. Coincidentally enough, while waiting to board the plane to Malaysia, I actually wrote up a rough list of my favourite video clips. I like lists, in case you haven't noticed already. Now while my list is nowhere as comprehensive as theirs (I think they span 3 decades) or detailed (they added YouTube links for every single video!), it makes for something to look at while you drink your coffee, take a break from studies, or wake up (I'm looking at ya, Chrissy).

Karen's Favourite Music Videos So Far (with a brief explanation that will hopefully jolt your memory banks cause I bet you couldn't be fussed looking up YouTube).

1. Radiohead - Just (Do It Yourself)
You can watch this a billion and one times and come the end, you'd be as clueless as ever as to what that guy said. The song is awesome, Radiohead playing their less experimental tunes makes me appreciate them more, and the video makes the perfect bookend to the Holy Trinity of Fantastic Band/Artiste, Song and Video. Go YouTube this and then come back and tell me how good the video was. Benchmark for all videos to come.

2. Coldplay - Shiver
The entire duration of the video has the four of them jamming in a plain-looking room, working their chemistry to such intimate levels that you can't help but feel like a voyeur for looking in at this experience. If I remember correctly, this video was released right after 'Yellow' but before they gain international recognition and reached the heights of superstardom that they are at currently. When I think about Coldplay, I think about this clip and hope that regardless of what level of success they are at, they never lose the magic that held so true in the video.

3. No Doubt - Sunday Morning
A 'picnic' lunch with your best mates. Cooking said lunch with your best mates. Having the lunch collapse into a massive food fight. I don't know if it's just the video or my tendencies for the tamer side of life (read: no nekkid models, no boozin' and crusin'), but that's sure what I consider a good time with my mates.

The rest in no particular order cause it's just too hard to choose:

4. Coldplay - Talk
Coldplay gone old school. Let this fact be known: robots in videos are cool.

4. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
Re: above.

4. RHCP - Can't Stop
It's art. It's RHCP blending their music and art. Commence one of the most random but truly awesome video clips ever. Highlight: the scene with John Frusciante working his own brand of magic on bass in a room with schizoid tablelamps. If you know the video, you'll know what I'm talking about.

4. Steve Burns - Mighty Little Man
Hey, the guy from Blue's Clues (aka the only reason I watched that show) playing at being a rockstar, and not quite sucking. If there is any song you should listen to on Songs For Dustmites, this is it. Who knew he was packing such buff biceps under that innocent green-striped rugby shirt?

4. Blink 182 - Always
Sure, the video gives me a headache everytime I watch it but it's always fun to guess which body part is whose. Which body part is whose... is that right? Bah. The point is Travis looks extraordinarily good in the video. And that in itself is a major plus point.

4. Backstreet Boys - Everybody (Backstreet's Back)
It's super kitschy and campy, but it's got mass dancing so that's a thumb's up from me. Oh, come on. Like you weren't secretly mouthing the chorus when the song was played on a 90's rewind radio/Channel V show. And just to set the record straight, it was always Brian Littrell for me. Nick Carter has always been and even more so now, fugly. Sure, Brian's latest venture into Christian Pop/Rock territory loses him some brownie points but I'll take religiousity (sp?) over scarily-peroxided-blonde-ape-like-man.

4. Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet
The one Bjork song I get and like. The schizoid video is very, very suited to the schizoid qualities of the song. In the name of the Fantastic Band/Artiste, Fantastic Song, Fantastic Video, amen.

4. Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice
C'mon! More dancing! Watching this video makes me feel like breaking into dance as well. Except sadly although Christopher Walken has many years and moons on me, I kow-tow to the man who will forever be more nimble than me. Moby ain't got nothing on Walken. Or Fatboy Slim, by extension.

4. The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony
Beware when listening to this song on your Discman or iPod. A sudden impulse to screw manners and all other Ps and Qs and a very strong urge to shove, be brazen and not give way to incoming public will come upon you. For a minute there, you will also believe that The Verve is more than a deadbeat band and Richard Ashcroft is your god. You know what I'm talking about.

There you have it. P. Diddy's 'Bad Boy for Life' nearly made the cut, but the suck-tastic ending pulled it down a whole lotta notches. Huh. I think I'm actually all typed out. I know.. I should just go on MSN, right?

And so Winter Vacation ends...

The plane touched down Melbourne and the pilot/captain announces that the weather is at a "slightly chilly 5 Celsius". Slightly chilly... now that's an understatement if ever. Hmph. And just like that ends two and a half weeks of vacation. Grrrreat.

Some interesting events that happened over the holidays, in point form mostly because I'm too lazy to create paragraphs now.

- SCB's reunion: The One Where We Watched the World Cup Final and Christine Went Ape-shit Crazy Over Mahjong.
Heh. As always the pleasure of meeting up was a definite highlight of the holiday. The reunion was made all the more special cause certain SCBs (heh. I just realized that 3 of us were on holiday!) scrapped together a weekend even though they could barely afford to breathe as it is. Thanks YM and Mich. That really meant a lot to me.

- Jonny Boy: The One Where I Hung Out Heaps With My Lil' Bro, As Promised.
He's so stupid and so lame and so incredibly inane that it's amazing that many chicks are after him. So really, he's a male version of me. Except for the whole chick magnet part. Or the magnet part, period.

- Allergy Test: The One Where I Confronted My Fear of Needles.
I'm not a fan of needles. It's pretty bizarre cause I can 'thread' a needle through my skin without an eye-bat, but I start spazzing and squirming at the sight of needles not even penetrating the skin yet in movies. So when my parents forced me to do the test, I wasn't quite the happy camper. Suffice to say that at 19, I still can rock one hell of a hissy fit. Anyways, when the time came for the nurse to take the test, I looked away and attempted to think happy thoughts. Of course, as my life always go, they couldn't find a vein in my left hand. And they only realized that AFTER penetrating my skin with the needle and forcibly looking for one. So when they moved to the right and had the same problem, I just started giggling. It was beyond bizarre but I couldn't help it. I had to control from breaking into full-fleged guffaws. What can I say... the whole situation was ridiculous. But oh well. They got their 10 CCs in the end.

Also, I found out that I'm allergic to eggs. And bananas. Ha! Finally something to validate my intense dislike of bananas.

- Ipoh mari: The One Where A Visit To My Grandparents' Isn't Quite As Innocuous As It Sounds.
For the first time, my grandpa and ma divulged history about their parents and younger days. Like, I never knew my grandma was adopted. Or that my grandpa's parents arrived in Malaysia after one hell of a boatride from China. Apparently my great paternal grandma was a stickler for discipline, something my dad learned about the hard way many a-times. Hee.

- Family Affairs: The One Where My Dad And Ma Finally Spilled on Things We Were Previously Denied Knowledge Of.
Christ. That was one mega-chat session that lasted for three hours. But it certainly puts things into perspective. I guess before, I only had a brief understanding about the relationship my parents' have. But that river runs deeper and wider than I can ever hope to understand.

There's probably some stuff I'm forgetting to mention right now. But those are the events that come instantly when I think about the past 2 weeks. It was good seeing people I haven't seen in a year. Will be even better when I see them again in five months.

I end this post with three random trivia bits.

1. I have finally brought over my bathrobe and here I sit feeling super-duper comfortable. I also feel ready to traverse the galaxy. 'Resistance is futile'. Hee.

2. We're actually half Indonesian Chinese. Gill, Jon and I, that is.. Weird. Not like there's any difference but I always thought we were only a quarter. Nyehhh. I guess that's why I'm not doing a maths-related degree.

3. My new timetable states that I have a 11-hour week with Thursdays and Fridays off. Fuck yeah, losers!

Idiot says, "What?"

Chapter One: Karen Goes to the Coldplay Concert and Spends $75 on Truly Essential Stuff.

3rd of July 2006, I went to see a band that I love. In short? It was awesome. The long story? it was the best fucking, most awesome-mest concert this goddamn-ed person has ever been to!!!!!!!1111!!!! Youth Group opened, and me not being familiar with their stuff, still went along for the ride waiting patiently for the real stars to hit the stage. And boy, did they not disappoint. Sophie Poo and I were that close to the stage that we could see the sweat drops on Mr Martin's face. Unfortunately, we weren't close enough to grab the cameras that they threw out. Some other bastards got it. (Bastards)

Chris Martin had a very engaging stage personality. Those weird movements that he does on music video and live performances telecast on MTV? Well.. they're for real. And Guy Berryman.. dear Guy. Where I was standing I had a direct view of Chris Martin and Jonny Buckland, which was awesome and all that. But can I just say that the aching calves borne from standing on my tippy toes to see Guy was completely worth it? He's hot stuff. Really is. Will did his thing, every beat on key, being a stellar example to little drummer boys everywhere. But man of the concert undoubtedly goes to Jonny B. His riffs, guitar hooks, Christ... simply fantastic. Of course, the band would be nothing if not for the camaderie between the four, and the crowd was definitely witness to that testament that night.

It's definitely fascinating to see the crowd Coldplay pulls in. In the free standing area, there was a mix of teeny-boppers, college kids (us, hello!), artsy-fartsy types and believe it or not, old dudes of the 'I-need-reading-glasses-to-look-at-the-programme' kind. The old dudes were hilarious. They were even more into Youth Group then I was! Puts my father to shame. Hee.

To conclude, the night was fantastic. Fantastic music, excellent company and a totally awesome band meant that the money was not a waste. Chalk one up for good concert experiences!


Chapter Two: Karen Packs for Home in Thirty Minutes and Forgets Among Other Things, Her Driver's License.

I came home from the concert completely beat, so I figured I'd wake up early the next day to pack for home. The alarm was set at eight, to allow time for me to head down to the city and pass Soph One Tree Hill Season 2 as well as buy other random stuff for my room. Alas, I slept through the alarm only to wake at ten, and me being me adhered to the "five more minutes" rule. Finally when I got up again it was eleven ten am. The bus service was arriving at twelve so I hightailed my ass out of bed and got to washing up and taking a shower. Hence, I only started packing my bag at eleven thirty.

What I forgot:
1. My goddamn driver's license. That's one year of hype and longing.
2. My goddamn camera.
3. Yoong Mei's belated birthday present. Sorry dude.
4. The Chairman's farewell present. Re: above.
5. Nick's birthday card. Re: above as well.
6. My goddamn medicine. My skin is absolute shite now.

Idiotsayswhat?

What?

Fuck, fuck, fuck. And then some.


Chapter Three: Karen Comments on People Who Comment.

If you comment on this post:
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

Warning: Replies might take a mite longer than usual seeing as to how I'm on holiday and all that. So don't feel despair upon not getting a reply. Hell, I'll be damned if no one even bothers commenting, which will probably be the case. Nyeh. Less work for me!

Coldplay is here.

Coldplay is officially here! I'm breathing the same air as them! We walk upon the same island! We pay the same GST to the government! To say that I am extremely psyched is an understatement and a half. And then some.

Anyway, I guess I've officially moved now. We surrendered the key back to College Square. And I'm all set up at my new place. Or at least I've got my bed, my clothes and my Internet set up. By the way, guess who's re-discovering the perks of an ADSL line? Well, let's just say I spent a minute staring in awe at the speed of my downloads. Awe-some! What is my new place like? Well, I'm renting a room in an apartment that has two other tenants, both from China/Hong Kong. The room's pretty alright. Got the basics.. I can't complain. The place isn't completely a dump, but it definitely has a 'lived-in' vibe. This new place of mine is much closer to Melb Uni. It's on Dorrit St which is behind the Royal Women's Hospital. Hmmm.. I can't think of much else to say. Ad, sorry to burst your bubble but I'm going to have to rule out a house-warming. Seeing as to how.. you know, this isn't really my place.

What happened to my sister and I, you ask? Well, we couldn't find a decent priced apartment with two bedrooms and I definitely am so over sharing a room. That's 19 years we've been together. If I was a macho-testesterone-loaded dude, I'd say "that's so gay." But since I'm me, I'm going to say, "Helllllooooo closet space!" instead. She's still staying at College Square, but with some other random people as well. It's weird cause only this year did we start bonding and acting like sisters. Not quite the whole-nine-yards hair-braiding extragavanza I mean, but we talked to each other like adults which was definitely something new. Am I going to miss her? Mate, she's still here living a couple of blocks up! But then sometimes I think I will. If not because of the fact that we've had years of bedroom-sharing between us, then because of the fact that my sis can occasionally be a laugh-riot. When she's on a roll, hell.. it takes a lot of self-control to keep it in.

Anyway, the Chairman has left the building. Hell, the Chairman has left the friggin' country! No more random walks to Safeway at 10 pm at night. No more DVD swapping. No more yummy baked goods from the Baker Woman. No more fashionista. No more feeling guilty about cursing openly (hee). No more making fun of vegetarians (double hee). No more paranoid android (hee hee hee). The Chairman was one of the first people I met in Trinity. First day there too! And now she's gone. -Sob- Forever. Charm I'm gonna miss you. -Sob- Where will I get my fill of home-baked cookies/cakes/apple crumbles for a year?!

Fuck.. I'm freezing. Part of the charm of my new room is that it lacks a windowpane or two. And in a rare moment of benevolence, I gave my sister the heater. This whole kindness shtick is so not all that it is cracked up to be. I should give up on karma and instead demand instant gratuity from the powers that be!

I end this post with this little bit of tidbit: The last time I intentionally hit a guy in his balls was when I was nine. Chalk it up to an intense round of catching. The last time I unintentionally hit a guy in his balls was today. I have never seen anyone else besides me turn that shade of red before. Frankly my dear... it was all pretty damn amusing.

"Let me get some action from the back section!"

So the plan was to move after every six months. I figured it'd be a fun little experience. Ya know, just to have the whole thirty-one flavours. I'm on my first move and ... heh. Somehow over the course of two and a half years, I have eleven pair of shoes, eleven bags, and three bags worth of clothes. I officially have more shoes than my sister. When did that happen?!

I also have a box that has my TV inside, and a box that's aptly labelled 'Audio/Video', just technical terms to make my DVDs and CDs sound as important as they are, you understand. Also, I have a box filled with random stuff, the vacuum cleaner, the rice cooker and books. Oh god.. the books. Jesus H. Christ, the books. Text books, Stephen King books, other non-uni books. And to top it all of, there is a box filled with crockery that neither my sis nor I wants.

Fan-freaking-tastic!

The icing on the cake, surely, must be the fact that my new place has no lift. It's stair-heaven baby!

"Beastie Boys known to let the beat... mmMM 'DROP'."

Why I think the Karma Police are out to get me (aka whinging episode #34 from Karen):

#1. Last Sunday morning I went out to watch the Brazil/Aus game at Fed Square with Spags and a couple of other friends. Thanks to the ungodly schedule and time conversion, the kick-off was at 2.30 am in Melbourne. The sleep thing, or lack thereof, wasn't an issue as I had managed to snuck in a couple of hours sleep during the evening. And I had no plans the day after. The problem was that that morning happened to be the morning where Melbourne charted it's coldest temperature yet. It was 3 Celsius. Although it was certainly entertaining to watch the ten thousands of Aussies finally wake up to the sweet stench of history, I'm not sure if it was quite worth losing the feeling in my toes over. I think about the pros of seeing Kaka on screen and it almost justifies that whole experience. Just almost.

#2. I've been downloading Transamerica on LimeWire and yesterday it finally officially completed. Today I play the movie only to realize that while it's of a pretty decent quality (above the standards of hand-held camcorders in cinemas, but below the picture perfect crisp quality found in cinema screens) there was one very obvious flaw. It's like how I sometimes wish life was with my sister: lips a-movin' but no sounds a-talkin'. I checked the properties for the file, and check this; while there was a codec to compress the video part of the file there was nothing whatsoever for the audio bit. I want to cry. I really do. That's a 700 Mb file on a 56Kbps dial-up modem, equivalent to one year of my life. But wait, that's not quite the clincher yet.

#3. While scanning the tour listing section in the paper yesterday, I was pleased and just a tad excited to find out that Clap Your Hands Say Yeah was doing their rounds at the Hi-Fi Bar. Then I read on and, oh what do you know.. my spirit is crushed. Their playing on the 20th of July. Bloody bugger piss b#a@s!t%a$r#d*s%. That's the third band this year that I've missed out on. The Shins in January, Death Cab on 14th July and this. -sob- Damn you karma!

#4. Also, I forgot to settle my previous fine for travelling without a valid tram ticket and as a result I got an extra penalty. Could there be a lamer way to violate the law?!

#5. I did manage to get my hands on two tickets to the Arctic Monkeys sold-out gig though. And yeah, did should go in the 'YAY' section. However I didn't get it through a 'trusted' website, or as trustful as a site can get in cyberspace. A visit to eBay made my heart skipped a beat, and not in the 'oh-pretty-boy,-will-you-be-mine?' kind of beat-skipping. I posted an ad on a forum asking for tickets and I get a reply from some guy. The deal is I pay half now and the the rest when I get the tickets. Judging by my luck so far, I probably have just wasted 50 bucks. It's maximum dodge man. The guy gave me his friend's banking details cause apparently he "lost his ATM card." What does that have anything to do with online banking?! Oh well, call me an optimistic sucker. And if he really does end up ripping me off, call me an optimistic broke sucker.

#6. Beastie Boys is on rotation in my head right now and it is a n n o y i n g as. Don't get me wrong, I love them and all but it's not the kind of song you can sing along to without sounding like you've got Tourette's. I mean how does one exactly sing/rap along to gems like, "Mike D with the masterjam. Said 'ooh laa laa' and 'thank you m'aam", ya know?

I've actually ran out of steam. Oh hell. I wanted to reach number 7.

I think the bad karma boils down to my incessant over-the-top cussing. Or my misanthropic tendencies that tend to surface when yet another bum/burnout strikes up a conversation with me. I certainly don't do anything to encourage my status as a bum/bo magnet. I get that they probably just naturally gravitate towards like-minded people, but I'm just one girl! Go bother another!

"Now that's high-quality H2O."

This is a post that is not about the band-of-the-week I'm championing. Neither is it about trivia that bears very little importance in the grand scheme of life, the universe, everything. There will be no mention of movies I'm just about pissing myself to watch. This post also has nothing to do with any gripes I have about work, family or retail sales that sell out the size you wear.

Hence, this post ends with me saying I have nothing to post about.

Yeap. This marks the end of it.

Just ribbing ya. Yes, I enjoy amusing myself very much. It's a pathological thing. Put it down to middle child syndrome.

Anyway, I'm in the midst of moving. So I haven't actually done anything substantial yet, but I have scoped out a couple of prospective apartments online and jotted down contact details. But since I had a 8-3pm shift the next day, I asked my sister to call them instead. And she didn't call anyone. Not a single one. Well, apparently she called the first one and it didn't go through so I don't quite know how that deters her from not calling the others (re: "I am Gillian and I am lousy at bullshitting"). I don't normally like depending on my sister for anything cause well, she's as reliable as an elephant showing up punctual four times in a row for a Sunday matinee. Everyone knows elephants only make it three times at best. Anyway, you know, how people say if you want to find an accomodation you've got to do it yourself so you don't end up freezing and homeless and shower-less and freezing and cold and warm-less and heat-less in winter? Guess that kind of holds true afterall.

I want it that way.

As always, I started every year with the intention to 'get fit'. It's not so much a New Year Resolution, but more a guideline for the year. Like, I don't have the full intention to go through with it, but it'd be kinda cool if I did, ya know? Well, as of this year, I have ran exactly 0 km and executed 50 sit-ups. And that was done just only out of guilt.

On Friday, I had every intention to go running/jogging/dying-a-slow-and-painful-death at the local park cause I knew I was seriously out of shape. I'm by no means a grade-A athlete, but I fancy myself fit enough to jog to work with maybe two walking breaks if necessary, and err.. thanks to a sedentary lifestyle and Macca's fries, Macca's McFlurries, and Macca's burgers (damn you, Ronald!), I'm, to put it delicately, quite out of it. So, I had it all worked out.

Plan of action:
11-2 pm : work
2-3 pm : home
3-4 pm : change
4-4.15 pm : park
4.15 pm-5.30 pm : jog
5.30-5.45 pm : home
5.46-7.30 pm : die a little
7.30 onwards : Friday Night Live

But then while walking to work, a bird flew into my head. And I was like, "Fuck if I'm going to run and risk getting hit again!". There was quite a bit more cursing involved, but I'll keep it clean for you kids. End story: no exercise done. But on the upside, I made a fairly delectable hor fun dish for dinner. Tip: don't talk to me about the carbs. Just.. don't. -sob-

Anyhoo, I was all, "Yeah! Today is the day to get my pump on!". It was very Jane-Fonda-Aerobic-Workout-esque. But I woke up late for work, under the impression that my shift started at 11 am, when I received a call informing me, "No, you start at eight today, Sunshine." As if that wasn't bad enough, today was totally flat out and I was completely beat halfway into the shift. EVERYONE wanted a hot drink.

Most problematic customer I've ever had in McCafe:
MPC comes in asking for 3 "really, really weak extra hot skinny" cappucinos. No worries, I tell her. So the milk was heated up to about 75 Celsius, which is usually how high it goes for the 'extra hot' coffees. She comes back telling us (me + other Cafe fella) that it isn't hot enough. So we tell her we'll make her nice, hot fresh ones. We heat the bloody milk up to 90C, got her fresh ones, and ask her to take a sip to see if it's hot enough.

"It still isn't hot enough. Is this a new machine or something?"
"Maam, we heated the milk up to 90C(!) Are you sure you're getting the milk? Maybe it's just froth."
MPC sips.
"No, it's not the froth. Can you heat it any higher?"
"Maam, if we heat it any higher than 90C, the milk will burn."
"Well, it still isn't hot enough."
"Maam, maybe you need to go to the docter's, get your tastebuds checked out cause it's ninety freaking Celsius, mate. Now bloody fuck off and quit hassling us cause you ain't our only goddamn customer!"

In reality, we tell her that there isn't more that we can do. And she walks away in a huff with the promise to never come back again. God, I hope we can hold her to that promise.

That experience put us in one hell of a mood, cause as much as we normally adhere to the 'customer is always right (and they're also usually a right bloody pillock)' maxim, we knew there was no way we were wrong. The machine wasn't broken cause we had been using it the whole day without any complaints, and a fair bit of compliments if I may add. We had the thermometer tell us it was 90C. So where did it all go wrong? I've been tossing that in my head for a bit, but I can't figure it out. Maybe we saw it wrong it was actually 60C? Maybe she really does need a doc? Gah. Sod it all.

Back to the point. I finished absolutely knackered at four, still with some enthusiasm to hit the park. I figured I could just borrow my friend's bike and ride around for a bit. But then I stepped out of Macca's and my somewhat steely resolve was ditched. "Fuck if I'm going to go riding when there's fog bloody everywhere!"

In all my years here, I have never seen fog in the afternoon. Let alone fog at the beginning of winter. Suffice to say I know now why people were coming in droves for a hot drink. And also that this winter is going to be bloody awful. End story: expect to read a lot of whinging about the weather on my posts.

At least I gave you fair warning, eh?

[/Edit]

Also, I found out yesterday that Death Cab for Cutie is doing a show at the Forum on July 14. -sob- Sometimes I just can't catch a break, eh? Oh hell. Coldplay, I love you more.

I've just finished my shower and I'm feeling quite restless now, so I actually logged on to MSN only to have a pop-up tell me that in order to continue I need to download the latest version. Granted, my version was pretty obsolete. Think the dark ages before you were able to poke and make even more insipid smileys. So because I'm using dial-up and downloading Transamerica as well, I have a feeling I might be a sitting here for a while. Hence, I decided to blog about it!

Hmmm... let's see. What else to say, what else to say, what else to say. Hmm.. I could go on about family. Everyone's fine - sort of. Me grandparents are in KL. Talked to them for a bit earlier in abysmal Cantonese. Absolutely disgraceful. Mom and Dad are alright - mostly. Jon is 6'1'' now apparently and just tipping the scales at 100 kg. He's starting his work experience next week at that rock-climbing place at OU. Gill... nyeh. Now, let's not open that can of worms. Nahhh. She's alright, as well. Popular with the dudes. Well, one of the daughters had to get the pretty gene.

10 Consecutive Songs Played on iTunes while on 'Shuffle' Mode
1: All-American Rejects - The Last Song
2: Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
3: Beck - Loser
4. The Ataris - Heaven is Falling
5. Crazy Town - Revolving Doors
6. The Beatles - Across the Universe
7. No Doubt - Simple Kind of Life
8. My Morning Jacket - Come Closer
9. Jimmy Eats World - The Middle
10. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Fortune Faded

Hmm. Let's talk about the bird hitting my face for a bit. What happened in minute detail was I was standing at the traffic lights waiting for the green man to come on and I glanced at the bird that was pecking at that pavement. I looked straight ahead, not wanting to enrage the stupid magpie and I heard it take flight. I flinched a little and shut my eye momentarily, normal when I hear any flapping wings. And what do you know, I feel something slam into my head! It's feet lightly scraped my cheek and I opened my eyes to see the damn bird on the floor, but closer this time. "What the fuck?!" Checked my hair for birdshit: clear. Check cheek to see if damaged: clear. All about ran across the road regardless of red man. Man, I''m just going to say that this does not help with any Karen-bird friendly relations.

Of course, everyone's all, "Poor bird. Maybe the bird was blind." Gah. That is, after much laughing. And then as an afterthought, "Are you alright?" Friends, you're lucky I love y'all so. Gee whiz.

Anyway, MSN finished downloading. Wow.. Version 7.5 now. Huh.

"You offend reason, sir."

I was honestly actually considering an update, a right and proper one. A sort of day-in-my-oh-so-whimsical-and-wit-filled-conversations-sorta-life post where I attempt to prove that there is more to me than pop culture, movies, celebrity goss, and useless trivia of the pop-culture-related kind. I mean, seriously. How many of you actually bothered to click on the Ralph Wiggums and Weezer links?

But then I found out that Brick has a release date of 10 August 2006 in Australia. And I decided to hang 'right and proper' posts, and right and properly squeal with glee.


Mate, say what you will about my penchant for going apeshit over movies that I have yet to even see the trailer for, but the last couple of movies I went absolutely bananas over and hyped up like so have been generally gold. Hmmm. Shaun of the Dead. Oh, <3.

-ahem-

Anyhoo.. it's got Joseph Gordon-Levitt. And the plot is about this guy, who found that girl dead, and he goes looking for that thing, which of course leads him to other things.. Also, it's got Lukas Haas. He of the "Hey, they made the international sign of the donut" in Mars Attack! I actually do sorta know the plot but it's a bit convulated and I don't explain things well. Seriously, I can't even tell jokes because usually 1) I can't remember how it ends and 2) I usually ruin the punchline owing to the fact that I can't remember how it ends. The two jokes that I do tell are usually received with what can only be politely referred to as 'less-than-enthusiasm'.

If you haven't already heard the only two jokes I can remember, here it is in all it's wordy glory.

Joke #1
Q: What smells funny?

*
**
***
**
*

A: A clown fart.

Hee. It gets me all the time.

Joke #2
Joke #2 revolves around ten big pink ping-pong balls. It's likely that if you've heard it before you'll probably remember it. For life. As proven by my indescribably weak memory actually remembering this one. Anyhoo, it's bad. But I love telling it. If only because it's awesome in all it's simplicity.

I should also add that these jokes are not mine. The first one I picked up while in Costa Rica and the second I owe to someone in Scouts.

Oh! I just remembered a blonde joke too!

Q: A blonde and a brunette jump from the balcony of a high-rise building. Who reaches the bottom first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop and ask for directions.

Tee hee.

And hell, I've got one of those kind of jokes too.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

Hee hee hee. "Oh, the cleverness of me!" I suppose I do know more than two bad jokes. I guess I actually know four bad ones.

Right. Onwards to a 'right and proper' post then. Thanks to the Earth's cycle, Australia is currently at the start of a particularly horrid winter. I only say it's particularly horrid because it's happening, like, right now, and I can't actually remember how last year's winter was. So, the usual whinging commences then.

I AM COLD. Taking into account the whole matter of me disliking the cold, and rain if I may add, I'm in a ripe ol' mood most days. Luckily because my anti-social tendencies are proportionately inverse to the quantity of heat in the air, I have become a DVD-watching hermit, bundled under my doona, with the heater and the stove turned on. So, yeah. No witty conversations to blog about this time round folks.

"You should have stayed in school" .... "You never should have left."

And that my friends, is the corniest line of May 2006, courtesy of the fantastic screenwriters who brought you X3: The Last Stand (HAHA! If you bought this for an entire second, you are a sucker and a fidiot, Hollywood's favourite consumer!). I watched it twice and the second viewing only made me more aware of the stilted dialogue, the even more stilted acting (save for Kelsey Grammar, Ian McKellan and Hugh Jackman), and how if we lived in the middle ages Brett Ratner will be set upon by the viewing public and pretty much be stoned to a bloody, gory, but ultimately deserving death. Yup, pretty much. On the bright side, that's me - an optimist till the end, I caught the extra bit after the credits rolled in my second viewing. Plus, it was kinda kewl to see Iceman's final manifestation.

"I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"

I love me some Vinnie Jones, but seriously how under-utilized was he? While his delivery of that line was pretty spot on, I can imagine a lesser actor 'menacing hard-ass baddie' revealing that line for what it's all worth: corn soup with corn-on-the-cob bits and a side of corn bread. I know, I know.. too much. My bad.

And did Brett Ratner take on this project with the aim to piss off as many people as he possibly can? Maybe he had a death wish. I mean, pissing off comic-book, sci-fi, fantasy, Terry Pratchet lovin' geeks! He shall be subjected to many a Vulcan death ray, I think. Or maybe there is some truth behind the "Brett Ratner is the worst director in the world" theory going around the Internet. It's like the Terminator trilogy all over again: "What? There was a third movie? Oh no, they didn't!"

Lately I've found myself wishing on more than one occasion that I'm in the midst of angsty throes of romantic failure. Mainly because then I'd have a flimsy but legitimate reason to listen to 'Punk' princess, Avril Lavigne. I can't help it. She speaks to the rhythm of my soul. Ermmm, right. Mainly because the songs that have been on constant repeat on my iTunes are of the 'oh-my-achey-breakey-heart' type.

Karen's Mix Tape of Endless Desolution; All Round Fitting for One Break-up
1. Bob Dylan - Most of the Time
2. Cary Brothers - Something
3. Citizen Cope - Sideways
4. Joseph Arthur - In the Sun
5. Joshua Radin - Closer
6. Matt Pond PA - New Hampshire
7. Pete Yorn - Just Another
8. Powderfinger - Love Your Way
9. Rachel Yamagata - Be be your love
10. Red House Painters - Have You Forgotten
11. Rhett Miller - Come Around
12. Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes
13. Aimee Mann - Save Me

But then I swing between extremes and at the end of the other spectrum lies-

Karen's Mix Tape of Happy Sha-la-la Moments, Karaoke Y'all Now!
1. Arctic Monkeys - Love Machine
2. Badly Drawn Boy - Once Around the Block
3. Beach Boys - Barbara Ann
4. The Go! Team - Huddle Formation
5. The Go! Team - Ladyflash
6. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - Over and Over Again (Lost and Found)
7. The Boy Least Likely To - Be Gentle With Me
8. Mike Doughty - I Hear The Bells
9. Cary Brothers -Waiting For Your Letter
10. Shout Out Louds - Please Please Please
11. The Futureheads//Kate Bush - Hounds of Love
12. The Futureheads - Meantime
13. Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights

On Tuesday, I unleased my shopaholic within and came back with $600+ worth of purchases. I feel this is very apt moment to insert a :(. On the plus side, I came back with my Pentax Optio 750Z camera which I love love love. Cue a :). It's everything and more that I thought it would be. Bring in a <3. Plus I got it on discount! I got it for AUD$ 450, 10% the original retail price and today I check out the Malaysian retail price and it's selling for RM 2,399; which means that I saved over a thousand ringgit getting it here. Hence, the <<<<33333 :D! I kind of went a little trigger happy and as a result poor Spags had to endure being the subject of some of my shots plus one really short horror movie that ended even before it even began. It would have been awesome, Ad.

Huh. I tend to create nicknames for friends, don't I? Adeline = Ad --> Addie --> Addie Spaghetti --> Spags. Dude, I've got you down for 'Ad Spags' on my phone. I also have got a 'Twitchy WA (Walking Accident)' down for a guy who's simply christened David by his parents. At one point, Charmie-Charm-Charm aka BakerWoman aka Chairman and I knew a 'Batman and Robin'. And Snakes? That's really mi amiga, Sammy Snakes, who once was Sammy, and who normally goes by Sam.

That is kinda strange.

Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride.

Ten reasons why Ralph is my favourite yellow-bellied cartoon character.
























Ten reasons why I momentarily feel better about Beverley Hills.

"Don't be a girly man."

In case you were worried sick about my welfare, take a deep breathe of relief. I've got a new heater now. That's right. I can feel the ends of my toes again.

I called my mum yesterday to tell her that this year will be the last Mother's Day I'll ever recognize. I also told her to pass on the message to my dad cause the same applies to Father's Day '06. See, I've been thinking. My whole life Mother's Day and Father's Day have been acknowledged and duly celebrated whereas Children's Day was ignored and largely confined to school grounds where their idea of celebration involves speeches, upon speeches, upon speeches. Her reply: "Eh, since when got Children's Day?"

Anyway, I told her that until they started to do something about the non-celebration of Children's Day there shouldn't be a special day for the parents either. She started going on about how the role of the mother is integral and yadayadayada, to which I replied, pretty smugly in fact, that without the child there can be no mom. I mean, technically a woman only gains the title of mom with the delivery of a child, right? I knew I had a point, a valid one in fact. And if I sold it well enough, I could expect a windfall of gifts.

Me: "So you see my point ma? Unless you all start celebrating Children's Day, retroactively if I might add, it isn't fair that mums and dads get the recognition."

Ma: "Okay fine. If you think I'm not important then you don't have to do anything in the future."

Me: "Wait.. I didn't say you weren't important. I just said-"

Ma: "No, it's okay. I get it. You're a big girl now and your mother isn't important anymore."

Me: -oh no- "No ma.. Of course you're important!"

Ma: "All I want is for my kids to love me. And now you don't want to celebrate Mother's Day anymore-"

Me: -AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

In the end I gave in. Damn dirty guilt card and parents' penchant to subscribe to it in instances where their superior standing in the family triangle is challenged.

"To read is makes our speaking English good."

From "The Quotable Slayer":

Xander: "Anya, the Shopkeepers Union of America called? They want me to tell you 'please go' just got replaced with 'have a nice day.'"
Anya: "I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?"
-No Place Like Home

Xander: "Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger...no, wait...Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side...Hold on...Hate...no...first you get the women, then you get the money, then you get...okay...forget that."
-The Freshman

My heater chose now to expel it's last breath - one hell of a grand fireball of a finale.

Hence, I am cold. Saya sangat sejuk. Wo hen len. Muy freo.

So I'm doing what I got to do to get my kicks.

That'll do, pig.

I swear, that has to be one of the best damn lines in film history. It's concise, straight to the point and easy to remember. And James Cromwell's delivery? Nothing short of brilliant. Sure, the story revolves around a pig that talks. Who suffers from one hell of a identity crisis. But hey, doesn't change nothing.

I'm currently watching Footloose on TV while waiting for "The Best of Borat" on YouTube to finish downloading and surfing random trivia on IMDb. To top it all off I am also currently eating my body weight in Homebrand (a generic Australian brand) chocolate covered scorched almonds. Yeap. Just another Friday night in the world of 'Wild Thang' Karen. Hey, boring as it may sound, I'm having a ball just watching Kevin Bacon dance himself into a wild frenzy between snippets of Sacha Baron Cohen pissing off the entire population of a country. Or maybe it's the chocolate lulling me into a sense of false amusement. Huh.

So, here's a couple of things on IMDb I thought interesting enough to share.

#1. Neil Flynn, who some of you might know as The Janitor in Scrubs, is 6'6''. After watching an episode where he mock-played Lurch from The Addams Family ("You rang?" hee.), I got curious about his height. And holy cow. He could afford to pass on 3 inches to me, and while I'll then stand at the general average of 5'4'', he'd still be taller than a lot of people in the world.

#2. And the original actor who played Lurch in The Addams Family? Now he's seven foot tall.

That is just... tall.

So on a whim, I've decided to create a top 10 list. Hence, here's -

10 Movies That Karen Was Nuts About When She Was A Kid (before the age of thirteen)

1. Jumanji
I lost count after my eleventh viewing, so I don't exactly know the total times I've watched the movie. Thinking about it now, I can't exactly explain my infatuation with the movie. Hell, I remember loving the movie so much I watch three screenings of it in two days. Weird, huh? I suppose it was the action/adventure elements to it that had me hook, line and sinker. I guess the thrill of believing that such a boardgame could exist in real life got my heart all a-flutter. Or blame it on repeated moments of lapsed sanity? Nyeh. My sister once told me that she saw a Jumanji boardgame selling at Jaya Jusco, and I just about went ape-shit crazy. Then I devoted an entire page in my then diary expressing my pain when I found out she was just lying. Think "I hate Gill" in big, block letters written repeatedly on a page.

2. Stephen Chow Sing Chi's movies
Dudes, he rocks. Flat out. While my sister was a fan of Andy Lau and my brother, Aaron Kwok, I was championing Stephen Chow. It was the slapstick, nonsensical, absurdist humour -

Oh god. I'm at the end of Footloose. Call me a dork, but how cool is that whole dance sequence?! I reckon teen flicks this era need to have less catty bitch fights and more synchronised dancing. Sure they went out of style in the Eighties but if high-waisted jeans can make a comeback, I say anything's possible.

Right. So I thought Fight Back to School was beyond brilliant. I'm actually going through a phase now where I'm on the hunt for Stephen Chow movies. Although technically, I suppose it hasn't start yet. I need to be back in Malaysia to be able to hunt down right and proper Cantonese versions of the movie, not some Mandarin-dubbed piss poor excuse for the movie.

3. Street Fighter
Oh, come on. Like you secretly weren't. If you didn't grow up with Street Fighter on Sega, you are either a product of centuries of inbreeding or you were one depraved kid who is a direct product of parents who started out their relationship as 'kissing cousins'. Sure, maybe your love for the video game did not translate to the film, but watching Ryu being played out on TV was like kid-heaven for me. Years later I would re-watch the film again and feign ignorance at the memories of kid-Karen proclaiming this movie "was the best thing ever and will always be my favourite" when reminded. But the couple of times I caught it on TV when I was a kid was like pure bliss. Well, you know how it goes. Ignorance and all that.

4. Tremors
If you never caught this, you need to drop everything that you're doing and watch it right now. No, really. It is surprisingly good. And by good, I mean I can watch this in the present day and not cringe and rethink my first impression of it. I remember watching this and thinking Kevin Bacon was 'cool stuff'. Of course, 'cool stuff' would later evolve to become 'hot stuff', but that's a story for another day hey. And besides, Kevin Bacon still remains pretty damn hot as it is. The story is an exercise in brilliant scriptwriting cloaked in a campy outfit that mixes good performances and tight directing. The premise is simple. Giant worm-like things that feed on meat end up preying on the residents of a small just-north-of-nowhere town. The way the humans fight back is simpler. Dynamite. No wacky incantations or plot-scheming activity that will utterly fail in the end. It's like a giant DUH when you think about it. I can't remember if there was an explanation given behind their mutation but that's beyond the point. It's shlock campy and I use this term very loosely, 'horror', at it's best.

5. Ghostbusters 1
"Who you gonna callllllllllll?" I didn't know much about sarcasm then, but even I could tell Bill Murray was nothing short of gold.

6. Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Saw ruined Cary Elwes for me. Back then, he was the cute, charming Robin Hood who talked a mile a minute and hung out in the forest with a bunch of dodgy characters who among other things, did old school rap collectively. Now he's the old dude who took life for granted and had to face the choice between his ankle and his family, eventually losing in a lose-lose situation. :( Insipid smiley faces aside, this movie is awesome. It's so packed with gags and jokes that you can watch this movie repeatedly and still find new things to laugh at. I think the last time I saw it was a couple of years back. And boy did I chuckle when I finally clued in on the "new Latin" the pastor was talking in.

*Spoiler alert*

It was Pig Latin. Simply ingenious.

7. Dracula: Dead and Loving It
If you haven't quite noticed already, me? A big fan of Mel Brooks. Back then, I didn't know nuts about the importance of a writer/director's role so I had yet to worship at the altar of Mel Brooks (or Joss Whedon, alternately). All I knew was this show was the hot-diggety bomb. It was lame, yes. And some parts were incredibly campy. But overall the show was boosted by the performance of Peter MacNicol as Renfield, butt-monkey to Dracula. Come hang with my brother and me and the mere mention of "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" has us pissing our pants.

8. Robocop
Yeah yeah... so cringe-inducing. But when you're young and you have it on VHS, you'll sure be spending lots of moments after school zoning out and watching it. Ditto Cinderella. I didn't particularly fancy them two, but we had it on tape and after repeated viewings you tend to start taking a shine to it.

Erm.. I switched on my fan heater and there was a slight burst of flames. That's bad, right? Frick on a stick with a brick! Gill isn't going to be none too pleased about this turn of events.

9. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
I love this movie. Period. How redundant is it to go 'period' then have a period right about it? Anyhoo.. this movie to me is what all action flicks should aspire to be. It's actually got some plot to it! Sketchy, true. But there's some semblance of it. Nicely balanced with some very impressive effects, big explosions, and quotable quotes and there you go: the perfect recipe for a successful action movie. This scene always gets to me somehow.

John Connor: "We're not going to make it, are we? People I mean."
Terminator: "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves."
John Connor: "Yeah. Major drag, huh?"

And the whole "I know now why you cry. But it's something I can never do" bit. Bring in the 'awwwwww' factor. See, it's not that girls are vehemently opposed to action movies. They just prefer action movies that aren't 33 minutes of explosions, 21 minutes of a car chase, 15 minutes of scantily dressed girl throwing herself at hero and 8 minutes plot development -cough- MI3 -cough-.

10. The Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty.
One, I always thought that Princess Aurora in SB was the prettiest Disney Princess ever. And the prince? The most handsome. Until Aladdin came along. But Aladdin had the world's stupidest cap/hat/headgear. It was beyond dorky. Two, I was so fascinated by TLM that in kindergarden I made my friends call me Ariel, and even crossed out my name on my exercise books to replace it with Ariel. Three, -blush-. Whatever.

11. The Neverending Story
I don't understand how this made so much sense before. In an attempt to rekindle my childhood memories, I borrowed the movie from the library with such glee. And the only obvious way I think the movie can make any remote sense is if you watched it while you were tripping on a hallucinogen drug and/or smoking incessant amounts of weed.

12. Gremlins
Gizmo = epitome of cute. See, I have a Mogwai of my own.


Awesome.

Know what else is awesome?

That Clerks II: The Passion of the Clerks is coming out this year. It is not a stretch to say that heads will be rolling if it doesn't open in Australian cinemas. My head, actually. While yelling an anguished, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" into the air. I think to make it just a wee bit more dramatic my hands will be raised to the sky, fists curled to project my infinite hurt. I actually checked out the trailer on YouTube and the trailer looks promising. Say what you will about Kevin Smith deciding to create a sequel to a sacred classic but I reckon he knows what he's doing. Afterall, master of weaving insanely entertaining dialogue about the most mundane event is he. Is Randall not the coolest thing next to Brodie or what?

Also, I finally took it upon myself to hunt down the X3 trailer. And nyehhh. I just can't garner any enthusiasm about it, unlike my reaction to number two. I guess all the hype's gone to Clerks II. Come on! Randall and Brodie sharing screen time. A girl can't deny the appeal of that.